I wish I could spend this last weekend before the glorious socialist revolution with you but, regrettably, I will be out of town... and likely away from the internets... between tomorrow and Monday. It's probably a good thing at least as far as my blood pressure is concerned. Those of you who mainline the political stupid as much as I no doubt understand this Daily Show gag on the same visceral level.
Now, as the longtime readers of this site know, unless Dangerblond is running for something, this site does not make election recommendations. We do not fancy ourselves activists here. It conflicts with our steadfast commitment to detached elitism and our comfort derived from the fact that no one gives a fuck what we think. However, as longtime readers are also aware, we simply cannot pass up any opportunity to be wrong about stuff. Therefore we offer the latest in an ongoing series of dismal Yellow Blog election predictions.
- The New Orleans Saints will continue pass the ball well and play zero defense for the rest of the season on their way to an 8-8 finish. If they finish any worse than that, Coach Soupy may not be back next season. Poochie will continue to annoy people and Bush will lose at least three more fumbles before the season is done. Morten Andersen may be the next kicker. I think Deuce, Grant, Smith, and Nesbit all got shafted by the NFL's draconian and pointless drug testing PR scheme and look forward to their various legal challenges. We'll discuss all of this at length after the election.
- I've already said that Obama will get more than the 17 percent of the Louisiana white vote predicted by this poll. But I don't think he's likely to actually carry the state as some of the more excitable kids seem to be saying.
- The Italian guy will be the next Orleans Parish D.A.
Oh okay, I think the Williams endorsement complicates things but Cannizarro still has the edge.
- John Neely Kennedy will complete his spectacular failure to obtain what was previously thought the "most vulnerable" Democratic Senate seat in the country.
- Dollar Bill will go back to Congress after comfortably trouncing Metairie Barbie.
- The goofy "We agree to whatever plan you haven't told us about yet" charter change will fail.
- Steve Scalise will survive the challenge from Jim Harlan in Congressional District 1
- The Democrats will pick up 30 seats in the House and will reach exactly 60 votes in the Senate. Unfortunately vote number 60 will be Joe Lieberman who will demand to be named King of All That is Sensible with weekly parades in his honor on Friday which will henceforth be known as "Joe The Lieberman" Day.
- Taking the Mayor up on his invitation to stay as long as he likes despite the fact that his office is being dissolved, Ed Blakely will move into the same Loyola University library cubicle that once housed Robert Cerasoli's office. Library staff will complain from time to time about having to clean up his half-finished plastic cups of wine... but since he'll be continuing to spend most of his time in Australia and Dubai anyway, nothing else much will change.
Finally, Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. This is a difficult thing to conceive of for those of us who watched John Kerry find a way to FAIL in 2004... or even Ray Nagin cruise to reelection in 2006. We have come to expect the irrational argument to move the most voters. Greg Peters offers a similar (though not identical) observation of what I think is the same phenomenon. He calls it the "Fuck You Vote". (If Greg ever updates his cartoon archives again, there will be one I can link to for your further edification in this matter)
I've spent the past two months watching for signs that the Fuck You Vote would be activated again this year but, simply put, the sheer incoherence of the McCain campaign has failed to provide the necessary stimulus. Sure there are hordes of drooling half-wit race/religion voters roaming the countryside looking for something to smash, but even those folks need some semblance of a standard bearer and McCain has failed to make them march.
Meanwhile, a surprising number of high-profile Republicans and establishment conservatives have publicly turned their backs on McCain. Every Chris Buckley or Scott McClellan or David Frum to endorse Obama further confuses the McCain message that his opponent is some sort of unacceptable radical. During the campaign's final week, McCain's own nutty running mate is openly undercutting him. Make no mistake. The McCain Campaign is one of the all-time spectacular political bus wrecks.
And while the Obama campaign is cautioning about a last second bike wreck...
I think it's safe to say the thing is done. It's really just a matter of counting electoral votes.
So let's count 'em up, dammit! Here it is, kids. The official Yellow Blog 2008 projection.
Now pick out something nice from your borrowed $150,000 wardrobe, fix yourself some arugula salad, get out of... whichever one of your houses you're staying in this time of year, fill up those tires, and haul yourself down to the polling place Tuesday and vote.
See you next week.