Saturday, January 31, 2015

Carnival is interactive

Where The Vile Things Are
KDV title float 2014

You're supposed to participate.  It's okay, though, it's not like a whole lot is required of you.  You're participating pretty much by just being there.  Just like college. Of course, you'll get a lot more out of the experience if you do the reading first.

Which is why you should have picked up a Monde de Merde somewhere by now. If you haven't, here is a link to the e-book edition.


 Sub-krewe of Underwear is doing a gentrification theme. Their section reports from "Uberville."
Our biggest project is bulldozing that tacky housing development near the French Quarter and erecting the Uberville Condom-miniums,” announced lacily-clad spokeswomanIma Hoh, formerly of the Hoh BrothersErection Company, noted for its insertion of the sprawling, suburban-style medical center into the heart of the city. “What’s the value of historic buildings, centuries-old cemeteries and magnificent oak trees compared to giant, boxy towers?”

In addition to ridiculously overpriced condos and apartments, the Uberville site will include many of the outlet stores that hipsters patronize so slavishly. A partial list includes the Potty Barn, Trader Ho’s, UnBalanced Shoe Outlet, Whorestrom’s, Roach, Ickya, JScrewed, Tommy Yomama, Zeropostale, and Uberzombie & Bitch.

“Why would anyone want to shop at a unique, locally-owned business with distinctive and even hand-made products when you can make your purchases at monolithic, sterile chain stores?” sniffed Ms. Hoh. “What makes us hipsters different is that we all look exactly, like, the same.
 Mama Roux is bringing us GMOs.
The Mama Roux Center for Genetic Experiments, with its substantial enDowment, has long been a player in the world of experimental mutations. M o n s a n t e a u x a n d h i s t e a m o f biogeneticists first came to public attention with their popular Glow- Pets, genetically modifi ed glow-in- the-dark cats, dogs and hamsters which perform double duty as both loveable house pets and energy-efficient night lights.

The Center then received the Times- Pick-a-loon Good Loving Cup for  their pioneering development of Moskitokazes, mosquitoes genetically programmed to dive-bomb abandoned canoes in Bayou St. John instead of biting humans. World-wide fame and fortune, however, did not arrive until the Center developed SmartMeat, a talking beef tenderloin which actually tells the cook how long to bake it, and the Frogmato, a frog-tomato combination which jumps onto a salad plate and turns itself into a bruschetta.
The paper officially endorses Bobby Jindal for President because, "Anything that will get him as far away from Louisiana as possible, we’re in  favor of."

And then there's SPANK. Last year they brought us the Guide to Dizneylandrieu. Hard to top, right?  Well they're trying.  This is 504NotFound.com It's a mobile web site designed to serve as a kind of one stop shop to all the utilities and public services that don't quite work in New Orleans.  It has music, maps, amusing sound effects, and what appears to be an actual GPS enabled scavenger hunt game. Really well done.

Oh almost forgot.  CRAPS is riffing on certain episodes of "student-teacher relations" in the news lately. I am given to understand that this Twitter feed has something to do with that

Anyway, "sit tight, dawlin'" Parade season is here.

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