Security State Gras

It's parade season! Who is ready to go out walking in the streets after dark?

Well, here's something from a New York Times reporter that the New Orleans Convention & Visitors Bureau won't be touting (for a change):

"Be safe" seems to be the No. 1 way to say goodbye in #Nola. People really take care of each other here. Also, have learned no one walks on the street after dark.

— Jada Yuan (@jadabird) January 24, 2018

That's the Twitter account of Jada Yuan, The New York Times' "52 Places to Go" reporter, who will be traveling the globe over the next year, reporting from the Times' much-touted list of travel destinations — of which New Orleans was No. 1, baby. (Based on Yuan's observation, it's more like No. 1 with a bullet.)

Yuan's tweet happened over 24 hours ago so it's already been through the full cycle of NOLA outrage by now.  A bunch of people got mad. And then a bunch of other people got mad that those people got mad.  And then the two or three possible jokes that could be made out of it got blurted simultaneously by 10,000 internet users.  Finally, everybody stroked their chins and sighed before retreating to their corners.  Because one of the obvious jokes is directly applicable to evening Carnival events, there's a second wave coming once the parades start, so be ready for that. In the meantime, just try and "be safe."

Gambit's take in that article supposes the comment might have made tourism officials nervous. But I have to wonder about that.  After all, we've already seen the city is pushing harder than ever this year to get people off the streets as early as possible.  One wonders if they really want you out there at all. 

Krewes are being asked to limit the number of walking groups that lead off their parades or are interspersed between floats. Officials are asking that parades start with no more than a dozen groups — marching bands, dance troupes and unique organizations like the Rolling Elvi — before the first float, with one group following each float after that.

Not to re-hash an earlier complaint, but the marching clubs and bands aren't what's slowing the parades down.  Most delays have to do with broken down floats.  And when multiple parades have to follow one another along a single route, a break down in one parade puts everybody behind schedule.  But the city's action doesn't address any of that.  Instead they're going after these smaller groups who, with their low-barrier for entry and penchant for creativity are among the best vectors for lower and middle class local residents to participate in what is ostensibly still their city's celebration of itself.  Each year it seems like the elites in charge give less and less of a damn about any of that, though.



As I'm typing this, we're currently biting our nails over the forecast for Saturday's Krewe Du Vieux. It looks pretty bad.  I've seen some jokes that maybe the theme is tempting fate a bit.



But I'm also sitting here wondering how much trouble it would be to just move it back one day to Sunday night if they had to. Lots of parades have make-up dates. And KDV happens early enough in the calendar that it wouldn't conflict with anything the next day. It's possible that a postponement would be inconvenient for the membership. But it's also worth asking if the city isn't interested in accommodating what is essentially a big marching club. If they're choosing not to help, why is that?

Anyway, the odds are we're all gonna get a little soggy on Saturday night.  That's a bummer. But it's only the beginning and there's plenty more to come. Let's try and keep the big fat security state (Security State Gras) from harshing our buzz too much.  Here are a few items to get us in the swing of things.

It's an early Mardi Gras this year. There won't be another one this early until 2024.   That means there will be some chilly nights. But it also tends to make for lighter and less "Spring Breaky" crowds. Some people prefer that. Some don't. I've never had a preference for either an early or late season. But I would very much prefer that Carnival remain a "moveable feast." There is some speculation that it may not. There's an element of mystery that comes with a holiday pegged to the lunar cycle. It would be a shame to lose that.

Because Mardi Gras is so early this year, everybody is rushing to get their king cakes in now. You'd think the short season would make for fewer and less baroque elaborations on the king cake theme but The Advocate is on a mission to prove you wrong. Ian McNulty has already sampled a doberge king cake, a crawfish king cake, even a beer king cake among several other exotic examples. Meanwhile, NOLA.com alerts us to a style of king cake ice cream we were not previously aware of.

Also, last week we ran across this item.

Traditional Rock-n-Sake Sushi King Cake comes standard filled with snow crab and cream cheese pressed with sushi rice as the "dough" with assorted toppings of avocado, tuna, spicy tuna, fresh salmon, yellowtail, lemon zest, yuzu tobiko, wasabi tobiko, rainbow sprouts, crunchy tempura flakes, jalapenos, green onions, thin slices of lime, smelt roe, dots of sriracha, eel sauce, spicy mayo, chili-sesame oil, ponzu, and voodoo sauces.

"Sushi King Cake" is a pretty good hook. But, really, it's just a big roll shaped into an oval.  It sounds perfectly edible. Speaking of which, I find I am 2 for 2 in getting stuck with the baby this year the latest incident coming about just this Thursday.



Maybe the short season really is a good thing.

Finally, no king cake discussion would be complete without our annual look at the market for king cake flavored vodka.  It appears to be crashing badly this season.  Where once there were three brands available at most outlets, there is now only the bottom shelf Taaka in stock at Rouses. And they are having trouble giving even that away.  The price opened at $7.39 on January 11.



And is now all the way down to $6.99 as of January 23.



There is a King Cake Festival now, as well. (Of course there is.) It is this Sunday in Champions Square.

Also coming back, the Jefferson Parish "Family Gras" (literally Fat Family) for those parents who still believe, even in 2018, that the city is some sort of hellish no-go zone for children.  Don't get me wrong. As always, I encourage everyone to do their part to spread the festivities out across as wide a geographical range as possible.  It's just JP's marketing implication that theirs is the only "family friendly" setting that gets annoying.  But, hey, they do have Oates. Nobody can deny that.

Expect plenty of S&WB jokes at Carnival this year.  It looks like S&WB themselves may have beaten us to the first one, actually.

Aside from leaves, mud and sundry sludge, there's one festive item that cleaning crews sucking out thousands of storm drains in New Orleans have found in droves recently.

Mardi Gras beads. Tons of them.

Specifically: 93,000 pounds on a five-block stretch of St. Charles Avenue downtown.

Is that a lot? It sounds like a lot.  The five-block stretch referenced here is between Lee Circle and Poydras Street which isn't too surprising. It's the point in the route where float riders are prone to suddenly realize they have bought too many beads and begin to furiously dump them overboard in a panic. It's also where spectators are the most confined into the high rise scaffolding seen here which results in a fair amount of unrecoverable spillage into the street.



Here is some new instructional artwork I noticed on Napoleon Avenue this week. Maybe the alligator will help people be more conscientious in the future.



Meanwhile, it's time to get out and practice walking in the streets so we know what to do after it gets dark.  Here we see the KDV sub-Krewe of Underwear doing just that last weekend in the Marigny.



Needs work, maybe.

And here is the Singleton Charter School Marching Band stomping around the neighborhood Wednesday afternoon.



Looking a bit better. Be safe.

The market for king cake vodka 2017

Casual observation but it looks like we may have reached a stable equilibrium price at or around $8.00 for a bottle of Taaka. It's the only brand I've been able to find this year so far.



In years previous, higher end competition from Pinnacle and Lucky Player led to a more volatile situation.  This example is from 2013.



Needless to say, we will continue to monitor the situation as the season progresses.

Carnival time

Ready or not here comes... a press conference and photo op.

NEW ORLEANS — Tomorrow, Mayor Mitch Landrieu and other city officials will join representatives from Carnival organizations to celebrate Kings Day, which marks the official start of the 2016 Carnival season. Carnival season begins on Jan. 6 each year and culminates on Mardi Gras day, which is on Feb. 9, 2016. The celebration will include presentations from Carnival organizations and a ceremonial cutting of the king cake.

WHO:              Mayor Mitch Landrieu

                        City Officials

                        Carnival Krewe Representatives

WHAT:            Kings Day Celebration

WHEN:            Wednesday, Jan. 6, 2016                        10 a.m.

WHERE:         Mardi Gras World

                       1380 Port of New Orleans Place

                       New Orleans, LA 70160

Don't get too caught up in the magic.

Also, know this exists now.



Assuming the idea here is now you can mix it with Stoli and make your own damn King Cake vodka this year.  Although, I should say... it's been done.

Where there's vape, there's.. well.. ew

We're only one week, or if you like, one king cake baby into this year's Carnival season. But already there are controversies a' brewing. For example, why hasn't Krewe Du Vieux updated their website in over a year?  The parade rolls in three weeks and folks are eager to see the new route.  It's out there, if you know where to look.

Kindly set up hydration stations for our Krewe during this year's 5K. pic.twitter.com/7tcmeAHIyZ
— Happy Drunk (@KreweduVieux) January 10, 2015

But since hardly anybody uses Twitter, it might be time to get the print edition out on the streets.

Meanwhile, the annual contest to see who can actualize the most absurd king cake concept is well underway.

Instead of a king cake burger arms race, the 2015 Carnival season brought us fries.

Anthony Graham Blackall, a Loyola undergrad who runs the food blog Glazed & Confused, dreamed up the sweet potato king cake fries.

"In my quest to create the closest thing possible to dessert poutine," Blackall writes, "I made this absolute showstopper of a dessert chock-full of vitamin A."

The sweet potato fries are topped with brown butter cream cheese glaze, praline sauce, pecans and -- bien sûr -- purple, green and gold sugar.

That's actually tamer than I expected. When I saw the "King Cake Fries" headline I figured someone would be out deep frying slices of king cake... which, come to think of it, is kind of a strange thing to have not actually happened by now.

Case in point, the appearance of "King Cake Fries," on Twitter the other day touched off a round of people trying to name the most ridiculous king cake flavored item and often failing to outstrip the bounds of reality.

For example, King Cake Artisanal Popcorn is a thing in real life. 

But then there is this.

The Original King Cake Flavored eJuice.  The King Cake is a quintessential New Orleans tradition for Carnival time.  Our King Cake Flavor blend is hand crafted in New Orleans with the finest Organic ingredients.  The best e-juice (e-liquid) for lower prices.

During last week's city council shout-a-thon over the smoking ban, councilors and commenters puzzled over the future of the only recently born vaping industry.

Electronic cigarette smokers also are targeted in the ordinance, which lists possible forthcoming health warnings and difficulty of enforcing e-cig use as reasons it would be prohibited. E-cig supporters argue that e-cigs not only can be used as a smoking cessation tool, but that if cigar bars can be grandfathered into the ordinance, then there's no reason that vape shops can't also allow for e-cig use.

E-cigs have birthed a new industry booming across south Louisiana, and its supporters feel the City Council has overreached in its ban of a product that many feel is safe not only for its users, but to others fearing secondhand "smoke." Chad Rogers, who runs a vape shop in Terrebonne Parish, was among a large group of e-cig supporters wearing T-shirts that read, "I'm not a smoker... anymore." The group was among several speakers who argued that vaping can act as a smoking cessation tool that has not yet been vetted by government health organizations. Rogers said if cigar bars are exempt from the new ban, then vape shops should also be allowed for vaping. Musician Juliette Tworsey, who opposes the ordinance as written, said vaping can potentially save lives.

But now e-cigs are not only their very own business sector and active lobby, thanks to this "hand-crafted" and "Organic" novelty flavor, they are also part of the unique culture of New Orleans.. or something.  No way that goes down without a fight.

Speaking of novlety flavored juices, here is our first look at the king cake vodka market. As of yesterday it was running from $8.15 on the low end..



To $23.99 on the high end.



I can't imagine what you're paying for with that extra fifteen dollars. (The discrepancy has been even wider in the past, in fact.) Seems excessive given that the Taaka actually won the only taste test, I've ever been aware of.

On the other hand, it might be important to pay for quality king cake themed foodstuffs. You never know what kind of shoddy product might be out there. 

Carnival pre-gaming

As of Wednesday afternoon, the above were the prices on King Cake Vodka at your local Rouses.  Parade season hits its stride tonight so now would be a good time to stock up if you're into that sort of thing. Not sure what to tell you about the fact that Rouses is offering 750 ml bottles of Taaka King Cake Vodka for two different prices. Pay whichever one you think is most appropriate, I guess.



If flavored vodkas aren't your thing take comfort in the fact that there are more great locally produced beers available in parade route convenient cans than at any point in my lifetime anyway.

NOLA Brewing has added its Irish Channel Stout to its canned offerings, Tin Roof is selling a nice "coffee porter" specifically branded for parade goers. In recent years, there's been so much Abita Jockamo at my place during parades that I've come to think of it as an essential flavor of carnival.  Despite the wide availability of so much superior product, I'm the most hooked by the fact that Miller Lite is going with the retro labeling.  There's a case of that chilling in the fridge right now.

But there's more to Carnival prep than just stocking up on potables. There's also the question of where one is going to eventually deposit them.  You might be familiar with the popular "Ain't no place to pee" trope. It can become a real issue for residents near the parade route.



This week, the city has been aggressively combating the problem by positioning port-o-lets like these along the Napoleon Avenue neutral ground and at Lee Circle. 



But that's never enough.  Some techies claim to offer an entre-pee-neurial solution via the "Airpnp App." Not sure when that launches, though.

If you do find yourself waiting in line to pee, you'll need something to pass the time.  Sure you can dick around on Twitter but don't forget that Carnival is for people watching.  And to do that properly you'll need a bingo card like the one Gambit has provided here. I'm gonna go ahead and check off the bottom-left corner since that's basically me every year.

J.P. Villere has been writing a version of this rundown of proper Carnival etiquette for a few years now. This one is particularly good.  

(20) Surprise yourself.  Expect anything might happen during a parade; see (17).  Stash a Band aid or three in your wallet or purse just because.  Bring earplugs for you and yours; between sirens and all the bands you may actually want them.  Wear sunscreen; see (13).  Drink less; see (18).  Say please and thank you more.  In other words, in surprising yourself, let Carnival reveal the best of yourself whether marching, masking, or spectating

There's plenty of practical advice in there too.  To that, I would add one thing.  It's a good idea to make sure your bicycle is in working order.  But even on the bike, you'll have trouble navigating a crowd and getting across parade routes.  For the most part, you should be ready to walk.

The weather is looking especially iffy this year so make sure you have a poncho or a raincoat available.  I always go pick up a new pair of waterproof hiking boots just before the first parade.  Makes a big difference.



There's usually just enough tread in them to get me through Jazzfest.  But after that they go in the trash.

I've already got a few miles on them this year thanks to the mess downtown during last Saturday's convergence of Krewe Du Vieux with hosting activities for the NBA All Star Game. We were actually pretty lucky to have parked as near to the quarter as Camp and Julia. We walked alongside a stationary line of frustrated motorists bottled up by the closure of Canal Street to vehicular traffic.  Here are some confused drivers being rerouted onto Common Street.



The upper Quarter was pedestrian only as well which is something that usually happens during the second weekend of parades and sometimes during other special events but not during KDV weekend.  If you can get there, it makes for a nice atmosphere.  This is crap photo of the open Chartres Street but it's the only one I have.



There are people who argue that the Quarter should be pedestrian-only on a permanent basis.  But something about that makes me uncomfortable.  It's fun during Carnival or during other events to shut things down and contribute to the feeling of pause these celebrations lend to ordinary life.  But on most days, the French Quarter is still a living breathing part of the city.



Shutting it down to all but foot traffic all the time feels a little too much like... well,



We were lucky enough to snag a Guide To Dizneylandrieu from a Krewe of SPANK marcher.  SPANK's theme was the evening's clear winner. Uptownmessenger got a hold of a hi-res scan of the guide and published it along with an Owen Courreges column which does a good job of getting at the reason this theme resonated.

There’s a good deal to work with here. Mayor Landrieu’s Disneyfied policies include his proposal for “closing hours” for Jackson Square, signing a law banning certain speech on Bourbon Street, his support (later retracted) for the recently-proposed noise ordinance, his well-publicized enforcement crackdowns on alcoholic beverage outlets and live music venues – the list goes on.

Although obviously to a lesser degree, one could argue that Landrieu is attempting to pull off something akin to Mayor Giuliani’s tenure in New York.

Dizneylandrieu wasn't the only act of cleverness pulled off at KDV, of course.  Other highlights included Krewe of CRAPS' "Gov at Twerk" theme depicting Bobby Jindal as Miley Cyrus.  The float featured a picture of the governor riding a wrecking ball as it battered the state of Louisiana.



Also CRAPS marchers are pretty good at distributing liquor beads, if you know how to ask nicely.



Here's the Krewe of CRUDE's noise ordinance SWAT team.



And this is about 30 seconds of a brass band playing "Cissy Strut" just as the Krewe of Comatose's despoiled wetlands themed "Zombie Fish" float arrives.



For more video, be sure to check out Humid City where Loki has posted the product of his having served as a KDV parade escort while wearing his ridiculous Google robot goggles and bothering people the way he does.  It's pretty good.


Tonight's parades are Oshun followed by Cleopatra... much of which I am probably going to miss because six months ago I bought tickets to see Neutral Milk Hotel without event thinking about the parade schedule.  I'm sure it will be worth it.  It's just that the traffic might make getting there kind of an adventure.  Might try just walking with the parade.

Rolling on

Tucks parade St. Charles Avenue 2010

The Tucks toilet paper ban has been removed from the council's proposed Carnival ordinance. The city council will take up the matter no earlier than January 23.

So. At least that's over with. But hey, isn't now a great time to catch up on the old King Cake Vodka Price index, then? Already there's been movement!



In the space of just a week or so, the Pinnacle brand King Cake Vodka is up one dollar to $9.99. Its entry into the market has the "top shelf" brand Lucky Player at $21.99 which is the lowest price we've ever seen it displayed at.  Taaka remains the bargain at $6.59 for 750ml or $13.79 for the family sized liter bottle. Now might be the time to stock up. 

Carnival Time

The reason the above photo is so blurry is because it was taken in haste a couple weeks ago while I was thinking more about Christmas dinner than I was about Carnival season.  But Rouses, being the forward thinkers they are, have been preparing for some time now.  Especially in the bakery where shoppers have noticed king cakes popping up for months.


December 6, 2013. Feast Of The Pre-Piphany

Because today is the first day of Carnival season, New Orleanians everywhere are following their time-honored tradition of getting on Twitter and yelling at one another about when they are not allowed to eat king cake, where are the places they should not buy a king cake,  what sorts of things are not okay to put on a king cake, and whether or not king cake is really cut out for the rock and roll lifestyle.

Thanks #OneEyedJack for the N'Orleans King Cake! Careful with that knife Jim... mind the baby! pic.twitter.com/XNEbm10TDK
— theBreeders (@thebreeders) December 30, 2013

But whatever your feelings on these divisive issues may be, one thing we should be able to agree on is there are worse ways to handle the chill of a Polar Vortex than turning your sno-ball stand into a temporary bakery.

Can't imagine many people will brave the Vortex for a glimpse of the Phunny Phorty Phellows tonight. Although, I suppose a supply of that disgusting king cake flavored vodka might help with that.

Which brings us back to the blurry photo up top.  It appears that this year Pinnacle has introduced a mid-range offering for the king cake vodka market.  I searched the Pinnacle website for more information. I do not recommend trying this because 1) there is no information about king cake vodka there and 2) viewing that website is like previewing your own king cake vodka hangover.

Since I have (not sure why) made it my business to track such things, I can report that Pinnacle is currently available at Rouses for $8.99.  The low-end brand is Taaka. It was on display for $6.59.  Having been too much in a hurry to even stop and take a decent photo, I can only report that I didn't bother to price the Lucky Player.  In recent years it has been as high as $28.99 a bottle and as low as $24.99

The wide price disparity among gimmick flavored vodkas is especially puzzling given that Taaka actually won a taste test administered by NOLA.com last year. Personally I still recommend none of the above.  If you must ruin your liquor and your stomach with king cake infused vodka at least a little bit this Carnival season, the best and most economical move is to make your own.

Carnival interruptus

It's a big responsibility being "the Arthur Hardy for a new generation." But don't worry. There's a complete re-cap of the first weekend's Carnival events coming along soon enough.  In the meantime, enjoy these photos Liprap took from Krewe of 'tit Rex, an event I didn't manage to cross Canal Street and catch myself this year.

Also, as  a follow up to Todd Price's report, I noticed the Taaka brand King Cake Vodka was back down to $5.99 at Rouses this week.  So enjoy that... if such a thing is possible.

The market for king cake vodka

A little more than a week ago we reported on the crucially important matter of the wide variance in prices for competing brands of king cake flavored vodka. At the time, the Lucky Player king cake flavored vodka was running at a full thirteen dollars more than the Taaka king cake flavored vodka.


January 12, 2013: Make yourself ill for either $5.99 or $28.99


This afternoon we noticed the prices have moved already.  Taaka is up sixty cents while Lucky Player has crashed a full four bucks.




Taaka's entry into the market has forced the price of Lucky Player below even last year's price of $26.99 when supplies were so tight that Rouses was imposing rations.



What is the equilibrium price of king cake flavored vodka?  Probably somewhere between a head and stomachache.