I'm almost hesitant to say this at this point since doing so might imply that the audience hasn't been paying very close attention over the years but I feel compelled to note once more for the record that nothing works in this town.
The police don't work. City computers don't work. The schools don't work. The levees don't work. I myself rarely work unless I can help it. Which is fine since neither does the Governor unless he's working on something that doesn't involve Louisiana.
Stranger still is the pause one gives oneself when attempting to name things that do indeed work well in New Orleans and the first two items that pop into one's mind are the red light cameras and, of all things, the football team (more on that in a moment). We live in the oddest of all possible times in the oddest of all possible places.
One thing we are now more certain of than ever after this weekend is that even our most basic elements of our civic infrastructure cannot be relied upon to work properly.
If you look closely, you'll notice the flag flapping lazily about in the wind reads, "Safety Always"
Because I'm sure you've heard enough about the facts of the water outage and because you're probably tired of the unrelenting.. um... stream of jokes about water substitutes like Four Loko or Brawndo! (The Thirst Mutilator) or home purification techniques involving Corexit, and because you're certainly not in the mood for preachy profound editorializing that can reduce easily to, "Things should probably work better", I'll spare you all of that and share a separate, parallel Sewerage and Water Board anecdote from the past week.
I happen to have a semi-formal relationship with a one hundred plus year old library building. During the course of this relationship I've become passingly familiar with the quirky maintenance requirements of buildings in that age group. Last week those requirements necessitated an interface with S & WB after Roto-rooter completed the clearing of a drain line up to the point where, Roto-rooter believed, a municipal infrastructure engineer should get involved. In other words, he could get the crap to drain out of the building but couldn't get it to stop backing up where it met the sidewalk.
The first interesting thing about interfacing with S & WB is that they take great pains to convince you that they are not the people you should be talking to. In our case, this process involved answering the following charges:
1) Can't you call a plumber? We had already done this.
2) You will need to tell us where the drain hooks up to the main sewer line. We have no idea.
3) You need to ask the guy who originally did the work. Possibly 100 years ago.
4) Can you prove to us that the problem is on the city's side and not yours? We..um.. thought we were also the city.
The second interesting thing about interfacing with S & WB is that once they are convinced to go to work on the problem, they really go to work on the problem. Which is to say they call in several different teams of people to puzzle over maps, dig holes, operate hoses, and argue with members of the other teams over what pipes under the ground might be going which way.
The third interesting thing... or at least an interesting aspect of the second interesting thing is that there is far less certainty about just what is underground than one would expect to feel comfortable with. By the end of the week, I am given to understand at least, it was resolved that because of the uncertainty regarding the backed up tie-in, they're just going to go ahead and make a new one. And maybe by now they've finished with that project and life can go on as before.
The important takeaway here, though, is after watching these events unfold, the water outage wasn't such a jarring surprise to some of us. Not that anything like this should be now. Not after everything else we've learned to shrug off as just more of life's little absurdities. Like the first 40 years of Saints football, for example. In fact, one could argue the team's present status as Very Serious Perennial Contender came about only because it was the most absurd of all possible eventualities. And thus the only thing that makes any sense around here.
Saints vs Seahawks and also Saints vs Cowboys: All of these photos are stolen from T-P photographers' work on display in the NOLA.com galleries as usual.
Oh except this one I took of the Dome looking up from Chapion(')s Square.
- Programming Note: We did the Seahawks game without Menckles because she had to make a 5:30 cast call for the final performance of To Moscow, You Betcha! which was every bit as good and then some as this Gambit review of the first performance would indicate. More on this and the New Orleans Fringe Festival later.
We did the Dallas game from Menckles' brother's house in Baltimore because it was Thanksgiving Day and we were accordingly more drunk and out of it than we usually are at the Dome. Thus the vagueness of the Cowboys notes. - Freaking Stud Alert: Don't look now but Chris "#Ironbutt" Ivory is tearing up the NFL. Undrafted Ivory now leads all rookies with 481 rushing yards and his 4.8 per carry average is sixth overall. Ivory was the reason the Saints offense was unstoppable for most of this game, particularly during the first half when he flew over a goal line pile-up for his first career touchdown. When Ivory wasn't leaping over tacklers he was trucking through them. Seattle defenders were frequently seen bouncing off of or being dragged along with Ivory as he moved pile after pile of them for extra yardage. After the game, Seahawks coach Pete Carroll told us, "I thought Chris Ivory was a freakin' stud out there." We thought so too.
At times Saints fans were tempted to yell, "DEUUUCE" just because it felt appropriate. - Congratulations to Drew Brees on being named Sportsman of the Year by SI: Not checking on this but I believe Brees is the first athlete in the history to receive this tangentially sports-related sports award and also be under 5'5" tall. Also not checking on this anywhere but I think I remember three (3) passing attempts tipped at the line of scrimmage vs Seattle. I did just check the stats to learn that he's third in the NFL in total number of interceptions thrown.
But those aren't the only reasons we're suspicious, and frankly kind of tired of Drew Brees lately. To begin with, Brees chose to have his non-sports sports award presented to him by Katie Couric. Couric and Brees have developed a strange rapport of the years which speaks poorly of each's judgment.
But the seriously troublesome bit arises from this NewOrleans.com interview wtih Brees.You won Sportsman of the Year because of what you did off the field as well as on. Do you ever envision having a political career when your playing career is over?
“Maybe. I’m not closing any doors, but I’m hoping I can play football for quite a while longer and then we’ll take a look at potential opportunities.”
It sounds like maybe you’ve crossed that bridge a little bit?
“There are a lot of things I think about. I want to do this or that. I feel I can make a difference doing this or that. That’s one of those things I feel I could make a difference. We’ll see. It’s a long while (away).”
Brees believes he has a future in elective office. As the second Saints quarterback to enter politics, would Brees be more or less of a worthless douche than Heath Shuler? The signs aren't good.
Those of us with memories will recall Brees' disturbing statements last year when he claimed the Guantanamo detainees were treated "10 times better than any prisoner in a U.S. prison" because there are Nintendo Wii's on the premises or something like that anyway.
There's also his pre-game chant which he says is derived from his enjoyment of one of the most disgustingly fascistic movies of the modern age.
And then there's his recently published book which, when one isn't reading it merely to collect episodes of unintentional humor, is notable mostly for its simple-minded tone and its unrelenting application of magical "positive thinking" techniques to every day life. The other day a Twittering friend described it as "a Children's book for Christians" which is kind of true. But I think it's more like The Secret for football fans.
What's wrong with this? Barbarah Ehrenreich explains in this video, which is a short version of her book Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America Which I can't recommend highly enough.
If Drew Brees' ambition is to apply the principles outlined in his children's book to politics and government, we're no better off with him than we are with Sarah Palin.
But on the.. um.. bright side of things, the Saints' passing game looks to be in as good a shape lately as it has been been all year. Plus Drew does still have a mean stiffarm.
- Odd happenings from the Seahawks game: Devery Henderson caught a pass. Junior Galette made a tackle. Chase Daniel did a thing. And Adrian Arrington continued to be a future all-pro.
Relieved at the news of his own resurfacing, Devery immediately led the Superdome crowd in a "Chi-Chi-Chi Le-Le-Le" chant which, BTW, is not from the movie 300. - Pants factor: The Saints have now won three consecutive black-panted football games. Because this trend represents a slight departure from historic patterns, we will humbly offer two working hypotheses. 1) Having been made aware of the fans' concerns over the Pants factor, the players have made it their personal mission to debunk the theory. On the one hand, this is fine with us because it means they're winning games. On the other hand, they still look stupid doing so.
Also the Seattle game was a special situation due to the water outage. Orleans Parish residents were still waiting for the all-clear at kickoff time. If you were going to hanging around in a building where you may come into contact with contaminated water AND "walking tacos", you wanted to be in black pants.
The white-panted Seahawks must have been overly self-conscious considering the circumstances - Uh Oh the kicker sucks: Garrett Hartley missed another 27 yard field goal against Seattle. Garrett Hartley is not good. I don't even know why we're even having this conversation anymore. Meanwhile, Olindo fucking Mare, whose fault all of this might very well be in the first place, went 3-3 against the Saints. If that doesn't exemplify universal absurdity, I don't know what does.
- All that playmaking and shit: After the Seattle game, Reggie Bush was asked about his late scratch from the active roster. He didn't know exactly what the problem was saying, “I don’t know. I think I got to score a couple of touchdowns in pregame." At Dallas, we hope Reggie was the pre-game MVP because the rest of his day was an utter bust which could... really should have cost his team the game. Bush (1 yard on 1 carry rushing plus 12 yards on 1 reception) As the Saints were trying to fend off a furious second half comeback by Dallas, Bush dropped what would have been a sure touchdown pass. The resulting field goal left the Saints with a 10 point lead and somewhat stalled momentum. Five plays later, Bush dropped a punt at his own 15 leading to a Dallas touchdown and the assurance that this game would be a nail-biter the rest of the way. Here Sean Payton says Bush "wasn't supposed to return punts during his first game back" But somehow he did anyway. I don't know what explains that.
After Reggie's last appearance in which he suffered a broken leg while turning the ball over returning a punt we wrote, "You drop a punt, we break a leg" Looks like we owe him another one. Anyone want to do the honors? I know where there's a bat we can use.
- Jeremey Shockey may not be done quite yet:
I know all he does is catch the ball and fall down these days but even that is preferable to Jimmy Graham's turnover late at Dallas which was as bad or worse than Bush's deplorable behavior. Graham is a fine athlete but he's demonstrated more than once that he is far from sure-handed. It isn't a given that he's the future star people are making him out to be. At this point, he's probably got as good a shot of making it big as Adrian Arrington has. - Turning up the Takeaway Machine: Gregg Williams' vaunted turnover-creating defense has, after a slow start, begun to live up to its reputation lately. The Saints' defense created two turnovers on two consecutive series to start the second half against Seattle and very nearly gathered a third when Tracy Porter and his fun haircut almost intercepted Elisabeth Hasselbeck's husband.
Against Dallas, there was another crucial takeaway that... well it's been talked pretty much to death this week.
Yeah that one
While Roy Williams' fumble was a crucial moment against Dallas, I'm not sure it was the biggest play of the game much less one of the Top 10 Plays in Saints' History. Personally I was more impressed with Saints' ability to get the ball back down the field and capitalize on that bit of luck than I was with the luck itself. In my mind the 55 yard pass to Robert Meachem a few plays later was as big or bigger than the turnover itself.
But okay, since everyone is doing it, we'll play the little game too. I don't mean to take anything away from Jeff Duncan's compilation of top 10 plays I linked to in the above paragraph. You should go read that list, especially since Duncan has gone to the trouble of looking up some of the relevant video. It's a fine list but I don't think it's quite right. Here very quickly are ten plays that I would name as the ten most monumental in Saints history.
1) John Gilliam's kickoff return for a touchdown in the opening game: (Duncan lists it as number 4.) Even if the first play in Saints history had been an offsides penalty it would (in addition to being more appropriate in retrospect) would have to be number one. The fact that it was a touchdown does add something, of course but it's beside the point. For Saints fans, how can any event surpass the moment when they first saw their team in action? One might ask, what could be more significant than the fact that we exist? Regardless of the consequences of that fact.
2) Steve Gleason's blocked punt vs Atlanta in 2006: (Duncan has this number 3.) And this is a close competitor for number one because if Gilliam's touchdown confirmed that the Saints existed, Gleason's punt block was (a small but significant) moment in the entire city's struggle to confirm whether or not it still existed after the Federal Flood. This question wasn't exactly answered by a Monday Night touchdown (shit, sometimes I wonder if it still has been) but it was, to put it lightly, a welcome moment of catharsis for those of us trying to answer it.
3) Goal line stand at Pittsburgh 1987: (Not on Duncan's list) After 21 years nobody was sure the Saints would or could ever win more games than they lost in a season. The monkey removed from fans' backs when this game was saved and the ninth win assured brought a far greater sense of relief and exhilaration than seeing the Lombardi Gras parade two decades later. Why? Seeing the trophy may have meant everything was done but seeing the Saints win for the first time meant anything was possible which is a far more exciting thing to contemplate.
4)Hakim drops the ball: (Duncan lists this number 6) Having finally conquered their long heartbreaking quest to even make the playoffs, the Saints immediately embarked on another long heartbreaking quest to win a playoff game. It would take 14 years from the moment the Saints first appeared in a post-season game for their fans to know what it was like to win one. And even the outcome of that was in doubt until the very last moments when the fumble Jim Henderson immortalized with his excited description happened. Note also that the first two items on my list here deal with essential questions of existence for Saints fans. It isn't until here at number four where we learn via Henderson's call that "There is a God after all!"
5) Brett Favre's decision to throw an exceedingly stupid interception rather than run for easy yardage in the 2009 NFC Championship (Duncan lists this as number 2) We know it's fashionable to hate Brett Favre these days but Saints fans should reserve a spot in their hearts for fond memories of the day he made it possible for their team to reach their first Super Bowl.
6) Tracy Porter's pick-6 vs Peyton Manning in Super Bowl 44: (Duncan has this number 1) It was just a great job by Porter. The Colts' two best offensive players were running their bread and butter play. Porter read it perfectly, broke on the ball, and took it back. And that basically won the game. Not much else to say about it.
7) Mike Lansford's game winning kick in 1983: (Not on Duncan's list) None of the great moments would be as thrilling as they were without the kill shots like this one. The 83 Saints were one win away from the franchise's first winning season and a possible playoff berth but were denied at the last second by the bare-footed Lansford. Saints fans carried this sting with them all the way to Miami last year.
8) Tom Dempsey's kick: Right because it was (is) a record. And Dempsey had half a foot. And everybody was there and.. okay we all know this story, right?
9) "Oh My God How Could He Do That?" (Duncan has this number 10) It's how most of us remember the "River City Relay" after Jim Henderson's incredulous exclamation after John Carney blew an extra point which could have... should have sent the Saints into overtime at Jacksonville by virtue of their last second highly improbable touchdown via multiple laterals. The touchdown is fun to watch but it's the kick that makes this a truly great moment. It captures everything we love about football's ability to demand so much emotional investment from us despite its essential absurdity.
10) The "Meacharound" (Duncan's number 9) This is Wang's name for the play against Washington last season where Robert Meachem stole the football back from an intercepting player and ran it in for the craziest touchdown of our lifetimes. Because the play involved giving the ball away and then taking it back, and because the Redskins were involved, I wanted to call this play "The Indian Give" but for some reason that never caught on. It's a great play for the same reason as the one above it on this list. It's nuts. Sometimes nuttiness works against you. Sometimes it works for you... even when it's working against you at the same time.
Whew. Exhausted yet? I know I am. Sometimes crappy football blogging can almost seem like work. And when I put it off for too long before finishing at 4 AM the night before some of it becomes three weeks too late, it feels exactly like work. Luckily I only do a slightly crappier job at actual work so I don't feel too bad about it. But before we wrap it up I'd like to make one more point about absurdity which we can then very likely apply to football tomorrow when the Saints very likely struggle against an underrated Bengals team in the snow.
As was mentioned waay at the top of this post, the final performance of To Moscow, You Betcha! ran just after the Saints and Seahawks wrapped up in the Dome two Sundays ago. I biked over from the Superdome in time to catch that show. I was proud to see Menckles perform and am grateful to our friends who came out as well during the short run.
This was the first time I've had an opportunity to see any of the performances that comprise the rapidly growing New Orleans Fringe Festival and plan to continue to support the festival in the future. After To Moscow's finale, we walked over the Allways Lounge and caught one more Fringe play that night called Mind Control: A Psychotic Self Help Seminar which I thought was extremely clever and creative and very well performed but also nowhere near as profound or insightful as its creators imagined it to be.
There was a lot of horror-inspired acting out of the "dark" parts of the human psyche most of which involved predictable fantasy about sex, violence, incest, and, of course, Hall and Oates. Along with this was the not-so vague hint that we modern folk are particularly vulnerable to these horrors because our modern means of communication isolate us from one another and prevent us from thinking for ourselves and.... are you bored by this too? Right. I certainly am and I was just about to explain why to Menckles as we sat in the bar afterward. I was drunk so this isn't exactly what I was saying to her but it isn't too far off,
"The problem is some people, while very self aware and intelligent folk and all, are too self-important to know how unnecessary this kind of canned angst is. I mean all of this examination of human psyche seems a waste of time to me. There's nothing really all that profound in our nightmares. I mean, we all have them, right?
And then there's also this need to put a finger on what's wrong. Some people believe themselves to be so smart that they must master every detail of the world around them. That it all has to make sense in a very specific context that they've determined is important. And when that doesn't work perfectly, the hip thing to do is blame something like in this case information overload or media culture. When most people really are just to afraid to engage the world while accepting its absurdities.... "
But then we were interrupted by some guy who admitted he was tripping pretty badly but wanted to know how the show went since he had just missed it. So I stopped running my stupid mouth and gave him a far more useful review than that which I was inflicting on Menckles,
"Well it had a really nice elaborate dance number, some shadow puppetry, and a lady in a very funny hat. I loved it. Had a great time."
And that's the truth. I really did. Hoping to have the same sort of great time tomorrow at noon.
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