Not many people know this but there is an actual #KreweOfChad parade. It kicks off every year at about 2:00 PM on the Saturday before Mardi Gras when the Chads stationed along the Uptown parade route begin migrating en masse down to see Endymion. If you want to see them all you have to do is turn around and watch the opposite side of St. Charles for a while during Tucks.
Krewe of Chad doesn't throw much but they do leave a distinctive trail behind them. These red Solo cups strewn about the street are their version of the Tucks TP streamers seen also below.
Chad probably won't be your favorite parade. But it's worth knowing about. Consider it another in the grand tapestry of spectacles one happens upon during these days of Carnival climax. For example, on Friday night, after the parades had ended, Menckles and I sat out on the stoop and watched the neighborhood reverberate in their wake. The Krewe Of Municipal Vehicles (file photo 2009) clanged and banged and bulldozed the streets clean again. The rented out house across the street hosted a party well into the night. It provided the background music as a neighbor loaded (with some difficulty) several bags of aluminum cans she had collected into the back of a vintage Ford Aerostar.
As for the Chads, themselves, they will be back. Those among them who aren't arrested, run over, or shot by a Port-O-Let tonight will be back in position Uptown tomorrow morning. We'll do our best to entertain them.
New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu warned folks that
the city wouldn't let them use caution tape or rope or any other
physical barriers to try and reserve spots to watch Mardi Gras, and
today, city crews made good on that.
"Crews for the city are out here picking up tape and spikes and other
things people have set in the neutral ground," WWL's Dave Cohen reported
from Canal Street. "City work crews are out here in force now, picking
it all up and throwing it away."
"In force," even. Who ever thought we would live to see it?
In case you were hoping to see Gene Simmons during Endymion, you may have to catch the parade later in the route.
Endymion
founder and captain Ed Muniz, told WWL-TV due to scheduling with the
sound check, Simmons would not be able to join for the entire parade
route. Muniz said he hopes to put him in a limo and have him meet up
with the Grand Marshal float somewhere between Broad and Carrollton
avenues.
Yeah yeah, scheduling issues, whatever. I choose to believe the problem was the Chad Blockade. And now Mitch has ridden to the rescue. Very exciting stuff.
A KISS themed float makes its way down St. Charles during the Krewe of Carrollton parade on Sunday
Okay let's just go ahead and talk about this right off the bat. There is palpable tension in the air as we head into the peak of this parade season. It really can't be avoided. Look around. The fate of the nation rests in the fragile, tiny hands of an unstable lunatic. The state is broke. Those of us living in the city are more anxious than ever that we may be priced out and our homes turned into time shares. The mayor is proposing to close our bars at 3. He's already turned all of downtown into a great big Nike ad. There is crime. There is homelessness. There are tornadoes. There is Sting. Troubled times make for troubled carnivals.
In a way, we can say this means things are pretty much as we would expect them to be. I would argue, in fact, that Carnival is the most essential of our civic endeavors specifically because it is not a respite from, but a reflection of the state of the community. It is a grotesque pageant that magnifies our joys and our anxieties all at once. It does not offer escape. It does offer catharsis. It's important, then, that we get this one right. There may be years when it's fine to just have an OK Mardi Gras. This year, we're gonna have to do better than that. This might be easier to say than it is to do, if it is even something we have any control over in the first place. Anyway it feels like there's a lot riding on it this time.
It certainly felt like that on KDV night. Mostly, I think we handled it well.
Behind the sea of upraised phones, you can see KDV's title float. Thanks, in part, to the Year Without A Winter we've been having, the crowd was quite bigly. That's great for losing yourself in the atmosphere. Kind of shitty for getting good photographs, though. I only got a few that are even marginally worth sharing.
I believe this"Audubondage Zoo" float is from Spermes
Mishigas' "AlienNation" presented us with Trump as Jabba the Hut.
One of my favorites was Mama Roux's French Revolution inspired theme. You can see up top the title was "Rouxling Crass"
A lot of the sub-krewes fixated on national politics. It's difficult to argue that they shouldn't do that, especially this year. I'll confess, though, that I had a similar reaction to Kevin Allman's take published here in Gambit the next day. Kevin notes that the Trump stuff took maybe a little too much attention away from the always plentiful and ripe assortment of local targets. Not that those were absent entirely. It's just that, in the words of Arthur Hardy, Mardi Gras is "a party the city throws for itself." One of the joys of seeing Krewe Du Vieux in the tourist-heavy French Quarter is knowing the majority of the gags are there for the benefit of the locals.
Again, this doesn't mean there wasn't plenty of local satire to be found. Almost every sub-krewe took its shots. Allman says this as well, by the way. It's a positive review. Most notable in this category was SPANK's send-up of Jazzfest.
This year SPANK took on a sacred cow — the New Orleans Jazz &
Heritage Festival — and reinterpreted it as "The N'awlins Cash &
Selling Out Our Heritage Festival," complete with koozie throws,
buttons, "Ass Passes" (a parody of Jazz Fest's "Brass Passes") and a
schedule of "cubes" that included "The Jindal Shell Game Experience,"
"The Quint Davis Ego Explosion" and "Mike Yenni and the New Orleans Boys
Choir." It was a welcome shot of sharp satire that transcended the
feel-good jokes about Trump's tiny hands or copulating animals.
SPANK always has the best throws.
You can't make out all of the acts listed on the "cubes" in my photo. If you click over to the Gambit article there is a better image. I wish they had fit Sean Payton and his bongos into the Jimmy Buffet column somehow. Also I like that all of the local acts are on the Lagniappe Stage and only play for 15 minutes.
Another thing to note about all the Trump takes is that they also give us a look at that fragmentation of the left phenomenon we talked about the other day. Are we protesting Trump for substantive reasons or superficial? Are we commenting because he is a threat to free speech, immigrant rights, labor standards, environmental protections, women's rights, etc.? Or do we just think he is gross? Or worse, do we waste our time blaming Wikileaks and/or "both sides" like this Krewe of Underwear float kinda does?
KDV's membership and audience is pretty solidly center-left. Yet even within that narrow spectrum, the shots that missed felt like they missed badly. That was where we most acutely felt this year's tension. It's going to get even sharper when the more right wing parades start to roll. Be ready for it.
Oh also Krewe Delusion! I don't think I've caught them in a few years. The good thing about sticking around for Krewe Delusion is the crowd thins out a bit and you can get some better photos.
I thought their decision to not have a monarch this year was pretty clever.
Also they were led by the Joseph S. Clark School Marching Band. You don't usually see that in the French Quarter parades.
I can't really say I remember too very much more about it, though, because, well.. I was pretty far gone by then. We did make it back to the Deurty Boys gallery afterward for very blurry post-parade activities.
I'm a little embarrassed at the intensity of the hangover I woke up with on Sunday. Clearly I don't have my sea legs yet. But there's plenty of time to train up. In any case, I'm not gonna feel bad about it now. By the way, I think that's how we're going to persevere through all the tension and anxiety this year. No, not by drinking more. Instead, our strategy for handling this Mardi Gras is just to take it as it comes. Don't try too hard. Don't over-plan. Expecting too much is the surest way to disappoint yourself. Just be in the moment, let it come to you, and it probably will.
Be mindful of the stressors, though. There are plenty out there. Most prominent among those at the moment is the ceaseless encroach of the dreaded Krewe of Chad. Gambit's dedicated reporting on the situation at the Orleans Avenue neutral ground got off to its earliest start ever this year. And the situation there continues to deteriorate. The ladders pictured at the top of this post are from St. Charles Avenue. I took that photo on Tuesday. The first parades, Oshun and Cleopatra, are Friday night.
"We are going out there and asking people to move their ladders,”
Landrieu said. “If the ladders are tied together causing a hazard, we
are going to move the ladders. They are not going to have their ladders
or their spot. That's a lot of punishment for Mardi Gras."
Although, having been through this drill a few times, we're pretty sure that's the only official reaction we'll see. The city's official notice about parade laws and norms also mentioned ladders and tents as usual. Mostly, though, they are focused on parking violations. That's where the real money is made.
Before, during and after the parades, the City will extend
enforcement efforts into the neighborhoods adjacent to the published
parade routes. This will minimize non-residential intrusion. Parking
officers will primarily enforce the following safety violations:
Blocking a fire hydrant ($40 fine)
Parking in a fire lane ($40 fine)
Parking within 15 feet of a fire hydrant on either side ($40 fine)
Parking within 20 feet of a crosswalk, intersection, or stop sign ($40 fine)
Parking on a sidewalk ($40 fine)
Parking on a traveled portion of the roadway ($40 fine)
Parking within 3 feet of a driveway on either side ($40 fine)
Parking on the neutral ground and subject to seizure ($75 fine)
Parking adjacent to the neutral ground ($40 fine)
Parking in freight/loading zone ($40 fine)
Parking in a handicapped zone without proper permit displayed ($500 fine)
Parking at an expired meter ($40 fine)
Parking in a Residential Permit Parking zone without a permit displayed ($40 fine)
Parking in the wrong direction (vehicles must park in the direction
of travel on one way streets, and with the right wheel to the curb on
two way streets) ($40 fine)
Vehicles that have unpaid parking tickets will be booted and/or towed.
I have also heard they're going to be looking for parked cars with expired brake tags although that didn't make it into the memo. Anyway, be careful out there.
Most of all try and stay cool and take it as it comes. If it starts to feel like "There Ain't No Place To Pee," know that relief is available. You just have to know where to look. Here is a map to all city provided facilities along the parade routes. Keep calm. The club is open.
If you get to the route and some Chads are all up in your face, just have a little patience. A parade crowd tends to mellow as the party goes on. Also it helps to know that full blown Chads are an extreme minority niche. Kind of like the Alt-Right. It may not always seem like it, but in fact, the nice people greatly outnumber them.
Finally, be on the lookout for surprise and surrealism both small and large. In the large category this week, we find this remarkable float from Carnival in Viarreggio.
I wonder if any of the folks there watched this go by and worried that the parade wasn't paying enough attention to local politics. Probably. But, of course, Carnival is a worldwide celebration and there is much to share. The Italians can take our President (Please!) and we can borrow their artists from time to time as well. This is from John Pope's 2010 obituary of long time float builder Raul Bertuccelli.
His papier-mache creations adorned the flamboyant floats of the Rex,
Bacchus, Endymion and Alla parades. He built the cornucopia for the
Boeuf Gras float in the Rex parade, as well as figures for the
Wonderwall and the daily Carnival parades during the 1984 world's fair.
He also made the massive Mr. Bingle figure that hovered during the
Christmas shopping season outside Maison Blanche's Canal Street store.
(The store has closed; its building has been converted to the
Ritz-Carlton New Orleans.)
Mr. Bertuccelli made some of his figures move. For the Rex parade,
float designer Henri Schindler said, Mr. Bertuccelli's creations
included a giant dragon, a lizard and a lion, all enormous and animated.
Even their eyes moved.
Mr. Bertuccelli had grown up building such mobile figures in
Viareggio, his hometown in the Italian region of Tuscany, where his
father and uncle making floats for the annual Carnevale celebration.
Happy Mardi Gras. Here comes every last disgusting, beautiful bit of it.
Happy Lombardi Gras, everybody! On this day way back in 2010, Garrett Hartley broke the Muses shoe. A few weeks later, at the height of the Saturnalia, the conquering general was given his triumph.
These were good times. We may not see their like again.
On the other hand, it is Carnival time again so the world has not been drained entirely of mirth... yet. I know it must be Carnival now because I find that I have purchased the Arthur Hardy Mardi Gras Guide yet again. You know the one. It's a big glossy magazine.
Only $5.00 this year. Print really must be dying after all. That's a shame... not only in general.. but because people really should read the Arthur Hardy guide. Every year its Q&A section features the first and most critical point one should learn about Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Because you probably don't have five bucks on you right now, I have gone ahead and digitized this content for you.
The city actually does spend quite a bit of money promoting and supporting Mardi Gras stuff, but you get the point here. Carnival is an organic celebration. Its forms, institutions and cultural vernacular all change with the times. It is influenced and pressured by political, cultural, and commercial interests. But, as long as people still actually live here (a tenuous prospect, I know) the event belongs to us. This is the basis from which any and all public policy regarding Carnival should begin. Sometimes we lose sight of that... or at least, our tourism obsessed political class does.
For example, they've already conspired to jam up the traditionally "local friendly" first weekend of parades with the corporate crap festival that comes with hosting the NBA All-Star Game.
They tell us everything should be fine but I don't think any of the "tourism leaders" the press talks to about this is very concerned with the typical local's Carnival experience. It will be something to keep an eye on next week.
According to the mayor's office, the St. Charles Avenue project is divided into six phases, beginning in January and scheduled for completion by spring 2018. Phase one is slated to wrap up just before Mardi Gras and "will not affect any Mardi Gras parade routes or viewing areas," an overview document on the project states.
The official word there is that rules governing the use of state funds for the project dictated that the work begin now and not after parade season a few weeks from now. OK, fine. They also say they'll have this first phase done once the parades start to roll. We'll see about that.
The SELA work on Napoleon Avenue appears to be wrapping up just under the gun. In fact, a ribbon cutting was scheduled for that this week (postponed due to the tornadoes.)
While landscaping, road striping and other aspects of the project have yet to be finished, traffic is back to flowing normally, cross streets that were blocked have been reopened and the neutral ground will be open for Mardi Gras parades.
As of today, there is still only one lane of traffic open in each direction, the traffic signal at Magazine Street is not yet installed, and there's a big trailer and heavy equipment sitting in the middle of the neutral ground at Laurel Street. Still, it does look like they'll have it ready to go on time. And the finished portion looks great.
Look at all that green space! Come and get it, Krewe Of Chad. Speaking of which, yeah, they've been at it all month.
Krewe of Endymion fans were busy over the weekend marking their territory for this year's roll (which still is almost three weeks away). The claiming of the turf began last week — a new early record — but
went into high gear this weekend, when spray paint was used to
delineate vast swaths of neutral ground grass on Orleans Avenue.
The Uptown Chad-ing can't really begin until Boh Brothers clears all the way out. We'll keep you posted on that. The crowding of the neutral ground by territorial squatters and ladders has been a longstanding hobby horse of ours. Our favored solution is not even on the radar of policymakers, unfortunately. We'll let Arthur Hardy have the last word on that.
The market for king cake vodka seems to have narrowed. The only brand I've spotted so far this year has been the bargain-level Taaka. Only $8.19 at Rouses.
The reviewing stands are going up at Gallier Hall. I thought about roping off the mayor's podium Krewe of Chad style when I was down there last week but the work crews were giving me the stinkeye.
The krewe flags are starting to come out Uptown. Here a few I've spotted recently.
Hermes
Thoth
Iris
Iris also has these banners up on St. Charles Avenue celebrating their (supposed) 100 year anniversary.
This is a technically dubious claim. According to.. again.. this year's Arthur Hardy guide, Iris' founding date isn't clear. Its first ball was held in 1922 but it didn't stage a parade for many years after that because its founding members, "felt that a ball only club was a 'prestige' club to belong to." This is what these Uptown Ladies are like, y'all.
In order to have their cake and eat it too, they created a second club called Venus during the 1940s which did stage a parade off and on until 1959 when they finally decided they were okay with just being Iris. So technically speaking, 2017 would be the 58th (maybe fewer.. I don't know when or if they've rained out) Iris parade even though the flags all celebrate 100 years.
But that won't happen for a few more weeks. This Saturday, is Krewe Du Vieux. I read all about it in the Fake News.
Reading between the lines to pick up on what our favorite sub-krewes have planned, it looks like Mama Roux is doing a French Revolution theme. Probably because they are Jacobin readers. And SPANK sounds like they are going after Jazzfest. Gambit has a preview here. If ever a year was ripe for raunchy political satire it is now. This should be a layup for KDV. But then... the election was supposed to be a layup for Hillary and look what happened.
In the meantime, we've got a few more days to get our supplies together. I usually kick off parade season by picking up a new pair of waterproof hiking boots and a poncho or two. I think I might be ready for a new bike as well. It's probably time to start restocking liquor too but we'll get to that. For now let's just get out and get this thing started. I can't think of a time I was more anxious to do so.
