Bandwidth

Monday night tens of people tuned in to CSPAN to see the Republican Presidential candidates play an exhibition warm-up forum prior to Thursday night's prime time debates. Fans were disappointed to learn that Donald Trump would not be there. But, because this was a pre-season game, it only makes sense that team GOP rested their starter in order to avoid injuries.

Much like an NFL exhibition, this event did not challenge any of the candidates with direct regular season competition as much as it provided a controlled environment for individual evaluation.  Hard core fans will probably want to watch the game film here. But keep in mind, this was also muck like an NFL exhibition in that it's very difficult to say what, if anything, of value was learned.

Each candidate was given about a minute or two on stage to answer what appeared to be pre-arranged questions suited to his or her favorite talking points. After all 14 participants had rotated in, they were called back for a second, very similar, round but with 30 seconds added for "closing statements."

This was a heavily scripted performance of each candidate's standard stump schtick.  But it's worth at least observing how well they pull that off on stage. So, there were a few notes worth scribbling down, or tweeting out, or whatever I did. Here are those.

Given that the substance is staged boilerplate, I guess the thing we're looking for first here is style points. Sadly, everyone was pretty bland. The only candidates who distinguished themselves did so in the negative sense.

For example, Lindsey Graham's description of his trade policy, "Clinched fist or open hand. You choose," sounded weird the first time he said it. By the third repetition it started to sound almost dirty. Rick Perry didn't forget any list items or anything. But he did squirm in his chair a lot and generally look goofy. Ben Carson seems half asleep when he speaks and holds his "Gifted Hands" awkwardly. Ted Cruz was tangibly creepy but that's nothing new.

The most disappointing presentation by far was from presumed contender Marco Rubio who just isn't very good at talking. Rubio, like the two other Senators who participated, was beamed in via satellite link but was the only one of the three who couldn't figure out that he needed to wait on the delay to avoid talking over the host.  He also stumbled over his own words a few times and looked very much like he needed a glass of water.. which is kind of a problem when people are specifically watching for that.
 
Almost all of the candidates wanted to talk about "border security." Rick Perry began by saying he once "looked the President in the eye" and told him that Texas would secure the border if the feds would not. And then, according to Perry, Texas went ahead and did that so I don't really know what he's complaining about now.

Other Republicans talked more effectively about "border security" in relation to the version of economic populism many of them will try to sell this year.  John Kasich, Rick Santorum, and Lindsey Graham all talked about the effects of immigration on wages in the US.  Although they also spoke in favor of "guestworker" programs which apparently don't hurt anybody. (oops!) It's interesting also that all of these "free traders" have spent their careers supporting agreements like NAFTA, and now the TPP and TTIP which demolish fair labor and environmental standards across international borders but have no shame in demagoguing against their deleterious effects.

But hypocrisy is a given on the campaign trail.  This is how Chris Christie can declare, "The war on drugs has been a failure" the same week that he also said this.

"If you’re getting high in Colorado today, enjoy it," Christie, a Republican presidential candidate, said during a town-hall event in the early voting state of New Hampshire, according to Bloomberg.

“As of January 2017, I will enforce the federal laws,” he added.

Christie, who has long opposed recreational marijuana and said early this month that he has never tried pot, has stated that unlike President Obama he would not selectively choose which federal laws to enforce.

It's also how  Ted Cruz can, with a straight face, rail against "career politicians in bed with special interests" while this is going on.

Senator Ted Cruz’s standing in many national polls may be middling, but Friday brought fresh evidence as to why he should not be underestimated: The Texas Republican is a magnet for big donors.

How big? Toby Neugebauer, an energy investor, donated $10 million to Keep the Promise II, a “super PAC” supporting Mr. Cruz.

The donation represents one of the largest amounts given by a single donor to a Super PAC so far this campaign cycle and demonstrates the potential influence that individuals can have upon a presidential election and with a senior lawmaker.

Mr. Neugebauer, the son of Representative Randy Neugebauer, Republican of Texas, is the co-founder of Quantum Energy Partners and has been an active investor in the oil and gas sectors, overseeing billions of dollars of assets.

There were other knee-slappers.

"Libertarian" Rand Paul seemed pretty adamant that the government has a right to summarily execute you as long as it says you are a "terrorist."

Scott Walker says it's important that climate change policy is "balanced" against the needs of industry which seems like a totally legitimate way to go about things given the circumstances.

George Pataki is also running for President.

Of course our friend Bobby Jindal was there too.  He comported himself pretty well, in fact. This was not a repeat of his infamous State of the Union response which I think we should all just stop talking about now.  Bobby has improved his presentation at least to a level where it is no longer laughable.

I'm less impressed with his improvement than Oyster seems to be, though. Jindal will always come off as a nerd and a phony.  But we've elected nerds before. (Think George H. W. Bush) And certainly we've elected phonies. (Think every President ever.) So there's no reason to dismiss Bobby Jindal's campaign based on style. One poor impression he made on TV six years ago does not mean he isn't to be taken seriously now.

The things he says are ridiculous too but no more ridiculous than any of his opponents' offerings listed above. Monday night Jindal coolly recited some of the pet phrases he's been honing during his many trips to Iowa and New Hampshire.

"I'm tired of talkers. We need doers."

"We need to get off of the path towards socialism."

"American Dream" vs. "European Nightmare"

You may have heard these before.  Have you heard this new one yet, though?

“We need a doer, not a talker,” he said in his valedictory. “We can’t afford four more years of on-the-job training.”

And, he assured the audience, he has the “bandwidth” and “backbone” to get the job done.

“We’ve had seven years of a great talker,” he said. “Let’s elect a doer.

“Let us believe in America again.”

What on Earth could that "bandwidth" thing possibly mean, we asked Twitter. Twitter responded, convincingly enough.

@champsuperstar @skooks it means he can handle a lot of things at once. It's common lame business jargon.

— Larry (@LarryLarmeu) August 4, 2015

In other words, Bobby is going for that "Geek Appeal" again. 

But as long as Bobby is talking about his "bandwidth" maybe one or two local Iowa or New Hampshire reporters would like to take it as an opening to ask him why he has so much while his state has so little. 

Louisiana was set to receive an $80 million federal grant to expand broadband access in North and Central Louisiana. I know, for an absolute fact that, behind the scenes, Mary Landrieu’s staff worked diligently to ensure Louisiana had an opportunity, and I’m not at all surprised that Senator Landrieu has been so vocal about this issue. You see, last week, the Commerce Department rescinded the grant because Louisiana couldn’t get its act together. More specifically, Governor Jindal and his administration couldn’t get their acts together

Of course it won't make much difference.  Bobby will simply say that, because the $80 million in broadband access for the poor was coming from the federal government and not a private cable operator, that he was really giving us "freedom" instead of bandwidth and isn't that better anyway.  It won't hurt Bobby with Republicans to have to say that.

In fact, it will be right in step with Scott Walker's claim that "freedom" is better than a union job with full benefits or George Pataki's claim that "patient empowerment" is better than actual health care. This is the meat they're all serving this year. These are the lies you tell if you want to be the Republican nominee And Jindal tells them every bit as well as or better than the rest of them.   

It is the official position of the State of Louisiana that Rand Paul is a weenie

Bobby Jindal already has his own "exploratory committee" website as well as a Twitter account and, of course, semi-regular columns at Politico and Time. Not sure why he's gotta run his little attack blurbs on the official page of the Office of the Governor but whatever.

Happy Aqua Buddha Day

The world is celebrating Rand Paul's debutante ball today.

The libertarian-minded Kentucky senator announced Tuesday on his website that he'll seek the Republican nomination for the White House in 2016.

"I am running for president to return our country to the principles of liberty and limited government," he said.

"Libetarian-minded," is a pretty good term.  Maybe libertarian-scented is better.  Libertarianism isn't so much a political movement or ideology as it is a bluff.  No actual libertarians exist in nature. Or, if they do, we can't see them. They're completely off the grid roaming the hills somewhere making their own clothes and soap and electricity and stuff. 

Rand Paul wants to wear the libertarian brand. It is a shorthand way of marking regular assholes as assholes with principles.

Except Presidential candidates don't actually have principles.

WASHINGTON — Rolling out his long-awaited presidential campaign on Tuesday, Rand Paul billed himself as "a different kind of Republican" who would defeat the "Washington machine."

"That's not who I am," he declared in Louisville, to cheers from an adoring crowd. "Both parties and the entire political system are to blame."

But how different is he from the traditional Republican politician?

As he highlighted in a video message before his remarks, the libertarian-minded Kentucky senator has indeed been consistent in bucking his party on several issues, such as opposing NSA spying on Americans, relaxing punishments for non-violent drug offenses and standing against the prospect of drone strikes against U.S. citizens on American soil.

But on other issues atop the minds of core Republican primary voters, Paul has strayed — some in rhetoric, some on policy as well — from his previous libertarian-minded positions that had set him apart from the pack.

The rest of that article enumerates Paul's several flip-flops away from "libertarian-mindedness" during the course of gearing up to become a candidate for President.  When you're done reading that, you can stop by his campaign's online store and purchase a pair of official Rand Paul flip-flops. 

Tuesday Link Dump

• Audit finds widespread accounting problems at nonprofit linked to Jefferson Parish councilman
  
  Dambala suggests that Lee, a close ally of Congressman-elect Cedric Richmond, was planning to go to Washington with him.



• Pat attends and takes detailed notes on James Carville's Bipartisan Policy Center's post-election conference at Tulane.
  
  When I saw this event announced, I'll admit I was less than enthusiastic about being invited to listen to Carville-Matlin along with the likes of Tony Blankley, Paul Begala and "some of America's top political journalists and and analysts" (no relation to the "world's most visionary intellects" but I can see how one might make that mistake) fart out of their mouths about "bipartisanship" all day long. Neither the twittering from attendees nor Pat's note taking has done much to change my mind. If I have to sit within earshot of a plutocratic tool like Dan Glickman lamenting the lack of "civic literacy" among the rabble, or a repulsive toad like Dan Bartlett complaining that Rahm fucking Emmanuel's problem is that he is too liberal, then they damn sure better let me bring my durian catapult in with me. Otherwise I'll wait for the DVD to come out so I can give my cat a new scratching toy for Christmas.
  
  Nevertheless, it is worth noting what these gasbags are blowing at us since it will doubtlessly crystallize into the next broken rhetoric trap impeding progress until the whole thing starts over again with the next election cycle. Please take the time to look at Pat's write-up. As with everything he presents, it is patiently and thoughtfully written. I have a few bones to pick with it but I'm saving those for a much longer post about the re-emergence of the do-nothing mushy pseudo-left which we're going to watch get bulldozed by the incoming Republican congress these next few years.
  
  One observation Pat calls special attention to is the puzzling "deference to the Tea Party" exhibited by the assembled mainstream pundits. Here, Pat describes the Tea Party pretty well.

  I wish we had an actual movement in this nation expressing libertarian, foundational views of this republic; I’ve long held that I may not agree with Ron Paul or Paul Ryan on the issues, but they are legitimately held positions that represent a legitimate understanding of history and economics, and represent a competing vision for this country’s future. I think there are some individuals who consider themselves “Tea Partiers” who believe that they are doing something similar.
  
  The Tea Party I have seen is not that, however. In their own words, it has morphed into a Christianist, xenophobic and intolerant movement that supports high spending, government violation of civil liberties, religious oppression, endless war (Iran is next!), subsidization of the uberwealthy and unilateral foreign policy. Once they have enunciated those positions, they turn around and posses the historical amnesia to dismiss hard-fought American social advancements, and ascribe tyrant status to President Obama and Democratic members of Congress for “controlling every aspect of our lives” in ways that the government has done for decades, if not centuries. These aren’t new arguments, by the way.

  No they aren't new arguments. And more importantly, the "Tea Party" isn't a new "party" or movement or anything new at all really. It is, as Pat also points out, merely the latest marketing strategy for the same right wing agenda that has dominated our politics for most of my increasingly long lifetime. It's a marketing strategy aimed at misdirecting legitimate working class discontent so that it ultimately furthers the plutocratic interests. I know. You're bored with hearing that. I am too. But as long as we've got one party willing to lie and pander to an increasingly impoverished population while the other sneers and condescends at it, this is what we're stuck with; a bi-partisan, cynical hostility of the ruling classes toward the rest of us.
  
  Unsurprisingly, Clancy DuBos attended the same conference where his big takeaway was, "Most important of all, Independents believe both parties should move more to the center." But both parties are already at "the center." They aren't exactly the same party but they do both agree to serve slightly varied schisms of the money power at the expense of the rest of us. As long as mainstream punditry misrepresents the less meaningful distinctions between the parties as "uncivil partisanship" this will remain the case.
  



• Along those same lines regarding tea party phoniness and civil discourse see this Drake Toulouse post.

  On the Sunday morning talk shows, Rand Paul, Kentucky’s newest senator criticized Barack Obama for being too harsh with British Petroleum. “I didn’t think the president or his people should say something like putting the boot heel on the throat of a business. I didn’t like that,” Paul said Sunday on CBS’s “Face the Nation. His main point of contention appears to be that Obama set the wrong tone, engaged in creating an atmosphere that is unfriendly to business.
  
  Ya, I get it, boot heels and throats are a rather unfriendly way of speaking to an oil company, however considering that this oil spill occurred almost seven months ago, and yet no charges have been brought against anyone, I would say that BP, Halliburton and Transocean, yet again, are getting off light for, yet another, accident.

  But at least we'll have a more civil tone, which is the important thing.
  



• The Lens reminds us that this is "Transit Week"

  Our transit advocacy organization, Transport for NOLA, is promoting New Orleans’ first Transit Week, starting today. Try taking transit to work or recreation at least once during this week. Visit our website at www.transportfornola.org/transitweek for schedules, maps, and information on how to take transit. Let us know how it went and how it can be better.




• Arianna Huffington steals rather than creates something. And this is somehow news.



• Hornets lose. Now Monty Williams doesn't have to worry about deciding between resting his starters and preserving a perfect season anymore.



• Sarah Palin is un-refudiated by OED as her coinage is named the word of the year.



• And on that note, To Moscow, You Betcha! runs for two showings tomorrow night (7PM and 9PM) at John Paul's (940 Elysian Fields) and again on Sunday night at 7PM. Good times.

Aqua Budha

You know if you change just one or two circumstantial details, these stories about Rand Paul's fraternity days aren't all that different from things we've read recently about the youthful activities of some of our other favorite prominent politicians.

For example, compare this kidnapping episode Paul participated in.

"He and Randy came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They'd been smoking pot." After the woman refused to smoke with them, Paul and his friend put her back in their car and drove to the countryside outside of Waco, where they stopped near a creek. "They told me their god was 'Aqua Buddha' and that I needed to bow down and worship him," the woman recalls. "They blindfolded me and made me bow down to 'Aqua Buddha' in the creek.

With Bobby Jindal's own account of his exorcism.

The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.

Sure one of these stories involves forcing a supernatural entity of sorts into a person's body while the other is about pulling one out. But in each case a group of very weird cultish college students are detaining and forcing their will upon a woman against her protestations.

Ambitious young men certainly can get themselves into some unusual mischief before they grow up to become our very important civic betters. At least the Paul story doesn't involve any goats (that we know of) but there is plenty of the same mean racial stereotype based humor we've seen in other places and which seems to be a required rite of passage for young men of a certain social cache.