The advantage of keeping a blog

Now I can definitively answer the question, when was the last time I managed to clear all the crap off of my desk?

Answer: December 2, 2003.

There they go again

Once again the Gambit's stupid yuppie readership provides us with the latest version of exactly how not to enjoy New Orleans. Bruno's, the Tulane frat bar, gets named Best Neighborhood Bar? And Best Happy Hour is at Cat's Meow? That's right Cat's Meow, the tourist karaoke bar on Bourbon Street. Oh but it gets better. Apparently the best place to play pool is in Harahan. Best Rock Band? Cowboy Mouth. Fuck you, Gambit readers. No really, fuck you very fucking much.

Note: Blogger spell check does not recognize the common English word fuck or any of its derivatives.

Stop her before she kills again

Daisy, who once said the following to me, "The other night I got really drunk and went to the library's web site and requested a bunch of books," has just e-mailed me with this request, "Dude, can I request some books to your library card? If so, what's the number and the PIN? I maxed mine out." Daisy is pretty cool.

Poll Watching

On the eve of the RNC in NYC tens of thousands of people are taking to the streets prompting me to wonder why I spent my vacation in Destin this year. But then again, those backward New Yorkers probably wouldn't let me carry my beer in the street so, as usual, I'm better off at home.

Meanwhile, Rasmussen has Bush ahead in the electoral vote count for the first time. On the other hand, Zogby has Kerry ahead nationwide by a margin of 50.8 percent to 46.7. But then why am I telling you all this when you can just go read Political Wire?

While you're there, check out this post which highlights Bush's unorthodox reelection strategy of playing only to his hard right base. Guess what? It's working and it's working because the Democrats refuse to run a campaign of any substance. Kerry should be talking every day about things that matter to the people who don't vote because they have been ignored for so long; a living wage, national health care, an end to imperial foreign policy. Give people something to get excited about for God's sake. If things continue as they are, this election will loaf along to November well within stealing range and then we'll have yet another mess on our hands.

One more thing. A local opinion research outfit whose name I neglected to note, is currently conducting a telephone poll wherein subjects are asked a series of questions about the upcoming September 18 elections, about the mayor's job performance, the Saints stadium/convention center expansion project, and about the subject's opinion on the proposed hate amendment. I'm not sure how accurate this survey is going to be since they called me twice in three days. Yes I voted twice. I am, after all, a true Louisianan.

New Official Lib Chron Contest

Who will be the first bobble-headed, trend conscious, lemming girl to say these words to me, "I don't smoke except when I'm hanging out at the hookah bar"?
I promise an update when we have a winner.

Slumlord Update

Things, as usual, are not well here in our shanty on the wrong side of the streetcar tracks. On Friday, I logged a complaint with my slumlord's voicemail about the following issues:

1) The rot in the front door frame has nearly progressed to such a stage that locking the door is becomming less and less a tangible reality. Sure, we can still turn the deadbolt and do so out of adherence to ritual, but I imagine it wouldn't take more than a halfhearted shove from a mildly anemic four year old girl to free it from its moorings. This is not exactly an ideal situation in our neighborhood. Yes, the crackheads are friendly but, as they say, tall fences make good neighbors.. or in this case just a door... that you can close.

2) The a/c isn't really cooling the appartment very well, or at all really. This is a real problem because, well, do I really have to explain the summer here in the tropics? No I don't. Good because just thinking about it puts me in a bad mood. We still let the air run, but only so as not to cheat Entergy out of their hard earned monthly payment. We have given up on setting the thermostat below 80, mostly because of the ugly way it laughs at us whenever we do so, but also I get tired of the sound of money burning for no purpose.

3) Those ceiling tiles in the kitchen are, once again, beginning to bow ominously. Last time the ceiling collapsed, the slumlord had the tiles replaced, and explained the leakage thusly, "The people above you must not be using their shower curtain." The kitchen has flooded three times in four years and this is as far as he is willing to go in pursuit of this matter. It gets old.

So today, the slumlord's surly lackey was dispatched to investigate our air conditioning. His conclusion: "Well, I see you have it set to 80. When you do that, the air in the room won't get any cooler than 80." I tried to explain to him that it was set that way because the lower settings do nothing other than increase my electric bill, but he held fast to his position. Finally I allowed him to leave before we actually came to blows over the issue. He set the thermostat to 72 and said, "You'll see, just let it run." This was three hours ago. It is still damn hot in here. Consuela wants to start witholding the rent until these problems are fixed, but I am pretty sure that the goodly management would rather evict tennants than actually fix the appartment. I hate moving but am quickly losing patience.

You have to love Joe Horn

He's not exactly humble, but he's also not the prima donna ala Terrell Owens or Randy Moss that he is sometimes painted as. He talks a lot, but as a player, he is an unselfish leader who plays hurt. Here he is being interviewed by Brian Allee-Walsh in today's Times-Pic, an article I am linking to mainly because it contains the following revelation:

The Super Bowl falls on the Sunday before Fat Tuesday in February. What would this city be like if you guys were in the Big Dance?

The fans would tear this place down. Every city loves a winner. When the Saints go to the playoffs that's like a whole resurrection for the city. I hear people talking about it all the time. It'd be amazing.

Indeed this is true. We have an early (and therefore probably cold) Mardi Gras in 2005, February 8. The Super Bowl is February 6. Could this be a favorable portent? Stay tuned.

Keeping those damn Westbankers in their place

Unfortunately the Challmatians continue to run wild but we'll get them too eventually. Now, thanks to science, you can watch yesterday's incident in which an errant oil tanker put the Algiers ferry landing out of commission in amazing grainy grey time lapse video. What an age we live in!

Calm down, nobody was hurt.

Kerry New Orleans headquarters

Is now open at 3300 Canal St. Stop in and pick up a few bumper stickers so you can show your support for the weakest presidential candidate since Mike Dukakis. Whatever happened to all that "bring it on" crap we heard during the primaries? The Swift Boat ads gave Kerry an excellent opportunity to go after the Chickenhawk administration and he passed it up. And how dare any Democratic candidate not oppose the war in Iraq? I hate to say I told you so but I spent the primary season arguing for any candidate other than this corpse. I hope everyone is ready for four more years of facism. That's what you get when you are afraid to stand for anything. Man am I pissed today.

Take me on a blatant doom trip

Hell, yeah I'd love to go to Chicago on New Year's Eve to witness the final performance of the greatest spectacle in the history of rock. All the more so since the Electrifying Conclusion Tour is sadly skipping New Orleans. But I just couldn't bring myself to spam everyone I know in order to win a trip. Um, except Daisy and Rudolph. Sorry, guys, it was just too fun to pass up. On the other hand, I would like to take this opportunity to encourage everyone to sign the GBV Day petition. Just click on Bob to sign.

All will sit around you
Awfully glad we found you
When you get hooked you
Will be so glad we took you
To the carnival at the morningstar school

Currently Playing:
What else? I'm not ready to issue a verdict yet. Here's what Philly.com thinks.

Allergic to words

Patron statement of the morning"I need some of those talking books because I have a... I'm allergic to that print that they use."

Is this actually possible?

Busy busy busy

Sprucing up the liberry for tonight's gigantimongous NASA reception. I've even been so trite as to create a solar system mobile out of Styrofoam balls which takes a lot longer than it seems. Anyway the point is there won't be much posting today. I'm sure you'll be ok.

Oh whatever

This Times reporter is typically humorless and superior about this, which comes as no surprise really. But I think this is going to be pretty damn funny.

TREY PARKER and Matt Stone have had it up to here: with self-righteous movie stars, stupid political leaders, that idiot Michael Moore — and most of all, with the new movie they are making that mercilessly lampoons all of the above.

link

This is a little bitchy

Especially for someone who hasn't had even one official carry as a pro.

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. -- Running back Willis McGahee has asked the Buffalo Bills to trade him if he is not their starter on opening day, a source told The Associated Press on Friday.

link

Birthday Epilogue

So the birthday was a success. I even managed to suck it up and participate in the evening festivities and had a great time. I've heard a lot of negative talk locally about the Emeril's restaurants (overrated, overpriced) but it turns out that NOLA was nothing short of excellent. I ordered the following items(copying directly from the menu):

Almond-Crusted Plaquemines Parish Oysters with Melting Brie, Bacon-Brown Sugar Tomato Glaze and Rosemary-Fennel Apple Slaw

The sweet smoky taste of the glaze is what really made this go. This was followed by

Pecan-Crusted Gulf Flounder with Creole Meunière Sauce, Caramelized Ruby Grapefruit, Sautéed Asparagus and Tarragon Aioli

Staying with the nut-crusted seafood theme, I suppose. Also sweet and spicy and pretty much perfect.

Afterwards we went to Club 360, which is not exactly my style of bar; more the sort of thing that girls like to do in order to make themselves feel classy or something, but then it wasn't my birthday and I have fun everywhere (usually) so this was certainly no big deal. The drinks cost $6.50, the music is top 40 dance stuff, but the view is really cool. Like a lot of things, it's worth doing once.

All in all a successful way to celebrate. Even the inevitable short exchange between myself and Shehateme was mild and more fun than anything else and, most importantly, did not interfere with Consuela's birthday. And now the girls have taken off to Florida for the weekend which means I have the place to myself. No word yet on when the strippers arrive.

Update: No strippers, but now at least I have something to do.

Ariba!

Today is Consuela's birthday. In honor of this Mexican national day of celebration, I have weasled my way out of work so that we may spend most of the day enjoying the festivities in the streets. I'll try and check back in later during the grown-ups' celebration which I am sadly not allowed to attend.

Exquisite Corpse

Tonight, we here at Lib Chron are quite pleased to present you with a short experiment made possible by the new Blogger "Navbar." While we are happy to find that the google ads, which always made us a bit uncomfortable, have been discontinued, we are a bit dismayed to find that our recently added "search this site" function has been rendered unnecessary. Though by this point one would expect that we would not be so surprised to learn that yet another of our endeavors has been so easily proven redundant and pointless.

And so, having been thusly put in our place, we have nonetheless resolved that for the remainder of this post we shall pluralize ourselves in order that we may convey an air of sophistication. Or at least numerousness if indeed that does turn out to be a word. Oh and also there's this thing. Using Navbar's "next blog" button we have copied and pasted one phrase from the most recent post on each of a succession of "next blogs" and combined those phrases into a completely new post, a metapost, which we now submit for your enjoyment.

Several of you have noticed that I fell off the face of the blogging world as soon as I started working, so I think it's time for an update, even though by now I've probably spoken with most of you over the phone and filled you in already. On Sunday, at a red light on Tryon and Cary Parkway, the passenger door of a VW Bug next to us opened and a man got out. Gaming is a time for complete relaxation and fun for us. There is enough competitiveness in our everyday lives. ja que é muito cedo pra estudar qualquer coisa ou fazer algum estagio vou ficar em casa jogando vidiogame. well friday mornin, my dad and i r golfin w/ eric and his pops, so im lookin 4ward 2 taht. I am very glad that you will see me during my visit in September. That is wonderful news and has allowed me to relax a little bit today. Here is the recipe for anyone who would like to try it: When we do what God tells us is right, and we do it for the right reasons, it will make amazing changes in our lives and in the lives of people around us. Try it some time and you'll see what I mean.

We would like to thank the publishers of the following URLs for unwittingly allowing themselves to be used in such a base fashion. Your contribution has been duly noted. Expect your check next Friday.

http://bloglogjournal.blogspot.com/
http://mellifluousmel.blogspot.com/
http://diescarpti.blogspot.com/
http://mariovdl.blogspot.com/
http://falemaissobreisso.blogspot.com/
http://tay-losplanet.blogspot.com/
http://sweet-theresa.blogspot.com/
http://thefooddiaries.blogspot.com/

Note: In a development that should surprise no one, it turns out that the spellcheck function which was designed by a company named Blogger to check the spelling of blog posts yet does not recognize the word "blog" similarly rejects the word "navbar" which, though we grant is less of an actual word than is "blog", we feel it necessary to point out was also created for use by this same company.

Another Knee Slapper

This time from professional nutball, Alan Keyes.

Why does ALA hate America?

Bunch of damn subversives.

link via LIS News

The Public

Is particularly obnoxious today, not in any amusing fashion worth detailing here, just plain rudeness. I mean, who do they think they are, Pat Swilling?

Currently Wielding: A homemade Martian flag, just in case I need to claim any planets.

The State of Censorship

In New York

In New Orleans

Viva Chavez

International observers in Venezuela have confirmed President Hugo Chavez's victory in a referendum on whether he should be removed from office.

link

Exploring Strange New Worlds

"What's that?" I blurted violently as I tugged Daisy toward the big glass box wherein was housed a rack of hanging meat. "Oh, it's a duck." Short pause, and then "Oh and it has a face." It was also unnaturally red. And naked. And probably delicious but undoubtedly staring right at me causing me to turn away as abruptly as I had rushed upon it. It had already been a difficult morning, and gawking at the Peking duck box at the Asian market seemed as good a way as any to cauterize the psychic wounds brought on by our trying task of distributing promotional materials to the various local middle and elementary schools regarding the library's upcoming space-themed exhibit. We had allowed for a little embarrassment at the fact of the brochures we were carrying which were so error filled as to necessitate the printing of an entire second brochure of corrections, a supplement brochure, to be attatched to the original. We were unable, however, to steel ourselves against the distressing experience of encountering the glazed eyes of one upon another slovenly apathetic school administrator to whom we had cheerfully presented a free educational enrichment opportunity for the school's students to which the school itself was required to contribute absolutely nothing. Are the schools in this town truly in the charge of so many disengaged, misanthropic Kurtz's? (Daisy, I just pluralized the word Kurtz with an apostrophe + s. This is doubtlessly incorrect, but I simply see no other way.) Well, yes, many of them are. This Spring, while on a similar promotional mission for Summer Reading Club, we encountered one principal who all but told us outright that his students were too slow to do much reading. That's right, THE PRINCIPAL DOES NOT HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THE STUDENTS' ABILITY TO LEARN TO READ. This does not mean that every school we visited left us with this kind of impression. More than a few of the folks we talked to today were, in fact, very pleasant. Unfortunately, the alarmingly high incidence of principals and secretaries to principals whose countenance screamed "We could not care less about what we are doing here" was quite enough to propel us duckward. Earlier, I had attempted to channel my negative feelings by turning the names of the schools into short, impromptu funk songs while Daisy made a stab at exorcising her demons by spilling a Diet Coca-Cola on her own head (don't ask). But I think it was the sight of the shiny red ducks at the gallows that finally snapped us out of our stupor. Currently I am at home convalescing and anticipating yet another round of this touring tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.

Today's patron interactions:

• "You could tell me if these are information books?" So asks a lady whose daughter is checking out three easy picture books such as Make Way For Ducklings. (Strange duck theme today.) When asked to clarify "information books" she said, "She got.. uh.. that packet from school that says she got to have some information books."



• "Do your computers have any pictures up in them that I could copy out?"
  What kind of pictures are you looking for?
  "Of space. And, you know, a spaceman."



• "I need to use the internet. I want to find out about adding to your house. Do you know what internet that would be under?"

Picayunes

Here is a quick rundown of today's notable Times-Pic offerings.

• In a clarification of yesterday's report which appeared to indicate that the New Orleans Public Schools were short 150 teachers a week before classes begin, the school system is now saying that those vacancies will be filled from a pool of recently hired teachers who have not yet been assigned posts.



• A century and a half later, the local labor market is still more or less in the hands of the plantation owners. Of course, nowadays they call themselves the "hospitality industry" but as Terrell Owens might say, if it looks like a rat and smells like rat.. then, well, you figure it out. Yesterday, an effort to unionize New Orleans Tours Inc. failed prompting the paper to make the following earth shattering observation: "Unions are typically a concern in the tourism industry because they raise labor costs."



• Finally, Chris Rose closes the book on yet another failed attempt to bring the quintessential New Orleans novel, A Confederacy of Dunces to film. This, of course, is probably a good thing... or as Rose puts it

  And let's face it: We'd probably hate it no matter who stars in it and who directs it because we all have our own vision of protagonist Ignatius J. Reilly -- you know, that guy who collects tin cans in your neighborhood and still lives with his mom; the cab driver with four unpublished novels in his trunk; your girlfriend's nephew who sits in a windowless room and blogs all day, etc. -- and anything short of that vision is . . . unacceptable.

And this is why I hate pre-season football

This is an article about how well the Saints' defensive line played in last night's win over the Jets. Meanwhile, this is an article published in the same paper on the same day about how poorly the Saints' defensive line played in that very same game. Sheesh!

Side note: I was not in attendance at this particular contest.

Alright whatever

So I'm only posting this for the following reasons:

1) Matt did it already
2)It has been a long time since I posted a quiz
3) I once saw an X-men movie with Nurse Shehateme whose car is parked outside right now which means that she is hanging out with Consuela and not talking to me which, of course, I can totally understand and all.

Otherwise, I have no idea what any of this means. Call me a weirdo, if you must, but I never did get comic books.


You are Jubilee!

Though you may be young and inexperienced, you have
great potential and will someday become an
admirable figure. For that to happen, though,
you must overcome your juvenile belief system
and adopt a more mature view on life.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Not Sticking Around

The weather in New Orleans today is stunning. This morning, I had to check around to make sure I hadn't slept for three months and skipped straight on into autumn. Not that that isn't a bad idea around here. In fact, this small taste of heaven promises to make the remainder of the summer all that more unbearable once things return to normal. Needless to say, I don't plan to be indoors much today. I don't work on Friday and I figure to spend much of the afternoon the same way I did this morning poking around town on the bicycle. In the meantime, here's the news.

• Chavez is confident going in to this Sunday's recall election. If he can hang on, it will mean a great thumbing of the nose to Bush et al who according to this Greg Palast piece are spending your anti-terrorism dollars to spy on their political enemies in Latin America.



• The New Orleans Public Schools (motto: Preparing today's youth for tomorrow's prison system) seem to be operating at par one week out from opening day.

  Only a week before students return to campuses, New Orleans public schools still need about 150 certified teachers, and at least 35 public schools still need intensive cleaning before they are fit for students, according to a report on school readiness presented to the Orleans Parish School Board on Thursday.



• Tonight begins yet another year of nerve wracking, absurdly unnecessary, please don't anybody get hurt, pre-season Saints football. The Saints are quite sensibly holding literacy advocate Aaron Brooks out of tonight's lineup in order to rest his strained quadriceps.



• Good luck, Florida. We certainly know what that feels like around here.



• Julia Child is dead at 91. I suddenly have a taste for Coq au vin.

And with that, I'm back out to enjoy the unreality of the weather. Y'all have a good one.

Apologies once more

Having just arrived at home after safely conducting my vehicle along the route between the bar and my residence, I just have to let everyone know that even I, being one who is quite aware of and ashamed of and penitent about his many many transgressions against good sense and his fellow persons in general and specific persons in particular, even I would not be so remorseful as to turn myself in to the police for driving drunk. Is there a law against blogging drunk because by God there ought to be (whoah how do I punctuate that sentence?)

Speaking as the chew toy that I am

I'd say it's high time that somebody bought Susie a polar bear.

Sorry about this, folks

I'm trying to get the hang of using this Hello crap. The unremarkable subject matter of the photo is, well, me engaged in some sort of frivolity with the photographer while Daisy uncharacteristically hammers away at what appears to be actual work in the background.

Are Dems getting overconfident?

Probably. The close race is still very close. So stay on the ball. And for Christsakes try to keep your foot out of your mouth.

Prozac

Figures

WASHINGTON - A campaign worker for President Bush said Thursday American workers unhappy with low-quality jobs should find new ones — or pop a Prozac to make themselves feel better.

Update: It gets worse. Conspiracy theorists, start your engines. Update brought to you by BFOP.

We're all gonna die Vol. 3

Here comes Bonnie. Remember, folks. The storm is not as bad as long as we stay on the west side.

More creepy RFID news

The freedom loving Mexican attorney genreral has begun injecting them into employees' bloodstreams.

All about the numbers

I'd like to dedicate this, my 500th Blogger post, to Greg Maddux who goes for his 300th career win today.

Wow

August 6 is Hiroshima day. Here is a chilling Guardian interview between Studs Terkel and Paul Tibbets who piloted the Enola Gay. Tibbets has this to say about the possibility of using nuclear weapons against terrorists today.

PT: Oh, I wouldn't hesitate if I had the choice. I'd wipe 'em out. You're gonna kill innocent people at the same time, but we've never fought a damn war anywhere in the world where they didn't kill innocent people. If the newspapers would just cut out the shit: "You've killed so many civilians." That's their tough luck for being there.

link via Cursor

Shamelessly stealing someone else's bit dept.

Yup, in honor of the Timshel time killing game of the week, and also in honor of the latest Bushism (see previous post) it's the time killing quiz of the week: Guardian's third installment of Know Your Bushisms. Enjoy.

In case you missed it

Here is today's Bushism

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

The freaks need to get a new act

This morning the staff were treated to a sadly uninspired performance of athleticism and oratory by a local woman of questionable residential status. The featured artist's costume could be considered standard for the genre and therefore largely unremarkable. She was a rather thin woman, probably in her early fifties, with graying brown hair which she wore in the obligatory pony tail. Her ensemble featured black biker shorts and a small green tank top which accented her pot bellied midsection. Her bare midriff was encircled by a belt and fanny pack piece which I imagine contained those usual small items one brings along on the generic errand; spare change, ID, library card. Had she need of any of the remainder of her belongings, they were themselves quite within reach contained first within a large plastic bin and then spilling over into a series of shopping bags all of which she carried with her into the library. Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses creating an element of mystery. The performance itself featured a series of somersaults across the floor of the reading room followed by a verbal engagement with, ostensibly Mrs. Bling Bling, but actually meant for any and all within earshot. While I can find little fault with the technical execution of her act, I would have liked to have seen a little more imagination incorporated. The somersault is the most amateurish of the acrobatic maneuvers. The physical portion of the recital may have been enhanced by a few more graceful movements. Certainly I don't expect the random crazy lady to go en pointe, but seeing as how even I managed to hammer out a few cartwheels during the recent summer reading party, it is safe to say that the bar is raised at least that high. As for the oral portion, she does receive points for projection and enunciation. Her voice sounded clearly and powerfully throughout the library demanding the attention of all present. That attention could have been maintained had the speech itself featured a more original and engaging content than the usual rant about an antagonistic landlord and a vague but strongly asserted aspiration to initiate legal proceedings against the CIA. The happening ended anti-climactically when the performer was quietly escorted from the premises by two of New Orleans' finest who were themselves visibly bored by the situation as well. Perhaps I have been spoiled by years of observing Bourbon street at 4 AM, or maybe I'm just a little worn out on the whole whimsical eccentricity tinged with ill defined chemically dependent anger thing but whatever the reason I just demand something more from my raving lunatics these days. Happily, as I write this post, the police are on their way back to the library to question a man sleeping in the park adjacent us and whom we suspect of serial vandalizations of and unauthorized entry to library property during off hours. Should anything interesting come of this, I will be pleasantly surprised.

The price of moving around

Goes up and up and up. If it gets much worse, we'll all be wobbling about on Segways for the rest of our lives. Side note: It's fun how quickly this revolution in transportation has sunk to the level of niche tourist attraction. Perhaps the reasons for this are best expressed here.

Third grade level irony recognition department

The title of the piece is Liberty Enlightening the World

Since shortly after September 11, visitors to Liberty and Ellis islands have been passing through airport-type security checks before boarding ferries at lower Manhattan's Battery Park. There are more checks at the statue.

The latter include a device that blows air through clothing and tests for evidence of explosive particles. The State of Liberty is among the first sites with the technology

link

Ha ha what a sissy

This is perfect. I would say that it is particularly appropriate that this photo also features Jeff Garcia but you might take that the wrong way.

Oh good Christ!

You'd think we would all be used to this by now.

WASHINGTON -- U.S. officials say the detailed surveillance photos and documents that prompted higher terror warnings dated from as far back as 2000 and 2001, and Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said Tuesday the government concluded "it was essential" to publicize it and raise the terror alert.

link ...not that you need one as this story is everywhere today.

Daisy is dog blogging

Here is Daisy's vicious (viscous?) beast doing her damndest to remove a digit or two from an innocent library employee. Today, Susie is three or four times that size and nearly certain to achieve such a dismemberment before she is through.

Man I hope this works

Speaking as a Red Sox fan, man I am gonna miss Nomar. Twins 4 Red Sox 3

But then, as a Cubs fan, hey we got Nomar... and pretty much for nothing. Now get to work, you're 10 games behind! Cubs 6 Phillies 3