Sunday, July 10, 2016

Movie pitch

Prologue: You think you know a story...
For eight years, Kenneth Landrieu wore the six-pointed brass star of the Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Office and carried a laminated “reserve” deputy card signed by Sheriff Marlin Gusman.

Whether the honorary designation gave Landrieu the power to chase down a driver, whip out a gun and threaten a man with arrest will be for an Orleans Parish jury to decide in a trial slated to start Tuesday before Criminal District Court Judge Laurie White.

Landrieu’s attorney claims his client was well within the law when he pursued the driver and announced he was a law enforcement officer following a near-collision on Magazine Street last September.

According to police, Landrieu pulled in front of the other vehicle in the Lower Garden District, hopped out of his baby blue 2004 Cadillac DeVille and pointed his gun at the driver, cursing and threatening to arrest him.
Okay so here's the scene. Times are tough in the city of New Orleans. The camera pans over monuments cracked and crumbling under the shame of their own hypocrisy. Smoke from a nearby marsh fire wafts into view. A sinkhole of dread lurks beneath every street. Resilience is running thin.   

In a desperate attempt to restore hope... not to mention his own relevance.. Ceremonial Sheriff Marlin Gusman laminates some badges in order to commission a elite force of freedom fighters. The fake credentials issued by the fake sheriff combine to equal actual legitimacy due to the power of the double negative.  They are called the Faux-Po Five.
Recent Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Office records list Landrieu among 49 people granted “honorary special reserves” status by Gusman, though it’s unclear just what, if any, special powers it confers.

Among others on the list are former New Orleans City Councilman Jay Batt, singer Irma Thomas, jazz trumpeter Irvin Mayfield and frequent political candidate Gary Landrieu, who is Kenneth Landrieu’s brother.
Irma, Batt, Mayfield and the lesser Landrieus set about the work bringing scofflaws throughout the city to justice. Sewerage and Water Board Director Cedric Grant builds and furnishes a secret headquarters for them atop the Broad Street Whole Foods where they use his magic white board to spot petty municipal violations wherever they may occur. (Jeff Landry shows up to help drive them around sometimes too.)

Dramatic scenes from the trailer show Ken brandishing his pistol at a motorist with an expired break tag. Drums sound in the background as Gary files to run for five different municipal offices simultaneously. Irvin bludgeons noise violators in the street with his golden trumpet. Jay drinks lots of martinis and tells people to start calling him "Battman."

Not sure how we're going to afford the effects in the scene where they all have to cross streams and fight the 200 foot tall Savory Simon, though.  That Hollywood South money ain't what it used to be.

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