Among the Hillbillies Part 4

In Nashville, unspeakable specimens of wildlife are allowed much liberty by whatever ineffectual government agency is responsible for their oversight to run free in areas that civilized metropoli would clearly wish to reserve for people (and maybe cats, dogs, pigeons and the like). Last week I was horrified to peer out through the kitchen window and discover a deer.. an actual friggin deer.. merrily loping through the neighborhood as casually as though he were out for a morning stroll. What the hell! I had naively presumed that it was safe to leave my Tercel out there in the driveway. I had no idea that the area was overrun with large four-legged animals who appear to be quite capable of kicking through an innocent windshield should the mood strike them. If I find one hoofprint before I leave someone is getting an angry letter.

And then there are the vultures. Back home I was known to complain from time to time of the harassment I received quite often from certain elements of New Orleans's healthy population of big fat nasty black crows. The birds tended to become a bit defensive if I happened to allow my jogging route to pass too closely to their nesting trees. Many were the days when I would find myself forced to pick up the pace in order to avoid a nasty round of swooping and squawking on the part of the indignant birds. So I was always a bit annoyed with (if not quite terrified of)the crows. They were well sized and probably disease ridden enough to make me wary. Little did I know that one day I would be faced with a winged adversary easily twice the size of the crows and from the looks of them quite capable of clawing through skull material. I hope they aren't nesting yet.

Did I mention the skunks? Okay well, there are skunks.

All of this is quite enough to cause one a bit of discomfort with one's living arrangement. On the other hand, my current quarters, under siege by all manner of malevolent fauna though they may be, have several distinct advantages over home at the moment, chief among these being electricity and clean running water. So I suppose it would behoove me for the moment to... wait a minute what the fuck is that?
Man I gotta get out of here!