Well this ought to settle it

After a few rounds of ugly innuendo, former president Jimmy Carter has received this unequivocal statement of approval from a Republican with a high degree of interest in national security.

"There are limits to what I can say on the sub's capabilities, but let's just say the Jimmy Carter is uniquely capable to perform missions vitally important to the war on terror," said Rep. Rob Simmons, a Republican and former CIA officer whose district includes Groton, Connecticut, where the sub was built.

link

Retardedly late publicity dept

Go see Testaverde at the Circle Bar tonight at 10.
You have been officially notified.

Update: Actually, Y'all could have made it. The T-Verde set didn't even start till around midnight. Daisy couldn't even last that long. Tentative rumor of next appearance: April 2 Howling Wolf. More as more is known.

Sell the kids for food

A mother-to-be from New Zealand has run an online auction selling advertising space on her pregnant tummy.

BBC

The Doctor is in

It's not exactly the dawn of a new progressive era, but it's a start. Dean will immediately help the Democrats begin to do two things they should have done during (and especially after) the 2000 campaign. 1) Become less beholden to corporate donors. Which leads to 2) becoming less afraid to speak unabashedly about issues that matter to the poor and working classes such as protecting social security, reducing health care costs, strengthening organized labor, and ending the needless slaughter American soldiers in the cause of fruitless imperial misadventures.
Critics of Dean's "abrasive" personality misapprehend his role as party chair. Dean is a fundraiser, not a candidate. As the candidate in 2004 who proved that a campaign can raise money effectively through small "grassroots" donations, Dean is the obvious choice for this job. At least let's hope I'm right about that.... for once.

Mardi Gras Finale

I must say that I have impeccable timing. I managed to put off succumbing to the bug that’s been going around until after Mardi Gras was over. Once the thing did get a hold of me, it certainly didn’t waste any time knocking me on my ass. I haven’t been able to breathe easily, walk straight, or think clearly in two days. Ok so the only thing unusual is the breathing but stay with me here. Clearly, after taking five days off for Carnival, I very well couldn’t call in sick to work. So I managed to tough it out for two of the crazy busiest days of the 2005 liberry calendar thus far. It seems the kids are all trying to get their assignments done at the last minute before the Mardi Gras holidays are over; nothing new. Add to that, about a thousand projects that I’m too dizzy to think about now and you’ve got a couple of miserable post Mardi Gras days for Jeffrey there.
But as a wise man once said, fuck a buncha work. The Fat Tuesday photos you’ve been waiting for are finally here.


Look! Pirates!


Hail Rex. King of Carnival


Hail Jeffrey. King of the Drunks


Jeffrey: Look it's Bo Dollis
Daisy: Who's Bo Dollars?

I didn't feel like "Helloing" these myself so I stole them from Daisy's site where there are more.

To complete a Carnival season in which I hardly missed a single event, I managed to see as much of Tuesday as I possibly could. When the silver sequins on the Zulu King’s headdress reflected the first sunshine of the day on Jackson Avenue, I stopped worrying about the weather. After all the fretting about rain, we ended up with a near perfect, if a little muggy, day.

One of my favorite parts of every Mardi Gras morning happens when all the folks who have camped out and erected ladders facing the right side of St. Charles, suddenly realize that Rex is coming up the wrong side of the street. They cross the over during the Garden District portion of their route so that the King of Carnival can stop and toast in front of the Downman House at the corner of Third Street. The crowd displacement usually makes for a lot of elbow room on my side of St. Charles. It’s a great spot to see Rex. Don’t tell too many people I told you that.

Much of the rest of the morning was spent waiting for the red beans to cook while marching around the Uptown/Central City area looking for Indians. We saw a few but they weren’t ready to start moving yet. Once the truck parades started coming by, Daisy took a nap and I managed to out on the bicycle for a while. In addition to finally catching a few Indians, I also made it up to the Claiborne Avenue overpass where r’s people were all camped out.

We finished up downtown at the Alibi, some of us barely able to stand, eating chicken fingers and nachos waiting for the grand midnight clearing of the streets to wash over before heading home. Having partied to the point of exhaustion, we didn’t see the point in sticking around for the “after party.”

Jeffrey’s Great Big Pot of Carnival Red Beans
Soak overnight 2 pounds of Camelia brand red beans in a big pot
Remove beans from pot and drain
In that same pot, brown 1 pound of sliced smoked sausage in about ¼ stick of butter.

Quick aside re. butter: If your mamma had taught you anything about cooking, it would have been the importance of working a stick of butter into every recipe. This applies to just about anything from a pot of red beans to a bowl of cornflakes to a glass of ice water. Stick of butter makes it better.

Remove sausage from pot. Add a little more butter and sauté chopped onion, celery, bell pepper, and garlic.

Theological aside: New Orleanians will recognize the those first three vegetables as the “holy trinity” of creole cooking. I have long held that had St. Patrick gotten a hold of a four leaf clover, we’d be obliged to throw a little garlic in there too. As it is, I always do it anyway.

When the vegetables are ready, return the beans to the pot and cover with water.
Add the smoked sausage and about a pound of chopped pickled pork.
Season with salt, pepper, red pepper, bay leaf, and with a liberal sprinkling of thyme.

More food theology: Notice that this dish is almost as much about the pork as it is about the beans. It so happens that on the day that God made the pig, He immediately recognized that He needed something to put on it. Hence, thyme.

Simmer on low heat (drop a little butter in there while you’re at it) for hours and hours until creamy.

If you start these around 7:30 am, they should be ready to eat around 1 pm.

Late Lundi Gras Drunken Ramble (all apologies, folks.. really)

I did it. I wasn’t too enthusiastic about the whole endeavor, but I managed to get dragged into it anyway. I actually stood outside all night and drank more beer than I wanted to while watching the Krewe of Orpheus wend its sloppy disorganized way down the streets this Lundi Gras evening. Granted the hardship involved here was somewhat limited given that the parade route is a one block walk from the house but I’m working on a busy schedule here and the night before Fat Tuesday is no time to get too caught up in the drunken revelry. There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow. I usually spend my Monday evening chopping vegetables in preparation for the creation of Jeffrey’s renowned giant pot of Mardi Gras red beans. I like to have everything cut up and ready to throw in the pot on Fat Tuesday morning so I can get outside as quickly as possible and begin scouring the neighborhood for Indians before Zulu shows up. Last year, the threat of rain caused Zulu to uncharacteristically roll at its official 8:30 am start time which severely stressed my schedule. Hopefully the weather will be less intimidating tomorrow. The threat of rain has been with us through much of the parade season this year. Luckily, only the Krewe of Ancient Druids parade was seriously affected by the weather.
In one sense, I am grateful to Dad and to Daisy for pulling me from my onion celery and bell pepper and dragging me out to see Proteus and Orpheus this evening because it puts me in position to complete a rare Mardi Gras sweep tomorrow. Ordinarily, even the most stalwart Carnival geek will skip at least one parade in a season. So far, however, if it rolled in Orleans Parish this year, I saw at least part of it.

A few quick comments about the hazy weekend:

Saturday: Iris and Tucks rolled Uptown in the morning. This was the most beautiful day of the season weather wise; lots of sun not too cool or warm. Daisy got to wear her pirate dress and big purple wig. Some guy in the crowd brought a megaphone which he used to provide some extemporaneous pro bono parade commentary as well as beg each marching band to play that Usher/Ludacris song.. you know the one. He was unsuccessful in his solicitation. I finally got to try the crawfish bread at Fortissimo. Definitely worth the five bucks. That evening, while Daisy napped, I hopped on the bicycle and checked out as much as I could stand of Endymion.. which is to say not much. The crowd is too big. There are too many territorial, ladder mounted white people. And, for the most part, you can’t see the freaking parade. My bike ride took me from uptown to Canal street and then up the entire length of Endymion’s route to Orleans Ave and City Park. Unable to find a decent place to just chill and enjoy the parade, I went back home.
Also worth noting: Later this evening, Daisy, who is not known for such exploits, managed to drink Consuela under the table in what has to be the greatest upset in the history of sport.

Sunday: Very much like Saturday only with less sun. Okeanos doesn’t throw much. Thoth is often overlooked due to its Sunday morning time slot but it is one of my favorites. The Krewe of Mid City paraded Uptown again. Someone should do something about that. Much was made of the Superbowl vs Bacchus dilemma but this was no contest for us. I caught some football shaped beads. Big Fun.

Visual evidence: Is available here from Daisy who is finally back to blogging more than just book reviews. Daisy’s blog is a good read for all of you who come to this site for amusing tales of library related hi-jinks and instead find yourselves sifting through my bullshit Superbowl predictions and political rants and various other manifestations of lameitude. As a bonus feature, Daisy’s crappy camera actually managed to photographically represent our drunken haze.. even if it did make me look a little chunky.

And so now it’s all over but the shouting.. which will start promptly at 7 am or so tomorrow when I crawl my sorry ass out of bed. Happy Mardi Gras!!

Oh yeah, there's like a super bowl or something tomorrow

Well, we're real busy and stuff in New Orleans this weekend. I don't know how much of the game I'll even see since it goes right up against the can't-miss Krewe of Bacchus parade tomorrow night. I do live one block off of the parade route so I may drop in to check the score during pee breaks.

Over the life of this website (which has been up for more than a year now) I have made numerous predictions about various sporting and electoral events. None, and I mean NONE, of the these predictions has been accurate save one. This one success was New England over Pittsburgh in this year's AFC championship game. Why get off the horse now that I'm on a roll?
This year's superbowl champion:

PATRIOTS
May not even be very close.

Quick Friday Parade Recap

Always excited to see Hermes. The God of Commerce's Friday night march rings in the big Carnival weekend. Strange how there's a god of commerce who dates back to antiquity and yet there wasn't a Secretary of Commerce until 1913. Makes you wonder how Hermes got all that damn paperwork done for so long.
The Krewe of Hermes puts on a first class parade with some of the most elaborately decorated floats in Carnival. This year's theme was "The Passions of Zeus." Hermes, like many of the old line krewes, always takes its theme from mythology. The floats depicted various Greek dieties. The title of each float related its subject to Zeus in some way (i.e. "Posiedon: Ally of Zeus") or some such bullshit. I kept waiting for the Pop Zeus float but, alas, no dice.

Le Krewe D'Etat's idea this year was to satirize prominent local and national politics through the use of Tarot card themed floats. Mixed results. The Ted Kennedy Chappaquiddick thing is a little worn. One float featured a giant bust of dubya which some parade goers took the opportunity to hum beads at. My favorite float represented the Death card and was adorned with the names of every ill fated candidate Mayor Nagin has endorsed in every election since he has been in office.

Not much time to chat now. Iris and Tucks are comming.. like right now.

It's the greatest Mardi Gras Ever!

Because there aren't so many tourists in town singing karaoke with their frat buddies and peeing on people's houses and stuff. Now if only we could get the freaking weather to cooperate.
Also in today's Times-Pic, it seems that even Rex has forsaken those classic cheap little plastic strands of beads that remind me of the Carnival of my childhood. Parade goers are so spoiled nowadays. No one has time to fiddle with snap on beads anymore.

Another year, another lost memory I guess.

Last night was exhausting. The police are suddenly enforcing a previously unbeknownst to me ordinance which prohibits canine attendance at parades. Our rather late discovery of this rule via rude shouting cops who you'd think would have something better to do, necessitated a long walk to bring Susie, who didn't really want to be there anyway, home to Daisy's place.

So we saw most of Babylon and Chaos while on the long walk back. Chaos, it seems, is more or less a front organization by which the no longer parading Momus can skirt the city's anti-discrimination ordinance. Chaos uses the old Momus floats and follows the Momus tradition of staging a satirical parade. Last night's theme was "Chaos Spins the Beatles." The parade made fun of local news and politics while tying them to puns on Beatles songs. One float, for example was titled "Don't Let Me Drown" and was decorated with reminders of this past year's ridiculous Hurricane Ivan evacuation.

Tonight: Hermes opens the big weekend with one of the bigger parades of the season. It will be followed by Le Krewe d'Etat which promises more satire.

Why my night was better than yours

1) You had to put up with this condescending disingenuous lying speech.

2) I was at Carnival.

Quick parade roundup: Saturn's theme was "See you in the funny papers." The parade cast various local and national politicians as comic strip characters in a weak attempt at satire. Maybe I was missing the joke all night but I couldn't figure out why any of this was particularly funny.

• Eddie Jordan as Chilly Willy Umm.. Oookaay
• Ray Nagin as Charlie Brown I guess because he's bald?
• Kathleen Blanco as Stripperella Well, she is a girl I guess so that's certainly something.
• George W Bush as Superman Do I really need to go into the sinister implications of this?

On the other hand, I did get a couple pairs of "fat lady" beads from them so, you know, they've got that going for them.

Muses is the best weekday parade hands down. I am actually beginning to prefer it to Saturday's bloated and always obscenely crowded Endymion. Muses is a first class event with numerous marching bands, unusual walking clubs, stilt walkers, flambeaux, brass bands, really cool floats with fiber optic lighting and, of course, some of the most unique signature throws like shoe beads and teddy bears. Also there was an appearance by the Go-Gos who I think are playing in town this week. Did I mention that I like Muses? Go see them next year.

After that, what Morpheus? I know I watched this parade but man were we ever drunk by then. I did get some beads with the little moon medallion so at least I know I was there.

Parade food notes: I recommend the Jambalaya at Fortissimo on the corner of Louisiana and St Charles Avenues. It comes in larger portions this year. They claim to have crawfish bread which I am dying to try but they ran out before I could get to them last night. Also, this morning, on the way to work, I noticed that the funnel cake truck is finally up and running. It has moved from Jackson Avenue to St. Charles around Felicity street just across the street from Walgreens. I think we can make that walk tonight.

Why your morning was better than mine: I had to read this condescending disingenuous lying speech. Plus I'm a wee bit sleepy and hung over.

Tonight: Babylon followed by Chaos. This begins a long weekend of partying and carrying on in the streets. I don't have to liberry again until Ash Wednesday. Posting between now and then is almost certain to occur somewhat drunkenly.

Blogger Spellcheck Note: Spellcheck likes "crayfish" but not "crawfish". Damn yankee bastards!

Obligatory SOTU drinking game

Click here (via Bob Harris)
You know, cute but a bit tired. A better idea would be to ignore the speech altogether and drink while watching tonight's three Carnival parades in Orleans Parish like some people I know.

Perrilloux

Good news: Landing a major national prospect gets the new coach off on the right foot.

Bad news: Now the new coach has to deal with keeping two young, highly recruited, primma donna quarterbacks happy. Rotating QBs didn't work so well for LSU last season. Let's hope it doesn't come to that again.

But really: Your name is Perrilloux. Were you really going to leave Louisiana in the first place?

Dissing the Doctor

The spineless (fainthearted?) Louisiana Democratic congressional delegation is already sniping at Dean. This, if nothing else, indicates that the DNC is on the right track if Dean becomes chairman.

Druids in the Fluids

I and like three or four of my neighbors stood and smiled sympathetically as the Krewe of Ancient Druids rolled what was left of their parade minus most of their bands and flambeaux down a rain drenched St Charles Avenue this evening. This was a subdued event to say the least. When I was ten years old I would have killed for the opportunity to stand in such a sparse crowd at a parade and have easy access to all the choice throws. Indeed tonight I caught a spear. Somehow it feels like an empty victory.

Tomorrow: Morpheus, which did not brave the rain tonight, will follow the Krewe of Saturn and the much anticipated Krewe of Muses making for a busy evening. Note to self: Need more beer.

Ever get the feeling you've seen this movie before?

The Vietnam turnout was good as well

or this one?

Iraqis Claim Irregularities Kept Many People From Voting

Ok, so some dogs love Mardi Gras

Yesterday afternoon brought more Carnival frivolity as Dad and Hombre attended the venerable Krewe of Carrollton parade with me. Hombre continues to have the greatest time ever had by a dog at Carnival.. although maybe these guys would disagree. He attentively watched every band and most floats. One rider even pointed him out and tossed a few beads his way. But his favorite carnival activity continues to be barking at, jumping at, and generally making a big fuss about the horses. One K of C officer had his horse bow its head low so that, as Hombre stood on his hind legs, the two animals could eyeball each other and pose for the cutest picture that I ever didn't have a camera for.
Carrollton is an outstanding parade thanks to the excessive number of marching bands included. Yesterday, they progressed so slowly through the streets with numerous prolonged stops along the way that the day lasted much longer than planned. King Arthur, following Carrollton didn't entirely pass my Third Street vantage point until around 5PM. The extended festivities allowed Daisy and I to bring Susie (longtime readers of this site and the now defunct I Have a Snake will remember Suze as Daisy's over-friendly, well meaning, nonetheless habitually man-eating baby pit bull) to watch the late and troubled Bards of Bohemia parade. The Bards are involved in some kind of strange power struggle within their ranks. Here on the Krewe's website, one of the claimants to the Krewe's captaincy is threatening legal action against those members who rolled under the Bards name. Please make sure the sound on your computer is on before clicking on that link. Nothing could be more hilarious than reading a threat to sue while "Mardi Gras Mambo" plays in the background. Whatever these troubles are the Krewe is going through, they are definitely affecting the quality of the parade. I recognized many of their floats from previous parades this season. I know that float recycling is a not uncommon practice, but this looked really shabby for some reason. Also given this incident and the current trends in the cost of parade insurance, it shouldn't be too surprising to see these guys off the schedule next year.
As for Susie, well I think she's going to have to work on it a bit. Ordinarily fearless, she watched most of the parade with a panicked look on her face and her tail between her legs. When the bands came by with their big drums, she tried to run off down the street and hide. What a baby! What a big scary baby with powerful jaws and fearsome claws who never fails to break the skin even when she play bites you. I think I'll bring a bass drum next time I visit her.

Tonight: No parades. Good thing because it's cold and wet out.

Tomorrow: Krewes of Ancient Druids and Morpheus. Bad thing because it may still be cold and wet.

Nearly wiped out

In case anyone out there is living under a rock (a rock with a cable modem) I thought I'd drop in and point out that it is indeed Carnival time. Usually, late winter and early spring in Louisiana brings the best weather; not too much rain, moderate temperatures, no tsunamis, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, this year it looks like we'll be watching the skies more closely during the parade season. So far we have managed to avoid disaster.

Friday night was touch and go. Daisy and I braved an aggressive drizzle which lasted through the first third of Oshun and went away completely by the time Pygmalion rolled by. I was disappointed to see that Pygmalion had unnecessarily dropped most of its bands for fear of the rain. Also Daisy, for the second consecutive year, caught a pair of gay beads at the first parade.

Yesterday Dad showed up with Hombre the mop-dog. I had no idea how much dogs love Mardi Gras. Hombre was especially fascinated by all the horses, clearly the biggest dogs he has ever seen. Despite the fact that dog owners were lining the parade route yesterday, the police managed to find time in their busy Mardi Gras crowd control schedule to condescendingly order us not to walk Hombre in the street. Cops are not my favorite people right now. I really need to get back here and relate to you my harrowing brush with law enforcement during the MLK weekend. Remind me to do that sometime. Anywho.. so yesterday featured the Krewes of Pontchartrain, Shangri-La, Sparta, and Pegasus. I think Sparta was the highlight. Their captain and officers rode on horseback. The King float was pulled by mules instead of a tractor. There were numerous flambeaux throughout the parade. All of this gave them a very traditional look which is a nice thing to see on the first weekend. In the meantime, we managed to buy a battery powered bubble gun from a street vendor, yet failed in a desperate attempt to find a funnel cake. I'll try again when I walk out there and catch some of Carrollton, King Arthur and Bards this afternoon.

WMD in Iraq

"Poppers"

via cursor

Bush Publicly Condemns "Payola"

Your President, speaking elegantly as ever,

"But all our Cabinet secretaries must realize that we will not be paying, you know, commentators to advance our agenda. Our agenda ought to be able to stand on its own two feet,"

Doubts remain, however, regarding the propriety of the relationship between the White House and the domestic as well as the international media. Particularly eye opening is this headline.

Just in time for peak tourist season

This week's Gambit interviews one of the authors of How to Burn Down the House: The Infamous Waiter and Bartender's Scam Bible by Two Bourbon Street Waiters. I know a couple of folks who might find this an amusing read could have written this book their ownselves. My favorite snippet from the article:

If an unscrupulous waiter has easy access to self-service salads and wants to steal the proceeds, he might prey on the insecurities of customers. "He could say, ŒThe Caesar salad is really good if you want to eat light.' Put someone on the spot. Say it to a chubby person," DeGlinkta says. "Probably a lot of great scammers in history got their start on the restaurant floor. You're intimidating people into buying stuff."

This is exactly the same philosophy you get at any "legitimate" ad agency. Ain't capitalism grand?

Please don't rain on my parades

Friday night is looking pretty bad. Pity since it rained on Oshun last year too.
Also, NOLA.com's Mardi Gras page is better this year. They've introduced a Mardi Gras radio feature which I'm currently employing to annoy the officemates.

Almost Forgot

Time to continue my phenomenal record of perfectly innacurate prognostication with the following NFL conference championship predictions.
I've got the Patriots because they always win the conference title game, and the Falcons because the Eagles never win it.

Run, don't walk, to your bookie to bet against my picks. Nothing I've ever predicted on this site has panned out.. and I've been doing this for over a year now.

Bitter? Here's one way to deal

A D.C. blogger has an enticing idea for a new.. um.. movement, so to speak.

Birthday shout outs continue

Hellion is five already. Where has all the time gone?

Liberry stuff

Pretty good piece here on the importance of open source software for libraries via LISnews. If librarians aren't going to fight for freer access to information, then who the hell is? Meanwhile, Bill Gates continues to try and buy his way out of hell.

Happy Birthday, Officer Barbie

Lots of shout outs this week. January is apparently baby season.

Stuff You Guys Should Read

Is anyone else out there in love with Annalee Newitz?

KDV Preview

Via Angus Lind's tiresome "Deep Float" inanity.

Also, Oyster is in the spirit. BTW, I coudn't agree more with his take on the flap over the cost of the inaugural celebration. Get over it, people.

Also in the Carnival spirit: me, as evidenced by my massive hangover this morning... I mean afternoon. Ok, late afternoon. I know, I know.

Now this is pretty remarkable

WWL is actually giving major play to today's Jazz Funeral for Democracy protest march, complete with multiple photos. Check it out. Where was this kind of coverage of similar events during the election?
Story also picked up by WDSU.
Other national media outlets.
BTW, unavoidable stupid New Orleans description courtesy of the Seattle Post Intelligencer:

In the city's Jackson Square, teeming with tourists and voodoo practitioners, activists planned to destroy a copy of the Patriot Act and speak out against the war.

"teeming with tourists and voodoo practitioners"?

Completely Pointless, Without Context, Onion Link

Sorry, but when they're on they're on.

It's Hard Work

I guess anyone who reads the biggies has seen this already. Fun. So much to pick from but my favorite line is, "It's amazing what happens when you're tired."

Happy Birthday, Nurse MacBeth

Are we in Alabama yet? I know you don't hate me... much.

Get a life department

Big shock. Christian fundies continue to be disturbingly gay-obsessed. Meanwhile the LA State Supreme Court has reinstated the recently passed Louisiana Hate Amendment. As Ricky points out, however, gay rights groups are calling attention to the fact that the law still recognizes mutual property contracts between unmarried couples. The effect is that the status quo for many gay couples and other unmarried co-habitants is largely unaffected by this amendment. As a result, we have placed in our constitution, a bit of meaningless symbolism which exists only to declare the social inferiority of a specific portion of the populous. Way to go, Louisiana.

Somewhat related, this looks wrong. The court ruled that oral sex is a "crime against nature" only if performed by a prostitute?

Happy Birthday, Daisy

Folks who know where to go should drop in and bring greetings.

Ok so we all know what day it is

Let's just try to get through it with as little bullshit as possible. By the way, is anyone in town planning to attend the Jazz Funeral for Democracy? I'm, of course, stuck here up in this liberry. The good news is we are only two days away from serious running about the streets action so, you know, keep your head up, people.

See, it really did happen!

Although I was out of town on Christmas, Nurse MacBeth was good enough to get this photo of my Tercel in the snow. 

Finally, a few words about Buddy D

Every New Orleanian has a short list. That is to say we all keep at the ready a list of assignments any first time visitor or transplant must accomplish in order that they be properly introduced to the local lifestyle. Such lists include a favorite bar, favorite restaurant, essential book to read (this book is required to be A Confederacy of Dunces for all lists, there can be no argument about this), neighborhood to visit, etc. My list always included an exposure to the Buddy D show. Of course many cities have their own local color or accent or what have you. But New Orleans is one of the few places left where we can, in fact prefer to, see and hear our parochial manner in our daily media consumption. Even for non sports enthusiasts, Buddy served as a prime example of old “Where y’at, Where’s ya Mom an’ dem, Let’s go get some ersters” New Orleans. But Buddy was also more than that. He was one of the last of the old school journalists; the have a few drinks, bet a few horse races, don’t kiss anyone’s ass, “tell it like it is” kind. Today’s broadcast world is populated by two kinds of animal. One camp, the Brokaw-Williams-Costas faction, houses the blow dried, smooth voiced, lipo-sucted bobbleheads. The other, the Limbaugh-Coulter-Name-any-hack-sports-talk-radio-guy wing, is the home of the shrill, attention seeking blowhards who shout whatever they think might be controversial enough to land them their next book deal. All of this is much more about show business than it is about reporting the news. Whatever Buddy Diliberto was, he was a completely alien figure to the current universe of phony journalism. Buddy spent over fifty years as a sports reporter in New Orleans. During the course of his long career, he worked in print, television, and radio all in New Orleans.
There are stories upon stories to tell about Buddy, and if you have been around here this week, by now you have heard them all. Buddy famously was banned from traveling on the team plane as a result of his drawing the ire of former Saints owner John Mecom who was perhaps the worst owner in all of professional sports at the time. Buddy was the father of an untold number of misstatements and malapropisms such as “They’re doing a pretty hell of a good job,” or, “It’s like an arrow right between the forehead,” or “Donte’ Stallpepper.” He is also credited with inventing the now commonplace practice of attending the home games of a poorly performing team with a paper bag over one’s head. Most importantly, Buddy got into broadcasting at almost the same time as the Saints arrived in New Orleans. Over the years, the two became players in a familiar routine. The Saints provided the frustration and heartbreak, Buddy provided the laughter and catharsis made so necessary by the team’s performance. His caustic manner and honest criticism of the team led some portions of his audience to brand him a “Saint hater.” I don’t think these people ever quite got it. I always considered their point of view analogous to the one which states that one cannot question the actions of one’s government and still be patriotic. Sports fans, like any consumers of the news, need the media to ask hard questions of the powerful and to honestly critique them when they fail to answer those questions. God knows, we could use a few more Buddy D’s in grown up (non-sports) journalism today.
During my childhood in New Orleans, the city seemed to really come to life at two times during the year; Carnival season and football season. The passion and excitement that permeated the city during football season, always centered around Buddy. Buddy D was an indispensable part of the experience of being a Saints fan. For many of us he was the Saints. At a time when we may soon have to say goodbye to the Saints, it seems that saying goodbye to Buddy is as appropriate a way as any to begin that sad process.

Da Vinci Code Panned

Oh this is delicious. Here Murph demonstrates his excellent facility with that highest of literary forms, the negative book review. I think this is my favorite passage.

But the worst piece of writing in the whole book has to be what I'm about to unveil on you. I have to warn you that it will shock you. If you have a heart condition, you may want to scroll ahead. Now that you're ready, allow me to blow your mind. From page 379 (pagination in the illustrated edition may vary), where our heroes sit down with a librarian to conduct a search, and the librarian says

"I'm asking the system to show us any documents whose complete text contains all
three of these keywords [London, Knight, Pope]. We'll get more hits than
we want, but it's a good place to start."

Oh ... my ... God. Did he just tell us what a search engine does and how to conduct one? Next thing you know he'll tell us what this thing called the Internet is. This isn't writing to the lowest common denominator, it's worse. I don't know what you call it, but it's far, far worse.

What makes this particularly sad to me is that our adult patrons regularly require this level of explanation or greater.

Oh well, fuck it

Sayeth the US weapons inspectors. Nearly one year to the day after claiming that this pencil doodle constitued a great and gathering threat to national security, the Iraq survey group has officially ceased searching for evidence of WMD in Iraq.

Alberto Gonzales: M.D.

Oxford University scientists will carry out experiments on hundreds of people in a bid to understand how the brain works during states of consciousness.

One aspect of the two-year study will involve followers of both religious and secular beliefs being burnt to see if they can handle more pain than others.

Some volunteers will be shown religious symbols such as crucifixes and images of the Virgin Mary during the torture

link

Site of the Day

Onelook's new reverse dictionary feature. Pretty self-explanatory. I could have used one of these during all those years I drove myself crazy trying to find a word for "candle maker."

They Get Junk Mail

Today, we received a solicitation from something called Tourism Guide basically asking us if we would like to be included in their publication and contribute $989.00 for this inclusion. Sadly, we have declined to respond to this offer. Part of the form consists of a list of amenities our location might offer that we may wish to have mentioned in our listing. Each of these items has a little box next to it that the respondent is expected to check if the item is offered at his or her location. How cool would our library be if we offered any three of the services listed? The choices are as follows.

• Hot Air Balloon Rides
• Cinema
• Water Sports
• Dart, Billiard Hall
• Dance School
• Inline Skate Track
• Skate-board track
• Go-cart track
• Sleigh Run
• Solarium
• Shopping Center
• Mini Golf
• Disco
• Circus
• 12-pin Bowling Alley
• 9-pin Bowling Alley
• Badmitton Court
• Exhibition Garden
• National Park
• Adventure Park
• Gaming Hall
• Internet Cafe
• Wellness Farm
• Costume Rentals
• Tattoo Shop
• Zoo
• Swimming Pool
• Water Park
• Video Park
• Football Stadium
• Bar/Night Club
• Open-air Theater
• Sauna/Steam Bath
• Tours
• Leisure Courses

Hey, Mary

No means no.

More things that suck about 2005

In our moments of doubt and trepidation, we will no longer have GBV there to rescue us. We are infinitely jealous of those who actually witnessed the final performances.

Goddamned Mouth Breathers

Librarians ban book.

2005: Ten days that sucked

It was the black eyed peas. For a minute there I had convinced myself that 2004 was as screwy as it was because I had neglected to consume the obligatory legumes on January 1. This year I resolved not to make the same mistake. I woke up early one hungover New Year's morning and saw a rooster struttin by my house... I mean I threw together the mother of all pots of peas. We still have some left. How long do you think peas keep anyway? No I don't feel ill at all.
As good as the peas were, I'm beginning to suspect that their power to bestow good fortune upon their annual devourers is greatly exaggerated. To wit, here we are 10 days into the newly pea-christened year and the following things have gone horribly horribly wrong.

• My beloved Tigers lost the Capital One Bowl by paying their karmatic debt for the Bluegrass Miracle. This happened as I was finishing my first bowl of peas. While this is a pretty crappy way for Saban to go out, I can't help but wonder if things would have been different for this team if he had done the right thing and turned the starting QB job over to JaMarcuss Russell after the Oregon State game.


• Oh and the Saints tried so hard didn't they? Nothing stings more than watching your guys miss the playoffs at the same time that Mike Martz gets in. We should have known a few weeks back when I made a prediction, that it wasn't going to happen. Longtime readers have certainly noted that nothing I predict here ever comes true.


• Then there was the below mentioned return of the kitchen leak (2005 edition). Since my reporting of this, Lackey visited once and frowned at the ceiling. Perhaps this was sufficient to shame the leak into submission. I do have my doubts, however.


• And then there's this. There are three major factors at play here, none of which has been adequately addressed through the reportage of the incident. They are these. First, let us make no mistake about the fact that tourists suck. Anyone who has worked in the service industry in the French Quarter knows this. They are invariably rude and condescending. They mangle the names of our streets. They woefully misapprehend and trivialize our culture, our food, our history. They tip poorly, mistake our private property for restroom facilities, and often threaten to get people fired for not smiling at them. If your livelihood depends on the tourist industry you inevitably are made to feel like a prostitute. I know what I'm talking about. So, to begin with, any interaction between a tourist (particularly a drunken one) and a service employee necessarily takes place within a context of barely suppressed rage. Second, let's talk for a minute about how one becomes a bouncer on Bourbon Street. Remember those guys you went to high school with who liked to sleep through class and flush M-80's down the toilet? In New Orleans, they grow up to be cops. Most of them do anyway. Some of them lack the... um... social graces, ability to show up on time, read and write or meet the several other high standards required of those who wish to protect and serve the citizens of New Orleans. These people get jobs as bouncers. (Ok not all bouncers are so derived. Some of them are very nice, albeit very large, people. On the other hand, most of them are fucking scary bastards.) So any interaction between a Bourbon street bouncer and another human being takes place within a context of fiery hot rage. Third, and perhaps worst of all, this whole story was very nearly swept under the rug due to the fact that local media and law enforcement are so squarely under the thumb of the criminals who own the shameful tourist trade in this town. Until the NAACP threatened to involve the feds, there were no arrests made, and no media outlet so much as questioned Razoo's owners' statement that the incident was prompted by a violation of the club's "dress code." As most of you probably suspect, there is no dress code at Razoo. Any idiot in shorts and sandals is free to pay $8.00 for a beer there until the sun comes up. What Razoo means by "dress code" is that their bouncers eyeball individuals and exclude those who look like "suspicious characters", to quote John Toole, by informing them, rather less than politely, that they do not meet the "dress code" requirements. This is obviously a highly subjective judgement and given that many clubgoers who pass this inspection are less than nattily clad, one can see how those excluded individuals may be expected to exhibit a degree of indignance. In this case, an indignant black college student paid with his life at the hands of three overenthusiastic white bouncers. This is really the worst kind of ugliness. The club is, of course, defending its policy and, surprisingly, its employees. Given the clout the club owners wield and the stranglehold the tourism industry has on this community's institutions, I don't expect the kid's family will recieve much in the way of swift justice.


• I also want to say a few words about the sad passing of legendary New Orleans sports broadcaster, Buddy Diliberto. I'll have to make that a separate post as this one has become a bit long. Here is the reaction of Buddy's longtime friend, T-P columnist, Peter Finney. There was also a bit of discussion of this over at Timshel. For now, let's just say that I respectfully disagree with Ricky's take.

The freaking peas owe me, man!
Black Eyed Peas
Soak overnight in a big pot, 2 lbs of Camellia brand black eyes.
Remove peas from pot and brown 1 lb of Chisesi brand smoked sausage.
Set sausage aside and sautee onion, celery, garlic until onions begin to brown.
Return peas and sausage to pot. Add parsely, bay leaf, and fresh basil.
Add enough water to cover.
Season liberally with thyme, marjoram, salt and pepper. (You can add a little red pepper here if you have to. I often have to. you can even throw in a half stick of butter as long as you don't tell Consuela you have done so.)
Cover pot and let simmer for 1 to 2 hours until a milky soup is achieved.
Enjoy, and good luck.

Broken records department

Three days ago, Slumlords's lackey visited to, once again, replace the ceiling tiles in my kitchen and claim, once again, to have fixed the infamous leak which has resurfaced several times since I origninally reported it here over a year ago. Today, the ceiling is leaking once again. Every time this happens, we complain. Each complaint is usually responded to weeks later with an excuse and new ceiling tiles. This isn't funny.

"Unnecessary Spanish" might make a fun band name

Maddox: 11 worst songs of 2004.

Wal-Mart Continues to be Staggeringly Evil

Recently voted Grinch of the Year.

washington, dc – The retailing giant Wal-Mart was named 'Grinch of the Year' in a national online poll held between December 6 and December 22 by Jobs with Justice.


Wal-Mart is a fitting recipient of the Grinch title. As the

United States' largest retailer and largest employer, Wal-Mart is a driving force in setting wage standards wherever its stores are located. Despite nearly $9 billion in profits, its wages are so low that many employees are eligible for food stamps. Even so, local taxpayers often finance Wal-Mart's expansion through tax breaks and development incentives.

They also kill kitties.

Patron Glossary

After a while you learn to speak their language. They certainly aren't ever going to get the hang of yours.

When a Patron says:
"Copy"
He/She means:
"Print a document using a computer and a printer."

This is even more mystifying considering that
When a patron says:
"Printer"
He/She means:
"The copy machine"

When a patron says:
"I could purchase a liberry card?"
He/She means:
"I would like to apply for and be issued a completely free public library card please."

This is closely related to
When a patron says:
"How long I could rent this book for?"
He/She means:
"What is the lending period for this item?"
One could speculate that these are two examples of how the language of commerce has permeated our culture to such an extent that many people now thoughtlessly apply it to innappropriately describe pro bono public services. Or one could just shut the fuck up.

Which brings us to,
When a patron Says:
"Have a blessed day"
He/she means:
"Bite Me"

Wednessday Evening Sports Item

Three grown men and a dog drive nine hours in the cab of a pickup truck from Nashville to New Orleans. Halfway through the journey the musty smell of three grown men and a dog in the cab of a pickup truck is temporarily overpowered by the smell of greasy fried fast food. Most of the trip is occupied by some permutation of the following conversation.

Dad: So what if we win and Seattle loses and Minnesota loses but St Louis loses too.

Me: We're out.

Dad: What if Seattle wins and we go 8-8 and St. Louis goes 8-8 and Minnesota goes 8-8.

Me: We're still out.

Dad: But we beat St Louis.

Me: And Minnesota beat us. So what?

Dad: Did St. Louis beat Minnesota?

Me: That doesn't matter, Dad. In a three way tie, the playoff bids are resolved according to conference record. It wouldn't be fair to the Rams if Minnesota went and they didn't based only on the fact that we were one of their several common opponents. In football, it doesn't necessarily hold that because A>B and B>C that A is automatically >C.

Dad: It does necessarily hold that if you have the same record as someone you beat and they go to the playoffs and you don't = bullshit.

Like I said, it went round and round like that a few times. I still can't believe anyone is even having this conversation given the fact that the Saints, still possibly the worst team in the NFL,are still alive in the playoff race with one game remaining. All that has to happen is 1) The Saints win at Carolina and 2) the Vikings beat Washington or the Rams lose to the Jets. Keep in mind, the odds of this stuff lining up properly are much much greater than, say, snow in New Orleans on Christmas day.

Instant Obit

While it is common for news outlets to write prefab obituaries of public officials in order that they can make deadline in the event of any sudden eschewing of fleshy incarnation. Recently CNN accidentally left some of their speculative obits available on the internet.
Creepy, yes, but until this morning, I had no idea how comprehensive this practice was. ESPN's NFL pre-game show broke the news of former Eagle and Packer Reggie White's death this morning and was ready to go with a slickly produced video retrospective within 15 minutes! Again.. creepy.

Shocking

It'd be a cold day in... well, New Orleans when it snows there. Apparently today was just such a day. It figures, I mean we had oyster dressing today in Nashville after all. Consuela claims to have photographs of my car in the stuff (snow not oyster dressing). Here are some photos of other freaked out denizens of south Louisiana enjoying the only white christmas of their lives. Try not to hurt yourselves.

Nagin is vulnerable

But perhaps not if this is the field.

Among his potential opponents, Nagin said, are Civil District Court Clerk Dale Atkins, City Councilman Eddie Sapir, state Sen. Lambert Boissiere Jr., Dock Board Commissioner Bernard Charbonnet, and former state Rep. Sherman Copelin.

Spitzer selling out

Well, he is running for governor.

Bad headlines

Ok, Ricky, I think this one may be worse.

Obligatory X-mas link

NORAD Santa tracking.


And now, the weather.
It's unnaturally cold in Nashville. Yesterday, I saw real snow for only the second time in my life. Suburban Nashville is a completely alien landscape. The roads already feature the most severe curves and inclines (also these people don't believe in sidewalks for some reason) and yesterday's ice made them impassable so I've been cooped up all day with my family. Tough business, yes, but I'm managing to survive. This is only Tennessee. I have no idea how any of you Yankees live like this. Back home it's practically balmy tonight. Here's hoping everyone is well. Merry Xmas.

So when do we invade Canada?

CALGARY, Alberta, Dec. 21 - China's thirst for oil has brought it to the doorstep of the United States.

Chinese energy companies are on the verge of striking ambitious deals in Canada in efforts to win access to some of the most prized oil reserves in North America.

The deals may create unease for the first time since the 1970's in the traditionally smooth energy relationship between the United States and Canada.

NYT

Lib Chron Holiday Digest

We, the management of this publication, would like to express our deepest gratitude for/interest in/amusement at the overwhelming outpouring of/infinitesimal trickle of concern/dismay/anger/relief/rejoicing expressed to us via e-mail/g-mail/snail mail/ flyer/gossip/threatening post-it/carrier pigeon/semaphore over the lack of activity which has lately been in abundant evidence in this space as of late. On the one hand, we would very much like to apologize for/offhandedly excuse this absence by citing some holiday business related cliché. On the other hand, it is much more fun to simply blame Daisy. Daisy, as long time viewers of the illustrious internet may recall, once published an admittedly obscure, yet undeniably blue piece of blogspace known as I Have A Snake. Due to a rather jarring episode in which the contents of I Have A Snake were made known to some of its most indispensably loveable yet emotionally fragile (despite safely anonymous) regular characters, Daisy has (unwisely in my opinion) decided to cease publication. This has been something of a blow to the staff at Lib Chron. We (especially when we are in the mode of referring to ourselves in the plural) have always viewed I Have a Snake as a sort of companion piece to what we have offered here. Often Daisy’s take on events at the library, be they encounters with nutty patrons, or the follies of the staff, or even our own unique hi jinx has freed us from the obligation of describing such matters as it is assumed here that readers would have gleaned the necessary information from her site before advancing to the more elevated topics discussed in our forum. I Have A Snake provided much library related context which this site (despite its title) often felt free to ignore. Daisy’s ignominious departure from this arena has predictably left us with the seemingly unbearable burden of covering her beat in addition to producing the daily lazy highlighting of selected national news items/local sports scores/links to other blogs/photos of Barry Bonds that readers of this space have come to expect. Daunting? Certainly. Impossible? Not necessarily. Likely to be done properly? Um.. no.
Incidentally, we strongly urge those of you who may harbor misgivings about poor Daisy and her sudden loss of a necessary creative outlet not to fret. She has decided to apply her considerable talent toward the pursuit of a far more high profile publishing endeavor. Daisy has graciously accepted/been swindled into the rewarding position of editor of the NOPL employee newsletter which is most unfortunately titled In Circulation. In her sacred capacity as steward of the NOPL employee news, Daisy is responsible for the monthly assemblage, formatting, and distribution of such crucial matters as Cupcake Recipes, Amateur Poetry and, of course, the naming of the Pet of the Month. I could continue to enumerate the sad sundry details of Daisy’s shameful descent into banality but I can’t allow my much more lofty purposes to be derailed by such trivia. After all, I have a blog to update. So here you go, dear readers/suckers. Here is all the crap you’ve pined for in my absence in convenient bite sized form.

Sports Items: It’s like this, people. Despite their best efforts to perform worse than the sorry NFC, the Saints are going to make the playoffs. It’s really the only possible outcome in this the strangest of years which has seen so many events that totally tip the surreality scale. Bush reelected, World Champion Red Sox, Saints in the playoffs. It just fits. Enjoy it while you can, New Orleans this may be your last chance.
Saban is as good as gone. The latest golden age of LSU football is at an end.

Local News Item: The mayor may actually do something right and try to stop the latest attempt by the hotel industry to encroach further into the French Quarter. Don't hold your breath, however. Without going into too much detail, let me just express my eternal and absolute hatred for the tourism trade and what it has done and continues to do to this city. Its dominance of the local labor market has severely and adversely affected the already unhealthy distribution of wealth in the community. Its trivialization and commercialization of the city's vibrant culture has diminished the quality of life for its citizens. Also tourists are largely rude, and ignorant, and they tend to pee on everything.

Weather Report: Let it snow, bitches!! I've actually only seen snow once in my entire life. We got almost an inch back in 1989. It looks like we might get close this year. Of course I have to be in Nashville for Christmas. I always miss the good stuff.

Library related item: Yep, the rumors are true. Last night NOPL held a great scandalous bacchanalia of an Xmas party. Or to put it another way, they gave us the afternoon off and forced us to go to a party all in the interest of "team building." Actually it wasn't all that bad. Despite the fact that I was invited, we didn't run out of liquor. The accoustics were sufficiently bad to allow one to ignore the karaoke. Daisy and I, who work at an isolated branch, were somewhat taken aback to discover the degree to which we were both um.. known to many of the staff. She proved to be a minor celebrity of sorts due to her aforementioned involvement with the monthly newsletter. I discovered, to my horror (no, delight.... really) that some staff members have seen my blog. Hello there.

Blogging around: Timshel links to this story about (gasp) ticket fixing in Orleans Parish. I wish I could have rustled up some help from these folks a few days ago. As it is, I'm out $181.00 for a stop sign which I did not run you freaking pigs!

Josh Marshall on the Fainthearted Faction.

Right Hand Thief on Iraqi Cajun Bingo

Rudolph: Bush is like Walmart.

And then there's this.

Obligatory Barry Bonds Photo:


That's it, folks I've gotta plane to catch. Next Update from Nashville.

Merry Xmas

Chocolate Rations are Up

Or maybe down

Lovely Lovely Ludwig Van

Happy Birthday, Beethoven.

Ode to Joy

Update: Ha ha. link fixed. Last one was playing Waltzing Matilda

X-Mas continues

Here's an early suggestion for the regular Timshel Friday feature. It's sort of holiday themed in that it involves snow. Take a few cuts at some diving penguins. Degree of success may depend on your Yeti's relationship with BALCO.

Merry X-mas

12 Yats

12 Rummys

12 Boudreaux

12 Blogs

Welcome to Kafka land

Good Christ.

ORGANTOWN, W.Va. - May 5, the day that changed Aliakbar and Shahla Afshari's lives, began like most others. They shared coffee, dropped their 12-year-old son off at Cheat Lake Middle School here, then drove to their laboratories at the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, a federal agency that studies workplace hazards.

But that afternoon, their managers pulled the Afsharis aside and delivered a stunning message: they had failed secret background checks and were being fired. No explanations were offered and no appeals allowed. They were escorted to the door and told not to return.

More here

Over 1 million served

WASHINGTON, Dec. 9 (UPI) -- Nearly a million U.S. troops have been deployed for war in Iraq or Afghanistan since those conflicts began, according to Pentagon data.

Or is that severed?

Amputation rate for US troops twice that of past wars

Quick ones

Our library is closed today due to a... um plumbing emergency. As a result, I have been given the privilege of forfeiting an afternoon's worth of vacation time in order that I might wrestle the X-mas shopping beast. Um.. I gotta get back to that. In the meantime, here's the latest batch of crap sitting out there on the internets.

The world is shocked shocked shocked to learn that Sharpton picked up a $35,000 consulting fee to campaign for Kerry.

The major lefty blogs are ganging up on the DLC today. Here's is Kos's contribution. The consensus there seems to be that the DLC is losing its grip on the party because the corporate money spigot is drying up. I'm not so sure of this. One thing is for sure, if the Democrats really believe they lost because they weren't running far enough to the right, well then it's time for a new party.

Unsurprisingly, it's looking more and more like that kid was just trying to bring Jello to school. Freaking paranoid school administrators need to back off. Treating students like inmates is nothing new to local public schools. In November, an armed private security guard shot a 16 year old in the foot because she claimed she thought he had a joint.

I need to get a cable modem. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I use AOL at home and it bugs the shit out of me. Between the uninterrupted flow of IM spam and the daily "headlines" that say things like "8 Mom-Tested Toys" I'm going to end up taking a bullet or two just to stop the constant ringing in my brain.

This helps though. Here's your GBV to put on repeat for the rest of the day.

Gotta go. More consumer whoring to do.

Officially sanctioned merriment micromanagement plus today's Lib Chron flashback

A recent message broadcast over the library's office e-mail (which D and I affectionately refer to as the "text belcher") has mysteriously, but graciously, granted us permission to decorate the library for christmas even going so far as to helpfully suggest "lights, garland and wreaths on the outside." I am a bit surprised to find that this permission could have been witheld. We didn't have any trouble last year what with all the knowing sugary grins.

Update: link fixed. Sorry, yo.

UNO Student Paper Shut Down

Timothy Ryan has gone from being a crappy economist to an even crappier chancellor. Allowing a campus newspaper to go under on your watch is unbelievably irresponsible and a disservice to the student body at large as well as to the hardworking staff of the paper. Lying to that staff three days before changing the office locks on them is heinously disrespectful.

The Driftwood site is still up and its editors are venting here.

Concerned individuals may e-mail the chancellor's office at tpryan@uno.edu

Trust no one

Every time I think I've seen the worst thing I'll ever see, along comes the worst damn thing I'll ever see. Here is yet another reason for me to bristle whenever Dad or r suggests that I really ought to buy a cell phone. These motherfuckers here have finally done it. They have officially turned your whole goddamned life into one hollow marketing event.

The sausage campaign was organized by a small, three-year-old company in Boston called BzzAgent, but that firm is hardly the only entity to have concluded that the most powerful forum for consumer seduction is not TV ads or billboards but rather the conversations we have in our everyday lives. The thinking is that in a media universe that keeps fracturing into ever-finer segments, consumers are harder and harder to reach; some can use TiVo to block out ads or the TV's remote control to click away from them, and the rest are simply too saturated with brand messages to absorb another pitch. So corporations frustrated at the apparent limits of ''traditional'' marketing are increasingly open to word-of-mouth marketing. One result is a growing number of marketers organizing veritable armies of hired ''trendsetters'' or ''influencers'' or ''street teams'' to execute ''seeding programs,'' ''viral marketing,'' ''guerrilla marketing.'' What were once fringe tactics are now increasingly mainstream; there is even a Word of Mouth Marketing Association.

Remember good 'ol Gen X and how we were all supposed to be too smart and cynical to fall for this kind of shit? Well, as we all know, that sellout train left the station years ago, but just look at this.

The endless chatter of American consumer life that BzzAgent has infiltrated is not simply a formless cacophony; it has its structures and hierarchies, which have been studied exhaustively for decades. Tremor, the Procter & Gamble word-of-mouth unit, which also does work for a variety of non-P.&G. clients, was founded four years ago with those structures in mind. A key Tremor premise is that the most effective way for a message to travel is through networks of real people communicating directly with one another. ''We set out to see if we could do that in some systematic way,'' Steve Knox, Tremor's C.E.O., said recently. He added a second, closely related premise: ''There is a group of people who are responsible for all word of mouth in the marketplace.'' In other words, some friends are more influential than others, and those are the ones who are chosen to join Tremor.

Who are they? Check out the word-of-mouth industry's favorite graph. The graph is meant to show the pattern by which ideas or products or behaviors are adopted, and it looks like a hill: on the left are the early adopters; then the trend-spreaders; the mainstream population is the big bulge in the middle; then come the laggards, represented by the right-hand slope. This is not new stuff -- Knox himself cites research from the 1930's, as well as the 1962 academic book ''Diffusion of Innovation,'' by Everett Rogers -- but it has become extremely popular over the past five years or so. Seth Godin, who wrote ''Permission Marketing,'' ''Unleashing the Ideavirus'' and other popular marketing books (and whose ideas partly inspired BzzAgent), uses it, as do dozens of other marketing experts. Malcolm Gladwell's ''Tipping Point'' made an argument about these ideas that was simultaneously more textured and easier to digest than most of what had come before (or since), and it became a best seller. But whatever the intentions and caveats of the various approaches to the subject, the most typical response to the graph is to zero in on the segment that forms the bridge over which certain ideas or products travel into the mainstream -- influentials, trend-translators, connectors, alphas, hubs, sneezers, bees, etc. Let's just call them Magic People.

Knox said that Tremor's approach to finding the Magic People is intensively researched. The company tries to isolate the psychological characteristics of the subset of influential teenagers, and has developed a screening process to identify them. The details of this are a secret, but as an example, Knox noted that most teenagers have 25 or 30 names on their instant-messaging ''buddy list,'' whereas a Tremor member might have 150. Tremor recruits volunteers mostly through online advertisements and accepts only 10 or 15 percent of those who apply. The important thing, Knox said, is they are the right kind of kids -- the connected, influential trend-spreading kind. Knox mentioned a focus group of Tremor kids in Los Angeles, where several teenagers showed up with business cards. Magic.

How do you like being a bunch of sheep who do and think and buy whatever the "magic people" tell you? I hope you assholes are proud of yourselves.
Look, you know it's evil shit when you see the obligatory meaningless marketing "verb" rear its souless head.

Finally, while BzzAgent tells its volunteers that they are under no obligation to hide their association with the company and its campaigns, the reality is that most of them do hide it most of the time. They don't tell the people they are ''bzzing,'' that they really found out about the sausage, or the perfume, or the shoes, or the book, from some company in Boston that charges six-figure fees to corporations. ''It just seems more natural, when I talk about something, if people don't think I'm trying to push a product,'' Karen Bollaert explained to me.

Why why why, Ricky, did you have to link to this and ruin my night? Here is some additional commentary I would like to add:

Geez God what the fuck oh my god really? Really? What what what!! Aww geez I can't believe the.. ohhhh man!! Fuck fuck fuck!!!

Monday Night Sports Page

So I'm sitting here with my back to the Cowboys vs Seahawks MNF yawner trying to keep my mind off of the daunting work with which I have been charged this evening but have yet to begin. It's best if you don't ask why this is so, but just know that right now, I am supposed to be writing a review of latest Instant Christmas Classic, the movie adaptation of Chris Van Allsburg's The Polar Express starring the voice of Tom Hanks and many many snowy pixels. That's about as far as I've gotten having not, in fact, seen the film myself. But whatever, I'm sure it involves some kid embroiled in some sappily sad circumstance who is magically restored to his proper state of happy brattery when he learns the "true meaning of Christmas" or some such bullshit. The basic premise behind my going forward with this project is that one does not have to actually witness a thing with his own eyes in order to know that it sucks.
Take, for example, Sunday's not so contentious contest between the Carolina Panthers and your hometown high school Saints from New Orleans High School. The game was blacked out locally and, regular readers will note, I did not attend the game. But did it suck? Um.. yeah it..it kind of sucked. What I wouldn't give for an audio clip of Saints radio analyst Hokie Gajan's on air mock celebration when the Saints finally gained a first down.. sometime in the second quarter. It was a classic moment and really all you need to know about this game or this season. The speculation is already underway about possible coaching replacements. I agree mostly with what Ricky says here. Anyone who thinks the Saints have even a remote chance of getting a hold of Saban has to be chemically altered mentally. Not that I know anything about John DeShazier's habbits that shouldn't be made public. If I remember correctly, it was DeShazier who lobbied hard for the Saints to draft Michael Clayton in the spring. Would have been a nice move, if he had been available. As for Haslett, well, I prefer the management style of so called "players' coaches" to jackass drill sargeant disciplinarians. I think adult employees of any business ought to be treated like adults. So, in this regard, I am dissappointed to see him fail. I think that if you do take the nice guy approach to leadership, it is possible to maintain focus if you remember to hold people responsible for behaving as the adults you have assumed them to be. It's okay if guys want to listen to music in the locker room, or play cards, or dress casual on the plane, or joke around during practice. But when your first round draft pick ditches a pre-game meeting to check out the buffet in the press box, or when your starting quarterback, even if he is a literacy advocate, refuses to throw a hail mary pass at the end of the half because it might mess up his stats, well that stuff is out of line and those people need to be held accountable. Unfortunately Haslett let too much of this stuff slide, and ended up losing his team's attention as a result.
For now, Haslett has four more games to lose before Benson gets yet another chance to clean house and start over. Given Benson's track record, I'm sure you'll pardon me for being less than optimistic.
Meanwhile, I'm tired of this losing shit. Thank god it's basketball season, eh? Oh. Oh good christ!

Oh yeah, just like the way Blogger spellcheck rejects the word blog.

Atrios has one of those little ironies that hack sit-com writers seem to salivate over.

Christmas Shopping?

Hey look, it's the Publishers Weekly Book of the Year. Hint? what hint?

Puzzle

Now that eight US soldiers have filed suit over the Army's "stop loss" policy, I'm beginning to wonder out loud to myself how much longer we can stay in Iraq, without a draft. A few months ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to say, that we'd be shipping out the conscripts by March. Already, the judiciary is working to meet our needs through creative sentencing. But a few weeks back, I came across this story where we find various neo-cons and PNAC types calling for a pull out by next year. What is going on? No, really, I'm asking you. One thing they might be thinking is, let's get these elections held so that a newly "legitimate" Iraqi government can ask the UN for help with security. Seems like a weak idea to me but I'm just looking for explanations. Certainly a US pullout now will only expedite the decline into civil war which may be happening already anyway. Any ideas?

Drunken Rants Department

The following was meant for Oyster's comments section but unsurprisingly I went on and on a bit much for Haloscan's liking. If you live in New Orleans you really ought to include RHT in your daily reading list. Oh, wait, you already do. Here is the relevant post. Here is the comment to which I refer.
Also.. yep pretty drunk so.. you know.. whatever.

I have to agree with the previous comment. I am highly suspicious of the degree to which the rest of the country, and particularly Hollywood, "gets" Louisiana and its peculiar half-tragic uniqueness. The two books which come closest to capturing it for me are (nonfiction) A.J. Leibling's Earl of Louisiana and (the excellent novel) A Confederacy of Dunces by, I'm sure all of your readers know, John Kennedy Toole. "All the King's Men" is, for my taste, not representative of what Huey Long really meant for the poorest denizens in the poorest of the states during the most desperate of times. Long wrested Louisiana from the grips of the recently "redeemed" planter class and singlehandedly lifted it out of the mud. His extreme methods and the arguably less than democratic system they left in place paved the way for the corrupt abuses of his successors, but Long himself was a necessary and to this day misunderstood antidote to the miserable patriarchy which preceeded him. I recommend, unsurprisingly, T. Harry Williams's biography of Huey for a comprehensive look at Long's career and the Louisiana of his time. I certainly do not trust the filmakers to be sympathetic to our uniquely progressive heritage.. although we seem to be in the throes of a collective amnesia ourselves these days.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

I missed GBV on Conan last night. Still pissed that they aren't taking the farewell tour to NO. But I guess that is this and so forth and right on.

We know where the real news is made

Currently I am reading Gore Vidal's Empire. (I'm lazily making my way through all of his "American Chronicle" series.) Central to the plot of this one is the practice of "yellow journalism" of the sort practiced by William Randolph Hearst, who was kind of the Murdoch of his day. In one scene, Vidal describes Hearst on the floor of the editing room finding the most gruesome murder/rape story from the back pages and slowly rearranging the paper several times until he is satisfied. In the final result, the murder dominates the front page. One of the novel's protagonists gets into the newspaper business herself and, using Hearst's techniques, quickly improves her paper's circulation.
In much the same spirit, I am linking to today's revelation that San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds testified that he "unknowingly" took steroids in 2003. A few months back, I posted a pictorial comparison of Bonds in his early pre-cheating days to Bonds in his bloated phase. Ever since then, this site has been besieged with hits from people looking for "Barry Bonds image" or "Barry Bonds homerun ball." Today, I assume as a result of the news, I have been pounded with this genre of search term. It is basically to me what the crime news was to Hearst. So why fight it? Let's just give the folks what they're looking for. Barry Bonds: what a boob!

More Outrage

Second verse same as the first. More thuggery from our boys overseas. Super job, Rummy!

Chemical weapons found in Iraq

Except that it's apparently just us using banned weapons in Fallujah.

Fifteen years ago in Halabja - at a time when Washington was an enthusiastic supplier of chemical weapons to Saddam Hussein - thousands of Kurds were gassed. Even the US Central Intelligence Agency has disputed Saddam's responsibility, blaming Iranians instead. Assuming Saddam did it, and did it deliberately, the US may have done the same thing in Fallujah. As Asia Times Online has reported, Fallujah doctors have identified either swollen and yellowish corpses without any injuries, or "melted bodies" - victims of napalm, the terrifying cocktail of polystyrene and jet fuel. Our sources confirm testimonies by residents who managed to escape the Jolan neighborhood of bombing by "poisonous gases". A resident called Abu Sabah told of "weird bombs that smoke like a mushroom cloud ... and then small pieces fall from the air with long tails of smoke behind them. The pieces of these strange bombs explode into large fires that burn the skin even when you throw water over them". This is exactly what happens to people bombed with napalm or white phosphorus. The UN banned the bombing of civilians with napalm in 1980. The US is the only country in the world still using napalm.

I am disgusted and other than stating that there isn't really a word to describe the state of constant exasperation I find myself in these days, I can't really add anything to what Michael has to say about it

...even if the UN HADN'T banned napalm and white phosphorus bombs, they're still a pretty despicable thing to drop on a population you're supposedly "liberating." Liberating them from what? Their skin?

Michael has been posting busily today. You should really go read his site.

Today's T-P bad writing sample

Peter Finney, or the person responsible for writing his headline for him, with the full approval of his editor fearlessly describes a contest as "contentious."

First, we kill all the lawyers

Oh it's a fun day in New Orleans. In what amounts to quite a two-fer we've had one assistant district attorney fired for extortion and a city attorney arrested (for the second time) for rape. Add another thing to Rudolph's list, I guess.

Fine, Daisy, I'll drive but they better have Diet Cherry Coke when we get there.

A Hawaiian contributor to This is Broken complains that 7-11's website store finder provides directions to slightly less convenient locations than he expected.

Happy World Aids Day

Don't feel like celebrating? Maybe this will get you in the spirit. The BBC reports that New York City's child welfare department has been testing dangerous experimental AIDS drugs on orphans.

via Cursor

Now... about that spell check thing

The term "blog" has been chosen as the top word of 2004 by a US dictionary publisher.
Merriam-Webster said "blog" headed the list of most looked-up terms on its site during the last twelve months.

--snip--

The word will now appear in the 2005 version of Merriam-Webster's printed dictionary.
However, the word is already included in some printed versions of the Oxford English Dictionary

link
Despite the fact that Blogger links to this story in its "Blogger news" section, the spell check function of its software continues to suggest "bloc" "bloch" "blows" and "bloke" in place of the word "blog."
Remarkable