It's that time

It's a few days before Christmas and we all know what that means.  Super Krewe Royalty announcements! This year the assemblage of has-been musicians, D-list celebs, and mid-level character actors begins with the Krewe of Bacchus who is proud to announce their 2018 King will be That One Guy From That Thing.

The krewe of Bacchus will mark its 50th anniversary in 2018 by welcoming Academy Award-winning actor J.K. Simmons, known for a string of successful film and TV roles including in the current film Justice League, as its celebrity monarch, the krewe announced Tuesday.

Simmons won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his role as a ruthless jazz instructor in the 2014 movie Whiplash. He won a Golden Globe award for the role and the film was nominated for the Best Picture Oscar as well.

He portrays Commisisioner James Gordon, Batman's ally in the current box office hit, and will soon appear in the movie Father Figures. He is also slated to star in the new espionage drama, Counterpart, premiering January 21 on Starz.

Actually, as Bacchuses go, that's not half bad.  Endymion got an early jump on this stuff in September by saying they'll have Rod Stewart  and Jason Derulo to at least play their party.  But we're still waiting to hear about the grand marshal.  I wonder if Matt Lauer is available.

Whoever it is, I hope you weren't planning to catch them on Canal Street this year. They're going to be a whole lot easier to miss.

Plans are underway to eliminate the Canal Street loop for Mardi Gras 2018.

The traditional Uptown parade route allows the parades to turn left on Canal Street and loop around to the French Quarter side before making a turn to Tchoupitoulas Street.

The city said the change will increase safety.

"I will be disappointed. I would love for the parades to continue to loop around,” Elfreda Brooks, who works downtown, said. "People that work in the evening would be able to see it if it would circle back around, so if it would end early you wouldn't get that advantage."

One parade organizer in New Orleans addressed his krewe's updated route.

"We will come down St. Charles to Canal. Instead of taking a left and going down and making a U-turn and come back, we will take a right, stay on the same side of Canal Street and just go down to Tchoupitoulas like we normally did, take a right and end on Tchoupitoulas and Poydras," said Jake Romano, the president of the Krewe of Pygmalion, about the change.

Going up the street and back for a few blocks is just too unsafe all of a sudden. Who knew?

Those mild crowds we were talking about

Yeah that changed yesterday.

Are we really that close to Carnival season?

I thought it was a late one this year.  Also is the guy who played House really enough of a has been D-lister yet to be Bacchus?

Hugh Laurie, who was announced as the super krewe's celebrity king, proclaimed his excitement on Twitter on Thursday.

"I am shirt-bustingly proud to announce that I have been offered the Throne of Bacchus in the next Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Be there!!" he posted to the social media site.

"My reign will be firm but benevolent. Peace and harmony will be upon the land, and the crops will thrive. Please don't get up," he said.

Bonus item: Two more Jefferson Parish parades cancel for 2014. The krewes blame new parade quality regulations but, as we've mentioned before, there's also the anti-suburbanization trend to consider.

The challenge for Thor was that its members tended to drift to New Orleans, Cantrell said. "It just got harder and harder to keep the membership interested in riding in a Metairie krewe," Cantrell said. "You can start a parade in New Orleans and the next year get 600 or 700 members who want the atmosphere of St. Charles" Avenue."

Indeed, the allure of the Uptown parade route was cited by the krewes of Alla and Choctaw for their moves from the West Bank to St. Charles Avenue.

What's being lost here, though, is the idea that a parade is a neighborhood event.  We've already decided to just jam all the Orleans Parish parades down St. Charles Avenue. Now we're even doing that with the suburban krewes.

The proponents of Jefferson's new ordinance say they're opting for "quality over quantity" in their now reduced parade schedule.  If I were Hugh Laurie-esque benevolent ruler of all Carnival, my decree would be that we aim for just the opposite.  Not every happening during the season needs to be a super-krewe.

What if, instead, there were more varied events; 'tit-Rexes and Chewbacchuses and the like in different parts of the city?  Better to have many smaller parades that roll through and enliven various neighborhoods than a limited number of standardized and marginally distinguishable parades along one heavily touristed route.

Update: Multiple routes might come in pretty handy over the next few years anyway.

The crape myrtle trees were the first to go. The king of Carnival could be next.

As part of a plan to improve drainage in Uptown New Orleans, workers this week began cutting down more than two dozen trees along a 10-block stretch of the Napoleon Avenue neutral ground.

The three-year construction project also may result in the rerouting of several Carnival parades in 2015 and 2016, a Police Department spokesman said Thursday.

Eh, they've done worse

Bacchus chooses this year to go with a still mostly relevant celebrity monarch as opposed to most years when they dig deep into the D-lists of the 70s and 80s. At this point, though, it's the least Farrell can do since the movie he's shooting had Tracey's shut down earlier this week when I really wanted a roast beef.

Pompey's Triumph

Plutarch:

Pompey, it is said, to gall and vex them the more, designed to have his triumphant chariot drawn with four elephants, (having brought over several which belonged to the African kings,) but the gates of the city being too narrow, he was forced to desist from that project, and be content with horses

Okay it really wasn't like that at all, butI imagine something comparable could have looked like this.



As the photo below clearly demonstrates, the conquering general decided to go with horses instead of elephants for his triumphal Bacchanalia. Worked out pretty well.


Photo by David Grunfeld, Times-Picayune

There were also commemorative coins struck with the general's likeness for the occasion. We managed to barter a few off of the citizens in attendance. Photo to be added later.