The Tom Benson legal and medical full employment program

So here's a joke. How many doctors and lawyers does it take to make sure Tom Benson's light bulb is screwed in all the way?

Um.. well it's a lot.

Three different physicians will evaluate Tom Benson’s mental health to see if he is still fit to make business decisions about the Saints, Pelicans and other assets in his business empire, a judge ordered Tuesday.

Benson, feuding with the relatives he has decided to cut out of his succession plans, was resisting the idea of an independent evaluation. He said he was willing to meet privately with Civil District Court Judge Kern Reese, but he argued that a psychiatric exam was too intrusive.

Of course Team Rita wanted to have Benson's brain dissected and checked by a team of specialists for post-concussion syndrome or something like that.  Benson's people preferred the test be limited to a brief recitation of the 5 times table. So they reached a compromise of sorts.

Reese did reject the particular evaluation called for by psychiatrist Ted Bloch III, who was proposed by Benson’s estranged relatives. The judge said that exam would be too invasive — it involved performing extensive questioning, blood work and neuropsychological testing over the course of several days.

Instead, Reese said that Benson would undergo a standard exam used in these types of cases. Bloch and two other physicians — one chosen by Benson’s lawyers and another chosen jointly by that doctor and Bloch — will have until March 13 to complete their reports. The three-physician team must be assembled by Feb. 25, Reese said.

What they're going to do is put Benson to a series of problems and see how he scores.

He might, for example, be asked to measure the volume of liquid contained in a small draft beer at the Smoothie King Center and then subtract that amount from the volume in a large size.  (The answer will surprise you!)

Another question available to the evaluators involves Benson's understanding of Vatican protocol.

There's also a reflex test where the doctor plays the Superdome third down siren and, if Benson flinches at all, he's already doing better than the Saints' defense.

For Benson's sake, I hope there isn't a written portion on the test. He'll have a hard time getting his Apple IIc or whatever he used to type this letter in the exam room.

Anyway, we're headed into the heavy duty half of parade season and I'm riding Sunday so I decided this year I would make some specialty throws.



See they're reversible, just like Benson's estate.  But either way you choose to wear them, they're sure to be a weight around everyone's neck.