Obviously the first question is, how does an alligator even end up with a drilling permit in the first place? Is it because of some obscure exemption to the moratorium? Is he operating on behalf of Anadarko? Isn't this really a job for Clovis Crawfish anyway? We know Jenny Giraffe would be a total disaster and I'm pretty sure Epossumundas is some sort of eco-hippie. But at least Clovis would probably know how and where to dig a hole. Right? Of course the most likely explanation is that MMS isn't very good at distinguishing Gaston from any of the other reptiles they regularly do business with. Or maybe they thought it was David Vitter.
Anyway, you go to drill with the cartoon animal you have, I guess. And if you can't find a good geologist anywhere, the crabs always are good for a tip or two as we learn on the very first page. (Italics appear in the original. The Gaston books typically include a glossary of italicized terms at the end.)
Gaston the green-nosed alligator kept his money in a box in the bank of the Atchafalaya River. A friendly crab told him of a promising fault a few miles offshore. Gaston decided to invest his savings in an offshore drilling operation.
So Gaston chooses a rig, hires some guys, and soon the spudding can begin on his well. Things move along in a boring-to-children-terminology heavy but still strangely uninformative way for a few pages. Gaston very much enjoys playing cards with his crew and sampling the galley food. And then.. Drama!
A strong wind turned into a storm. They had to shut down and secure the rig. A rumble from below indicated oil rising in the bore hole. There was danger of a blowout. Gaston sent all of the crew except for one to the safety capsule. Gaston and the husky roughneck strained to close the heavy valve that would prevent the blowout. The computer was down and could not do the automatic shut-down.
The storm blew over. Gaston dived into the water to place a wet Christmas tree over the well. This would hold back the oil until the pipeline could be connected to the oil-producing equipment.
I guess we'll have to reexamine our doubts about Gaston's drilling permit. For one thing, it was smart of Gaston to pre-stage most of his crew in the safety capsule. From what I understand the Deepwater Horizon was equipped with many of these safety capsules (here's what they look like). But, as we all know, not everybody was able to make it to one during the emergency.
Also, one can't help but be impressed with the fact that, even though, "the computer was down", Gaston and one "husky roughneck" alone managed to accomplish in moments what the industry's leading engineers armed with the most sophisticated equipment, robotics, and... um... old tires and golf balls and shit could not do for months this summer.
Finally, Gaston swims waaay down to the ocean floor and installs the heavy and complex Christmas tree array of valves and steel on top of the wellhead all by his own self. The illustration depicts Gaston doing this as he reclines backward in the water while caressing a starfish in one hand. How's that for an"ultimate shutdown" BP? Does Gaston know anything about coastal restoration? There's a lot of work to be done and we sure could use someone with that kind of talent to...
Gaston was happy to have struck oil. He returned with the crew boat to get pipe. Gaston, now the richest alligator in Louisiana, was glad to be home again.
Oh. I see then. Guess even alligators know when it's a good time to vanish.
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