Fletcher Mackel's continuing one-man crusade to ruin all sports in NOLA

I know I said I was going to stop reading these but earlier this evening, Fletcher released his latest 2-year scheme to trade every Hornet more or less for the fun of it. Seriously, he does this every week or so. This time I was going to let it slide since the Hornets really are pretty much done for the season and will likely continue looking for ways to dump salary. (Not crazy Fletcheresque ways like giving away Darren Collison and David West, mind you, but, yes, they'll make some moves at some point.)

Anyway, like I said, I was gonna let that go but then I just happened to glance at the Tweeter Tube a while later and found this.

Jake delhomme will be released by panthers. Saints should sign him to replace brunell and be bress backup! Asap!

Wait. What? Jake freaking Delhomme? To the Saints? "Asap!", even? Are you.... I.. what?

Look, Fletcher, I can relate. I really can. Here's something I haven't told a lot of people. When I was a young lad, back before the internets were piped into the house, and while the golden age of sports video games was still a few years away, my parents bought me a copy of Statis Pro Basketball.



You see it was this board game that allowed you to recreate professional basketball games based on player statistics and their relationship to the probability of various dice rolls. If a particular 12 or 13 year old boy had the requisite patience, time, and geekiness, I suppose, this particular individual could not only recreate a couple of games, but could, in fact, reshuffle the deck of cards and create his own league where he could say recreate an entire season's worth (or more) of these games. He could even, maybe, record the standings and statistics from these imaginary basketball games in a notebook that he might, in fact, still have laying around in a box somewhere.* One thing this kid would definitely do a lot of is ponder and execute a ton of imaginary trades among these imaginary teams of his in order to make the imaginary season all the more compelling.

And, yeah, that would be a lot of fun for that kid. But, Fletcher, although one of us is maybe a little baby-faced, neither of us is 13 anymore. None of this imaginary shit is going to happen, much of it probably shouldn't happen, and most of it is actually pretty annoying to even contemplate. Let's leave it be, okay?


*Side notes: Yeah so maybe Statis Pro was a little weird but, like I said, I was 13. Some people I know still think it's okay to play Dungeons and Dragons well into their 30s. (It is, in fact, never okay to play Dungeons and Dragons)

A few years ago, I learned that Jack Kerouac managed and recorded the results of entire baseball seasons which he played in his own imagination. I figure that adds at least something to the coolness quotient of Statis Pro sports.

Also, yes of course there was also Statis Pro Baseball. Yes, of course, I still have that notebook too.