Why did Frankenstein cross the road?

He didn't. That was the chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from Frankenstein. Ha! ha!

Do ghosts have steady jobs?

No, they have to eek out a living. Ha!

What's a monster's favorite bedtime story?

"Sleeping Ugly" Ha!

Why does Dracula wear a cape?

His Hawaiian shirt is at the cleaners. Ha!

Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

To stop his coffin. Ha!

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It's a pain in the neck. Ha!

Throw 'em out Tuesday

The cheating bastards.

Nevada: Dan Burdish, former director of the state's Republican Party, filed a complaint to remove 17,000 voters from the rolls because they had failed to file a change of address card. State law doesn't require it and, in fact, allows you to vote after moving. When asked why he did it Burdish told the press, "I am looking to take Democrats off the voter rolls."

Florida: Senior citizens in Democratic precincts are calling their election boards by the hundreds reporting that strangers claiming to be from the elections office are offering to "hand deliver" their absentee ballots for them, even though there is no such program.

Wyoming: Secretary of State Joseph Meyer interpreted the statutes there to outlaw voter registration drives, like the kind where a group sets up a card table at a mall or library. One of Meyer's oldest friends, a classmate in both high school and college, is Dick Cheney.

Philadelphia: Three weeks before the election, a white Republican alderman named Matt Robb requested that 63 polling stations in African American neighborhoods be relocated, thereby making it more confusing for 37,000 Democrat leaning voters.

Florida: Once again, as in the 2000 election, the state compiled a list of felons to be barred from voting. Throughout this election year, Governor Jeb Bush's administration struggled to keep this list secret. After a lawsuit forced it into the open, people quickly saw that, while some 23,000 Democrat leaning black felons were barred from voting, almost the same number of hispanic felons in Florida, who tend to vote Republican, were somehow not on the list.

Ohio: Secretary of State Ken Blackwell has ruled that anyone showing up in the wrong precinct will not be able to vote there, even by provisional ballot. Immediately afterward, people begain to report odd phone calls telling voters that their voting place had changed, sending them to the wrong precinct.

Arizona: Students at Arizona State University were told by a reporter at Fox News and the Republican county vote registrar that registering students was a federal crime unless students planned to stay in Arizona "indefinitely" after graduation. The Supreme Court of the United States long ago ruled otherwise.

link
via Atrios

Throw 'em out Tuesday

Bunch of incompetent failures.

Throw 'em out Tuesday

Bunch of rotten thieves.

WASHINGTON — U.S. Army Corps of Engineers commanders awarded a lucrative contract extension to Halliburton Co. this month by circumventing the organization's top contracting officer, who had objected to the proposal, according to documents obtained by the Los Angeles Times.

Bunnatine Greenhouse, the Corps of Engineers' chief contracting officer, questioned a decision by commanders to award a contract extension to Halliburton, the oil services company run by Dick Cheney until he became vice president, without the competitive bidding designed to protect U.S. taxpayers.

link
via cursor

Throw 'em out Tuesday

Bunch of creepy fascists.

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla.—"I want you to stand, raise your right hands," and recite "the Bush Pledge," said Florida state Sen. Ken Pruitt. The assembled mass of about 2,000 in this Treasure Coast town about an hour north of West Palm Beach dutifully rose, arms aloft, and repeated after Pruitt: "I care about freedom and liberty. I care about my family. I care about my country. Because I care, I promise to work hard to re-elect, re-elect George W. Bush as president of the United States."

link

1918 2004!!

Really, guys, I... I don't know what to think. Surprisingly, emotions are mixed. To begin with, I wasn't too sure about getting out of bed at all this morning. If there was a world left to step into, surely a world in which the Boston Red Sox are World Champions is liable to be filled with strange new conventions. What if everyone was suddenly driving on the left side, or the official language turned out to be Esperanto, or the landlord actually fixed my ceiling? I don't think I could deal.
Luckily none of these things happened. Still the Sox did win. And I don't know what it means. It might mean it will be fun to hear the new "Year 2000" taunt the next time the Yankees come to Fenway. It might mean that now that we have shown one way to break a curse is to break some kid's teeth, is any smile safe in Chicago? In New Orleans? It might mean that Red Sox fans and players past and present are relieved of a special burden that had come to define their existence begging the question, who exactly are we now? One thing it does mean for certain is change. As a personal principle I absolutely loathe change. Perhaps this is why I am so apprehensive. Let's try and enjoy it.. and hope that that other shoe is not still suspended threateningly over our unsuspecting heads.

Those basking in the warm glow of the apocalypse today:

• Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy


• ESPN's Bill Simmons


• Aaron


• Erica


• Rudolph

We Conjure Ghosts and then We Feed Them

And if it all goes well we'll laugh a lot.
And then take photographs.

That's right. Here they are, kids, real library action photos from this morning's Halloween party. We got a hold of some preschoolers, we bored the hell out of them took their picture and stuffed them full of cookies. Really just an excuse for me to break out the seasonally festive neckwear. It's our job. It's what we do. (Click photos to enlarge... if you must)

After putting up with Daisy's presentation of Go Away Big Green Monster! the poor kids and I brandish our lollipop ghosts and cry for release from the bland horror that is this morning's Halloween party. 

Hapless captive audience endures a session of soul crushing condescension at the hands of Ms Daisy and Yours Truly.  

Good Morning, World.

Here's what's going on:

• Sox are up 3-0 and Menino is already planning a freaking parade. Lord have mercy on us.



• Wimblehack Round 4 is up now. Go. Read.



• Irene is rapturously recapping last night's episode of According to Jim much to everyone's delight.



• Today I have to plan a Halloween party for approximately 40 children which is to take place tomorrow. The powers that be have granted me $72.00 for this purpose. (NOPL unofficial motto: on the cheap and at the last minute.) Actually it should be fine. We had the same situation last year and pulled it off quite nicely.



• October 27 and it's still damn hot outside. It's driving me nuts.

Just kill me

Why do they feel like they can just keep lowering the bar? Well because the assholes keep bending over backwards to eat their shit up that's why.
Way to go, guys. You never fail to amaze.

It just gets stupider and stupider

Don't look now but we may now have the "Love Story" story of the 2004 campaign.

Was Kerry there to see the Buckner Ball?

The world awaits the truth.

Ever feel like someone pushed the repeat button on your life?

Yesterday, the ceiling collapsed again and this morning, I found that my car had been broken into again. It's a Tercel, people... and I work at the freaking library! I could not possibly have anything in there of value. Also, you are welcome to the three bucks worth of ashtray change, but did you have to take the whole ashtay? Jeeez!

T-P cops out

Yesterday's Picayune carried this statement of non-preference in the Presidential race. I like Oyster's take except that it gives the T-P editors a little too much credit for free thinking. I'm more inclined to believe that this is a slick way of backing Bush while maintaining the appearance of credibility... not that I ever granted them much.

Monday Morning Sports Page

Real quick-like.

Whatever happens, the 2004 Red Sox are one of the guttiest, most fun teams in baseball history. For the second time in a week, Curt Schilling had his severed right foot reattatched with rubber bands and chewing gum and went out and won a big game. That's just nuts. Um... don't throw stuff at me for saying so but the '86 team won the first two games as well....

Whooo this was a close one. Questions: The Tigers couldn't run the ball against Troy St. What the hell? Couldn't Troy St. come up with a less boring nickname than the "Trojans"? And with the World Series on, did anybody care about this game?

Finally, look a really bad football team beat a really really bad football team! This excitement, of course, brought to you in part by our favorite literacy advocate.

Bike Routes on the Ballot

Some sort of election thingy happening Nov 2. Who knew? The Picayune this morning has a nice bit on a $260 million bond proposal before New Orleans voters for a large scale capital improvements program. Included in the plan is $4 million for designing and marking new bicycle routes throughout the city. Anyone who lives and works in New Orleans can see the utility of such a project. As the article points out, nearly 30 percent of New Orleans residents do not own cars and rely on either our rather poor public transit system or their own two feet for their commute. New Orleans is a fairly compact urban center with limited downtown parking which makes bicycling an attractive transportation alternative for many residents. When I worked in the French Quarter, my bike was my best friend. Even now, it is my preferred way about town on weekends. Unfortunately, as this Gambit article points out, the city's traffic plan and its um.. eccentric... drivers are less than hospitable to cyclists. The projects in this bond issue are a nice step toward rectifying some of these issues.
I should also point out that while acknowledging the necessity of many of the improvements laid out in this program, the Bureau of Governmental Research has raised questions about the structure of the bond issue which you can read about here. Also details of the allocation of these funds (a part of which are set aside for libraries, I should mention) are available in PDF form from the city's website.

Damn ceiling caved in again

Always on Sundays, it seems. I hate everything.

It's a GSUSy weekend

This weekend I finally got around to finishing Christopher Moore’s Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. Not surprisingly it put me in the mood to complete the theme by renting Monty Python’s Life of Brian. The novel and the film carry a number of similarities. While the objective of each is obviously silliness, neither is without a certain degree of reverence for and nuanced understanding of the weight of human events which they chronicle.
Levi who is called Biff, lifelong friend, bodyguard and disciple to Jesus of Nazareth (whose Hebrew name translates closer to Joshua as Moore refers to him in the novel), has been raised from the dead by the Angel Raziel and brought to a hotel room in St. Louis, MO where he is to write his version of Christ’s time on Earth. Due to certain transgressions of his, Biff’s story had been written out of the established Gospels. His side of things conveniently helps to fill us in on the lost years of Jesus’ childhood and early adult years during which Biff and Joshua travel the known world in search of the three wise men who they believe will help a somewhat unsure Messiah learn the true meaning of his destiny. The journey takes the pair to Afghanistan, China, and to India. Along the way they study Yoga, Zen, and Kung-Fu, as well as befriend a Yeti. The boys eventually return to Judea and begin Joshua’s ministry. This story is familiar enough, but without Biff’s help we may not have known as much about John’s homosexuality or Thomas’s imaginary friend, or Biff and Joshua’s rivalry for the affections of Mary Magdalene. Moore’s style owes much to the aforementioned Pythons as well as to Doulglas Adams. His absurdist humor works best in his rendering of dialogue. Particular highlights that come to mind are Biff’s speculation about a possible eleventh commandment as well as the scene in which Joshua and Biff are collaborating over the beatitudes and Biff has to talk Josh out of including a “Blessed are the dumbfucks, for they shall receive a fruit basket.” While these moments are put the book down and laugh for twenty minutes funny, the gags don’t come as fast or as often as in, for example, Adams’ work. Also, there are bits that, although they seem like good ideas really just don’t work. I’m thinking of an homage to the movie Harvey (great movie by the way) which, while I can see why Moore wanted it, I can also see why an editor should have talked him out of it.
Not only does Moore channel a certain sensibility from the Pythons, he also borrows a couple of their gags. In Lamb, as well as in Brian, recently healed lame, blind, or leprous beggars complain that these miracles have deprived them of their livelihood. Also the film, like the novel, has a bit of fun with the Sermon on the Mount. “Oh he said the Meek! Blessed are the meek. That’s nice, good to see they’re finally getting something.” Life of Brian also includes some of the best satire on political factionalism ever produced as the revolutionary People’s Front of Judea seems more preoccupied with their resentment of the rival group the Judean People’s Front than they are with the ousting the Romans from Judea. Silliness is also in abundant evidence here what with Pilate’s speech impediment, the miracle of the juniper bushes, and a scene in which Brian angers a centurion, not because of the anti roman nature of the graffiti he had been caught painting but because he has failed to properly conjugate his Latin verbs. That and, of course, the closing musical number is one of the great moments in the history of cinema.
But that’s quite enough of me droning on isn’t it? If you’d like to learn more about Christianity, and some of you may have to once the Series is over, neither of these is particularly.. um.. instructive. Then again, you sure do learn a lot more than you do from Passion of the Christ.

Note, strictly for Daisy’s benefit: I was overjoyed to find that Lamb included not only a reference to carnuba wax, but also speculation upon the possibility of pluralizing the word mongoose as “mongeese,” Nutty, huh?

Me and my 9/10 mentality

It's time to stretch in NLCS Game 7 and all I can think is, "Take me out to the Ball Game" was such a great song. Remember that one? Can we bring it back please? Someone tell Kerry that I'd even be willing to keep the stupid color coded alert system if it means he'll promise to bring back "Take me out to the Ball Game." I'm actually begging here.

Ok so...

Some genuinely concerned, if misguided, Brits who happen to read a slightly left of center newspaper take it upon themselves to share their concerns with voters in Ohio and it is an outrage. Meanwhile, the President picks up the endorsement of a former KGB hitman turned strongman mafia boss dictator of Russia and another one from a member of the "Axis of Evil" and that's all fine and dandy right? Right?

Fun Stuff

Site of the day: New CNN game. Pick the states, win a TV.

Sight of the day: This fool. Pretty much says it.

Site of the day

Via atrios, which means you have seen it already.

Enjoy the Draft

Go Sox

Just cuz

Fellow Employee Associate Contemporaries

So far today, my fellow staff members whose job descriptions, paychecks, and work experience vary very little from mine have asked me to intercede for them with patrons who wished to:

• Save a file to a disk



• Rename a saved file in Windows



• Print a document

Friendly Reminder

For those of you who still have not seen this. If you are a political junkie, a news hound, or just a fan of really really mean criticism you are going to love Wimblehack, the absolute highlight of the campaign season. Round 3 here.

I am too geeked up today to think about anything

Anything besides Game 7. A couple of weeks ago, a patron donated a huge box full of baseball cards to the library. (People give us weird stuff all the time.) If Boston wins tonight, I'm going to use them to create a giant Sox shrine on the bulletin board in the children's room. We are open until 8 PM today, and I am on the closing shift which means I have to miss.. well about half an inning in AL time but that's bad enough. A few quick things about last night:

• Yankee fans, something is wrong with you. Sure two big calls went against you, but they were the correct calls. You have no beef. Please stop throwing things at us.


• Interesting to learn that NYPD was ready to go with a full riot squad last night. You don't know how much I was hoping for one of the stormtroopers to interfere with a ball in play. That would have been fun.


• Just look at this.

  With the help of the Boston team doctors, Schilling underwent a unique suturing process on Monday in which the skin around the dislocated tendon was cut and stitched tighter.
  
  Schilling eschewed any thoughts of using a specially-designed shoe, claiming it made the situation worse. The doctors brainstormed and came up with the makeshift surgery, not knowing how their man would respond, and Schilling took the Yankee Stadium hill with his regular cleats.
  
  Schilling strode to the mound in the middle of cold October drizzle, with wind howling and 55,000 fans sharing their special Bronx version of disapproval at particularly high decibels.
  
  His sutured ankle bled slightly, tinting his sock red as he threw the first pitch to Derek Jeter. But he retired Jeter and went on to pitch one of the best games of his career.

  I really hope I'm the first to point this out (somehow I doubt it though) but the man actually had red sox. I'm just sayin'.


• Fox graphic about Red Sox World Series history prompts the following actual conversation:
  
  Consuela: Oh so they've been in the World Series before.
  
  Me: Yes but they haven't won since 1918 and they always lose in horrible awful heartbreaking ways and..
  
  Consuela: But I thought this was supposed to be a big deal. But they really aren't that bad. They've made it to the World Series. Why is this important?
  
  Me: Well... um .. it's the Yankees and they are evil and they always beat us in horrible ways and crush dreams and eat babies and stuff.
  
  Consuela: But they have beaten them. They've been in the World Series.
  
  Me: Well.. no it's... This is important ok?
  
  Consuela: Whatever

So here we go. After coming back from 0-3 the Sox have found another way to set us up for a perfect heartache. The universe is back in balance. I can hardly look.

Tuesday Afternoon Sports Page

• Ortiz !
  The Sox are not going out like punks! No no that wouldn't be right for their idiom. They must fuck up more.... dramatically. Last night's game was so long that even though I was forced to leave the house in the 10th inning in order to accompany Daisy to Auto Zone, I still managed to be in front of a TV in time to see the end. After back to back extra inning games, the pitching staff is totally demolished. We're praying for rain tonight.


• Time to say it. The Saints are the worst team in the NFL. One more week to go until the bye. Will Tom Benson find time during his wedding to start firing people? Stay tuned.


• Quote of the week: Saints worthless safety, Tebucky Jones, is so convinced that his roughing the passer penalty which set up one of the Vikings many touchdowns Sunday night was a missed call that he is considering legal action if the league fines him. "Once you get that penalty, they'll fine you," he said. "If they do, I'm going to bring it to the courts. Not the NFL court, the higher courts."

Note: Once again, I was regretfully unable to attend Sunday's Saints home game.

Irene again

"When they put something into paperback, then I can't remember if I read it or not."

Library Follies

Day's highlights so far:

1) Daisy, for the second time now, commits a huge blogging no no and forgets to sign out of blogger before abandoning her work station. Hilarity ensues.

2) Ms. Bling Bling left her po-boy in the toaster oven a little too long prompting this absolutely not ironic comment from Irene, "You know they say that charcoal is good for cleaning out the stomach."

Really really bad ideas department

Well who didn't see this coming really? Oh that's right, I guess the Guardian editorial staff was that clueless.

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A pro-Kerry letter-writing campaign by Britain's left-leaning Guardian newspaper, targeting undecided U.S. voters, has provoked outrage across the Atlantic.

Library Story of the Day

Comes from Daisy. This actually happened today. I know. I was there. This is an especially notable event because now I can say that during my tenure at NOPL, our patrons have both pissed and shat upon us. Literally.

Rebuilding Iraq

You see, it's an economic stimulus program that works like this. First, Shiite militants bring us their old guns for which we give them cash. Next, Shiite militants use the cash to buy newer, cleaner, more reliable guns. Thus inefficiencies are removed from the system and the economy is modernized.

Ok well one thing

Why does Pedro, whose previous lip flapping has brought down upon us this season's most annoying chant, now feel it necessary to give Yankee fans license to show up at Game 5 (should there be a Game 5) prepared to continue exhibiting their sad predictable obnoxiousness by hurling fruit onto the field?

Martinez, with 56,136 "Who's your Daddy?" taunting fans in his face, weathered the evening nicely. He also managed to keep the events of the night in perspective.

"I actually realized that I was somebody important, because I caught the attention of 60,000 people, plus [the media], plus the whole world watching," said Martinez. "If you reverse the time back 15 years ago, I was sitting under a mango tree without 50 cents to actually pay for a bus. And today, I was the center of attention of the whole city of New York."

Don't think it won't happen.

Freaking Yankees

Don't want to talk about it.

I've been looking for a short way of saying this

And here it is. I agree with Kos.

No more moderators. Let real people ask the questions.
This was billed as a debate on domestic issues. So where were the questions on:

Gas prices
Stem cell research
Energy policy
Transportation policy
Outsourcing
Environment

The second debate offered the best questions by far. That should be the norm.
Screw overpaid, self-important media blowhards.

Here's what I don't care about. 1) How much you fuckers love your fucking wives. 2) How much the moderator loves his fucking wife. 3) How much the President loves GSUS.

A few quick observations:

• Bush lies. Not only that but he lies stupidly about shit that is easily disproved.
• Kerry sucks at calling Bush on his lies. Here's a winning Kerry strategy. All he has to say is, "That's a croc of shit," press repeat and take the rest of the night off. Instead he drones on and emits mildly unoffensive utterances except for the parts where he says infuriating indefensible things like, "We need a guest worker program" or

  Outsourcing is going to happen.
  
  I've acknowledged that in union halls across the country. I've had shop stewards stand up and say, "Will you promise me you're going to stop all this outsourcing?"
  
  And I've looked them in the eye and I've said, "No, I can't do that."

But then again, he must know something I don't because it looks like the spin is, once again, going his way.

Setting the stage

For tonight's third and final Presidential debate, are today's and yesterday's Daily Howler installments on CBS's Bob Schieffer.

The person running tomorrow’s debate comes from Texas, just like Bush. In the past, he and Bush went to ball games together. He and Bush played golf together. He and Bush even took in spring training together! And not only that—his brother was Bush’s close business partner; later, Bush named him ambassador to Australia. And not only that—the moderator roots for people from his part of the country, and roots against those northeastern snobs! It’s hard to believe that a man as accomplished as Schieffer would say some of these silly things in public. But this is a partial profile of the “liberal journalist” who will be hosting Wednesday’s crucial debate.

Nice.

Wimblehack Round 2

If you haven't been following New York Press's championship tournament to determine America's worst campaign journalist, now's your chance to catch up on the action as we move to the round of eight.

Monday Evening Sports Page

It was another one of those horrific embarrassing episodes that press you into a search for the nearest inviting spot of sand in which to deposit your weathered weary head. Such crises are invariably followed by a quiet period of reckoning, usually, say, the following morning, where the once obscured glistening grains of hope begin to outshine the previous day's avalanche of horrors under the gentle light of sober reexamination. This was just like that. Umm.. except not because today it looks even worse than it did yesterday. I got up this morning all ready to write about how the Saints really played well enough to beat the previously winless Buccaneers yesterday, how one or two small breaks could have made the difference. But today, it seems that as I allow this to continue turning over in my mind the same two images keep turning up. One of these being a big fat tight end catching a 45 yard touchdown pass, which I think may qualify as a crime against nature. Nothing that large should be allowed to traverse that much green space unmolested. The other being a (non)defense giving up a ten yard run on a third and five and thus allowing the opposition to clinch a victory. I don't want to look back much past that because if I do I may catch a glimpse of literacy advocate Aaron Brooks making the correct "read" on a blitz play but reacting with a low throw and a drive killing interception. I also don't feel like looking too far ahead as that may reveal terrors yet unknown as the schedule begins to include teams who, unlike the Saints last two opponents, have actually won some games this season. What's worse is that Saints fans do not honestly have the option of giving up the ship yet. The sad fact remains that Carolina is 1-3, Tampa Bay is 1-4, and Atlanta is.. well Atlanta is Atlanta and that's enough to ensure that in addition to being burdened with yet another horrible team Saints fans will also be required to keep watching.

This is only different in magnitude from what the Red Sox are getting set to do to their fans this week. Is it not safe to say that we know by now? We know that some spectacular brand of doom waits to reveal itself. We see the New York Yankees waiting to fulfill their cosmically ordained role as the deliverers of said doom. We know, we see, but we still have to watch.

The final absurdity of the evening involves Friday’s round of political pugilism in which Kerry failed to deliver the knockout blow to a struggling Bush. Bush, who may have entered the ring bearing an illegal foreign object, who displayed poor form by letting slip an easily demonstrable lie, and who was once again off-puttinlgy angry and obstinate was nonetheless given an undeserved pass by the judges. You don’t think there is any evidence of bias on their part do you?

Note: Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was not in attendance at this week's Saints home game.

Dirty Tricks Central

Appears to be Josh Marshall's beat today. All items worth a look.

Busy this morning

I'm a little backed up here this morning. I'll try to squeeze in a few words later on last week's debate, the fact that God has once again chosen the Yankees as his vessel through which he will unleash yet another round of terrible vengeance upon Red Sox fans, and that awful Saints game which I did not attend. In the meantime, check it out. Women are better than men at playing video games while drunk.

The researchers gave 12 men and 12 women, all classed as "social drinkers" a set amount of alcohol each.

They then tested their ability to hit a button at the right time when a symbol flashed up.

Participants had to hit a green button when a green symbol flashed up. If a blue symbol appeared, they were told not to hit anything.

People became less able to prevent themselves hitting the green key when a blue symbol appeared the more drunk they became.

But the men's performance was around three times worse than the women's.

Times 'a changing

There has been a swell of speculation lately regarding the "death of the blog." I seem to remember declaring blogging "over" last year when I speculated that this is best indicated by the very fact that I keep one. If we can agree that this was an accurate interpretation of indicators, who can tell me what it could possibly mean that now Rudolph has started writing one as well? Actually you should read her because:

• She is a Red Sox fan.
• She is way way smarter than me.
• So are lots of people.

Irresponsible Rumormongering

Salon on Was Bush Wired?

Josh Marshall wondering why Bush postponed his physical? Was it because he's been "wired" or maybe eating pretzels again?

Happy Birthday, Mom

I really hope you aren't reading this.

NBA Players

Are such prima donnas that they almost afford T-P's John Deshazier an opportunity to display wit.

Can you conjure a sillier vision than the team's best player outside stretching on a mat on the concrete as if he's homeless? And is there a more lightweight cause than Davis' and Magloire's protest to invoke their NBA second amendment rights -- to bear personal trainers?

Almost.

Gaypetto

Me unable to type. Laughing too hard. Just click here.

Don't believe what you read

Recently there have been a number of questions raised about the methodology behind public opinion polls tracking the presidential race. One such dubious poll was conducted last night by me immediately following the VP debate and the results are posted below. At first glance, the results appear to indicate that an overwhelming 75% of "people I called" found John Edwards to be the winner. Unfortunately, the data here is flawed and needs to be revisited. For instance, this morning, the Lib Chron investigative bureau has learned that of these "people I called", only one of them, my Dad, was actually called by me. He reported to me the opinion of my mother, who had previously called him. Rudolph actually called me, and I only have one phone so I was unable to call myself. In light of this information, the results of our poll become more complicated. If we examine the results in terms of "people I called" who I actually did call, the results take a dramatic turn from 75% in favor of Edwards to 100% in favor of Cheney! That is quite a difference. But, now, consider the "people I called" who in fact called me, and the "people I called" who themselves called other people I actually called as well as the "people I called" who are, in fact, me and could not possibly have been reached by me via telephone. In each of these cases, Edwards' margin of victory increases from 75% to 100%. Truly remarkable.. but what does it mean?

It means Edwards won for the following reasons:

Cheney's excuse for being an international criminal and war profiteer was a lame attack on Edwards' attendance record in the Senate

The reason they keep trying to attack Halliburton is because they want to obscure their own record.

And Senator, frankly, you have a record in the Senate that's not very distinguished. You've missed 33 out of 36 meetings in the Judiciary Committee, almost 70 percent of the meetings of the Intelligence Committee.

You've missed a lot of key votes: on tax policy, on energy, on Medicare reform.

Your hometown newspaper has taken to calling you "Senator Gone." You've got one of the worst attendance records in the United States Senate.

Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I'm up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they're in session.

The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight.

Now not only is this weak, but it is also a lie. In addition, Edwards was completely ready for it.

I'm surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.

He voted against the Department of Education. He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.

It's amazing to hear him criticize either my record or John Kerry's.

I really felt the debate turned in Edwards' favor at that moment. Afterwards, Cheney continued to dig the hole.

• On AIDS among African American Women: " I was not aware that it was -- that they're in epidemic there" His answer was meant to be sympathetic, but it sounds bad to say it the way he did.
• Asked about overcoming partisanship in Washington, Cheney referenced Zell Miller's disastrous appearance at the RNC. Bad idea.
• Toward the end, Cheney kept putting his hands over his mouth and mumbling and scowling like the miserable fat fuck that he is.

These were my impressions. Dad thought that Cheney won the debate because he didn't do anything to unconvert the already converted Bush base, while Edwards appeared to be nervous and pandering. If Dad is right, and he may be, we may as well just call off the election now. But hey, the Red Sox won yesterday and I'm starting to believe in miracles again.

Instant poll of three people I called

Mom: Edwards won

Rudolph: Edwards

Dad: Cheney (Dad is cranky and despondent tonight)

Me: Edwards mopped the fucking floor with him

More tomorrow.. I'm tired.

Woo Hoo

In your face, fucknuts.
State court overturns hate amendment.

Already wrong once today

Cardinals 8 Dodgers 3

One more thing about last Thursday

Bush went on record with this:

The next four years we will continue to strengthen our homeland defenses. We will strengthen our intelligence-gathering services. We will reform our military. The military will be an all-volunteer army.

If Bush wins, I hope he remembers he said that. Today, David Hackworth is predicting he won't.

Oh the evil portents and the tempting of fate and whatnot

After this past weekend's serial debacles, the Lib Chron sports department is reeling and badly in need of redemption. Unfortunately the last hope of mankind at this hour happens to be the Boston Red Sox playing in October. Talk about a prelude to disaster. If you're not quite yet ready to have your hopes and dreams crushed, you may want to start with this ESPN.com piece in which Jayson Stark picks the Sox to win it all making this among other remarkable statements,

BECAUSE THIS IS A BETTER TEAM THAN THE 2003 RED SOX, A BETTER TEAM THAN THE 1999 RED SOX, EVEN A BETTER TEAM THAN THE 1986 RED SOX

Good God, just rip my heart out now, why don't you! Remember last week when I talked about that blind boxer? I hope you're properly braced for impact because this one's gonna hurt too.

On the bright side, it turns out that both of my preseason World Series picks are still alive. Not that I find Yankees/Astros all that appealing, but I do like being right every now and again.

Tonight's winners: Twins, Sox, Dodgers, Cheney (network spinners are looking to make up for their skewering of Bush last week)

Born to love volcanoes

... see 'em on... well, this cam site that Carol sent me. Enjoy.

Maybe he really is "the comeback Kerry"

God, remember that one? Yet another remarkably awful John Kerry witticism. The good news is that not only is Kerry surprisingly winning the spin after last week's debate, he is also doing a pretty good job of damage control over his supposed "global test" gaffe.

HAMPTON, New Hampshire (CNN) -- Sen. John Kerry on Monday lambasted as "pathetic" scaremongering, Republican criticism of his comments during last Thursday's debate in which he said the president's decision to go to war should pass a "global test" of legitimacy.

Asked during a town hall meeting in Hampton to explain what he meant, the Massachusetts senator said, "It's almost sad; it's certainly pathetic, because all they can do is grab a little phrase and try to play a game and scare Americans."

Now thems is fightin' words. Maybe he just needed a little confidence. To be honest, I am as surprised as I am tickled to see that the consensus spin went the way it did. I was not surprised to see Bush smirk and shrug and generally act as though he was pissed off that he had to be there at all. This is how the guy handles himself. I am surprised to see the degree to which this has at last been remarked upon significantly in the mainstream press. I am also surprised to see that consensus opinion holds that Kerry gave a good showing. As I watched, and actively rooted for Kerry, I found myself cringing nearly often enough to equal the experience of one Saints game. After it was over, I immediately called Dad and told him I thought Kerry lost. I won't go into it too much, but two things come to mind. First, one of Kerry's advisors told him it was a good idea to use the word "kill" as many times as possible as in "I will hunt down and kill the terrorists." It's a striking image. Kerry said "I will kill" three or four times during the debate. I cringed. Surely this will either look like a hollow pose or, worse, frighten people, I thought. Second, Kerry missed a golden opportunity to slam Bush during this exchange:

KERRY: Jim, the president just said something extraordinarily revealing and frankly very important in this debate. In answer to your question about Iraq and sending people into Iraq, he just said, "The enemy attacked us." Saddam Hussein didn't attack us. Osama bin Laden attacked us. al Qaeda attacked us. And when we had Osama bin Laden cornered in the mountains of Tora Bora, 1,000 of his cohorts with him in those mountains. With the American military forces nearby and in the field, we didn't use the best trained troops in the world to go kill the world's number one criminal and terrorist.

Skip Kerry droning on. Move to Bush's response

BUSH: First of all, of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us. I know that.

And secondly, to think that another round of resolutions would have caused Saddam Hussein to disarm, disclose, is ludicrous, in my judgment. It just shows a significant difference of opinion.

We tried diplomacy. We did our best. He was hoping to turn a blind eye. And, yes, he would have been stronger had we not dealt with him. He had the capability of making weapons, and he would have made weapons

Kerry's response should have been something like, "Well if he knows the difference between Saddam and Bin Laden, it's all the more telling that he seems to have no qualms about intentionally conflating the two in order to promote his war." Or I would have personally preferred, "Oh yeah, Mr. 'I know that'? Why then are you such a lying asshole?" But I guess you can't have everything.

Personally, I find Kerry's position on the war in Iraq not only untenable but also immoral. Bush's murderous war of conquest is a crime against humanity and an embarrassment to the nation. Kerry did not stand against it when it counted and he does not stand against it now. What's worse is he openly panders to the "undecided/leaning Bush" vote by promising to "succeed" in Iraq where Bush has failed. Kerry implies that there is still something in Iraq to be won. In truth there is no success to be had in Iraq now, only much much more blood before we manage to disentangle ourselves from Bush's colossal blunder.

Kerry's apparent lack of backbone is what makes me so nervous about the outcome of this election. In politics, evil has a way of trumping milquetoast. But then, if I can be as surprised as I am at the outcome of this first debate, then maybe I can be surprised next month as well.

Ha ha

Jeff and Daisy's wacky adventures at the bar continue here. I should point out that what really makes this story absurd is the fact that "Zelda" kept starting these conversations with me and THEN complained that I talk too much. Really really weird.

Monday Evening Sports Quickie

Wow what a craptacular weekend for the good guys. Cubs eliminated, Tigers blown out, Saints look like crap.. and now this.

Head coach Jim Haslett downplayed a confrontation between defensive end Charles Grant and quarterback Aaron Brooks that happened on the team’s flight home from Arizona Sunday night.
A report on profootballtalk.com suggested the two exchanged angry words and more during the flight.

Sources have it that Brooks, a well known literacy advocate, was upset to learn that Grant had lost his library card. Is it time to start firing coaches in New Orleans?

Collective Punishment

Another day in Iraq, another international law wantonly disregarded. Meanwhile, tonight the American electorate prepares to look past all of this foolishness and instead absorb the hard hitting analysis of who sweats and who sighs.

People, for crying out loud

I don't care how mean you are, I will not do your freaking fifth grader's homework for you!! Got that? Probably not.

Photoblogging moment of the morning

For the easily entertained, such as myself.

Click here.

Nice, Aaron.

If it's evil, it's bound to be hip somewhere

Oooh someone please implant an RFID chip in my arm. Man that sounds like fun!

Are we supposed to be impressed

That the supposedly independent television networks have boldly refused to have their use of camera angles dictated by the Commission on Presidential Debates? Forgive me if I don't dance naked in the street. (It is only Wednesday after all) The fact remains that the debates have been rendered as inane and pointless as the conventions, the media coverage, the campaign itself for that matter. Do not expect any substantive confrontation, any competition of ideas, anything resembling an argument or a "debate", if you will. The rules won't allow it. Instead what you will see amounts to little more than a jointly produced campaign commercial for both candidates after which each will be declared "the winner" by his respective spin machine. It's all part of the bread and circus package which has replaced your democratic process. And, yes, I will watch. But only so I can play the drinking game.

Nooooooooooooo

NEW YORK (Reuters) - U.S. consumers may soon have to swallow more expensive coffee as soaring futures and rising costs from milk to fuel induce roasters to charge more for the steamy brew, industry participants said.

Looks like I'll just have to start snorting coke in the morning.
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Fun Story of the Day

Know your audience.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The folks at Comedy Central were annoyed when Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly kept referring to "The Daily Show" audience as "stoned slackers."

So they did a little research. And guess whose audience is more educated?

Viewers of Jon Stewart's show are more likely to have completed four years of college than people who watch "The O'Reilly Factor," according to Nielsen Media Research.

Also of note is the deadpan humor of the CNN story writer who offers

Comedy Central had no statistics on how many people watch "The Daily Show" stoned.

Very Cute
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Monday Morning Sports Page

If you're like me, and I know I am, you may be familiar with that special relief that comes at the first sign that your shaky but to this point successful effort to avoid spectacular failure is about to be exposed as the horrible fraud you always suspected it to be. It's really a kind of catharsis the way one moment can transform months, perhaps years, of tenuous hope into a clear path to certain doom. This is the kind of reprieve afforded a blindfolded boxer when he learns via impact the exact force and direction of the inevitable knockout blow. Hmmm maybe a blindfolded boxer is too hopeless. Imagine instead one who is accused of a murder he did not commit but who expects to be convicted due to overwhelming circumstantial evidence. Next, let us say that the accused did carry a degree of animosity toward the victim, not quite enough to wish him dead perhaps, but certainly enough to cause the accused to wonder to himself whether or not he does bear at least some guilt for the crime. In this case we can assume that our protagonist technically deserves to go free but is not confident of his prospects either practically or morally. Now if you can put yourself in this person's place at the moment the sentence is passed, then you know what I'm talking about.
And, of course, if you happen to be a Cubs fan, then you must have some inkling of where I might be going with this. The Cubs had their glorious moment of deflation delivered to them on Saturday when Chicago native Victor Diaz hit a game tying three run homer in the ninth inning which paved the way for the Mets' 4 to 3 victory which effectively ended the Cubs season. They may still have a 1/2 game lead in the NL wild card race but that home run was exactly the kind of transcendent moment that people just do not recover from. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Case in point, the stunned Cubs blew another one on Sunday. The Cubs continue to play out the pointless string tonight against Cincinnati.

Should the Cubs and their fans wish to avoid yet another episode of this too oft repeated drama, perhaps they could learn a thing or two from the Mississippi State Bulldogs who certainly managed to dull the pain of their 51-0 loss to LSU by eschewing any initial doubts as to the outcome. The easiest way to avoid disappointment is surely to have never possessed any hope to begin with, or as Homer Simpson might say, trying is the first step toward failure. Our prayers are now focused on the Tigers who are doubtlessly harboring illusions that await exploding at third ranked Georgia this weekend.

As for the most deluded bunch of all, don't think we don't see you, Saints fans, getting your hopes up just because you beat the NFL's worst head coach on Sunday, expecting big things out of Aaron Stecker in the coming weeks, watching literacy advocate Aaron Brooks come through in the clutch yet again, realizing that Joe Horn is really Superman, licking your chops at the prospect of facing hapless Arizona next week... see now even I'm doing it! Well knock it off. Fortuna's wheel will spin you and your no defense having team downward soon enough.

I'll end this short dissertation on the importance of knowing one's role in the universe with a line from my current happy reading diversion Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore in which the protagonist, a Jew, objects to what is implied by Taoist monks who are trying to teach him the importance of ignoring what is past or what is to come and simply living in the moment. His question, "Without the past where is the guilt? And without the future where is the dread? And without guilt and dread who am I?"

Yup, it's the public

So it turns out that the guy using the phone claims to be trying to get the VA to give him his medication and is receiving "the runaround." According to this gentleman, he was struck in the head with a two by four whilst performing his duties in the service of his country which must have been a good forty plus years ago by the looks of him. Apparently, the evildoers on the other end of the phone are trying to force him to drive unnecessarily to Baton Rouge for his "head medicine." They are not going to win this battle, so he tells me, because he is "this close" to calling Bill Clinton. Also he has occupied the surface of a library table with paperwork which he believes will prove "more powerful than the atom bomb" once he releases it to "the media." Perhaps I can convince him to let me post it here on Lib Chron. It would be my first journalistic coup.

At the Ghetto Branch Today

Our library system regularly pulls staff from the larger branches to cover for the smaller branches on days when they are short. Because I work at a large regional branch, and because I don't complain much, I quite often find myself shipped to various parts of town for the day. I rarely mind this unless I'm busy with a big project or something. The branch I am subbing at today is pretty small and quiet until the after school crowd hits so the morning was pleasant. Also I am closer to the heart of the city so I got to spend my lunch hour milling about in the French Quarter which is refreshingly fun when one is sober. Right now, I'd like to call Consuela and find out if she wants something fun for dinner tonight but there is a patron here who has been monopolizing the one telephone in the building for forty five minutes. At least I get a short reprieve from this sort of thing.

Iraq War Makes us Less Safe From Hurricanes

From the Times-Pic this morning

Levitan's proposed hurricane-safe public buildings would be unstaffed refuges and contain few amenities for those left behind to face potential floodwaters. But if levees are raised and floodgates are built to protect the city from catastrophic storm surge, they could be used as American Red Cross hurricane shelters. Such a plan is already being considered. An initial study of the feasibility of higher levees was completed earlier this year for Jefferson Parish, garnering enough information to recommend a second study that would estimate a price tag for building such a system for the metro area.

That second study would take about four years to complete and would cost about $4 million, said Army Corps of Engineers project manager Al Naomi. About $300,000 in federal money was proposed for the 2005 fiscal-year budget, and the state had agreed to match that amount.

But the cost of the Iraq war forced the Bush administration to order the New Orleans district office not to begin any new studies, and the 2005 budget no longer includes the needed money, he said.

Oy

Ever have one of those days wherein you just can't seem to make any progress no matter how much running you do? This is certainly one of those for me thanks mostly to coworkers who delight in installing spyware on office computers. The New Orleans Saints also figure to become very familiar with making no progress on the ground over the next five weeks. By the way, what the hell is a high ankle sprain?

Note to Saints fans

I thought you might win six or seven games. If Deuce misses any significant amount of time, you won't win four. But you knew that already.

Note to Nick Saban

This quarterback rotation crap just ain't gonna cut it. By the way, what is the deal with all these missed extra points in college football this year? Is there some kind of new blindfold rule I wasn't aware of?

Note to Fox McKeithen

Next time you find yourself evaluating whether or not to postpone an election that falls on the weekend after a massive evacuation of the state's largest urban area, one excellent question to ask yourself would be, "Can my office deliver essential equipment such as voting machines to the polling locations before the election begins?" Because if you can't and you decide to hold the election anyway in order to prove your juvenile point about the evacuation being unnecessary, then you just end up creating a big mess.

Congratulations

To the 177,157 Louisianians who voted against the gay marriage ban in yesterday's elections and thereby proved yourselves not to be hateful paranoid pathetic fucknuts. As for the 618,974 of you who voted for the amendment, there is something really really wrong with you. Probably something having to do with being a bunch of hateful paranoid pathetic fucknuts.

Internet filtering just plain sucks

If you don't believe me, just check out the new Maddox.

Quick Sports Section

Deuce McAllister called out the Saints coaches yesterday regarding the team's new one back offense. Offensive coordinator Mike McCarthy promised to run Deuce behind a fullback more often this week against San Francisco. (I will not be in attendance at this game so someone will have to tell me if it works or not.)

The Tigers are back in action today. Saban is planning to use both quarterbacks against Auburn. This is not unheard of in college football but it always makes me nervous. This will be a tight game. If the field is in decent condition, LSU has a good chance being the faster team on balance.

The Cubs have won five in a row. Undoubtedly Daisy will attempt to take credit for this when she starts posting again.

So what would happen

If we tried to hold an election two days after a huge evacuation of the state's most densely populated area? A big mess that's what. This morning, I understand that a Lakeview polling location was unable to open on time because the machines had not yet arrived. Some locations have been moved. Worst of all, without a strong New Orleans turnout, the dreaded Hate Amendment is sure to pass. If you need any help figuring out what to do, here is the La Sec of State's election page. Among the handy tools there are:

• Sample Ballots by Parish
• A polling place locator (just type in your address)
• A list of relocated polling places
• And, if all else fails, contact information for your local registrar's office

If you can make it out today, please go vote.

Must Read

Bill Moyers' address to the Society of Professional Journalists.

Hurricane hangover

Posting this a day late

This morning, much of my neighborhood was still boarded up. Many evacuees have not returned just yet so I imagine a lot of things will be closed today. Who ever heard of a hurricane without rain? We were unbelievably lucky this time. New Orleans is in a unique postition with respect to hurricanes due to the fact that we sit 6-9 feet below sea level and are surrouned by the Mississippi, Lake Pontchartrain and a vast swamp. The water that surrounds us is higher than we are. If a storm like Ivan were to hit us the way it hit coastal Alabama and Florida last night it would bring about an unimaginable disaster scenario. If you haven't done so yet, you should really read this article Oyster linked to. This spectre of complete annhilation is a contributing factor to the devil-may-care lifestyle for which our city is so famous. We grow up here with a fully developed healthy sense of the apocolyptic.
In this spirit, the locals who remained last night were out making the most of it. The 2PM curfew did little or nothing to deter sightseers. One common tactic was for folks to walk their dogs as a pretense for being outside. I live about five blocks uptown from Igor's so I walked down to find them open. There were more dogs there, some people had a beach ball, and one guy was wearing floaties. The police showed up, but it turned out they just wanted to order a hamburger.
This morning I went for a short walk. The wind had shaken loose some small branches, and on St. Charles Ave, also dislodged some of the beads left hanging in the trees from Mardi Gras. The beads and minor debris along the sidewalk left one with a sort of Ash Wednessday feeling. (The hangover also contributed much to this.) There was sun and a light breeze, a perfect day with which it seemed that God was promising to never again destroy the world via a moderate breeze and a light sprinkle or two. Again, we were really lucky this time, folks. Let's hope this is our last scare of the season.

Louisiana: They may be trying to wash us away

... but they won't tonight. Of course, this could have been "the one." In Alabama, they are reporting 50 ft waves. The good news is it looks like we made it through another one. It turns out that Igor's is open despite the "curfew." I'm outta here folks.

Correction

I just noticed that, due to the inclement weather conditions in New Orleans, I inadvertently typed the phrase, "shelter of last result" in a post below. The problem has been corrected. If any more typos occur on this site during Hurricane Ivan, please report them directly to Entergy 1-800-9OUTAGE (1-800-968-8243).

Hurricane Awards (early nominations)

Image of the day: Here at Metroblogging New Orleans.

Mental image of the day: Floating balls of fire ants.

Looks like we're gonna be ok

Uptown is starting to get some wind but it's not even raining yet.. and we might not get much rain according to what they're saying on TV. Here is the 4PM forecast track. It would seem there is nothing left for me to do here except get drunk and start looting.


Sure is a perty hurricane idn't it?

Danger: Liquor supply low

I'm preparing to ride out Ivan and I'm stuck here with one bottle of Pinot Noir and two Bud Lights. The good news is my dial-up connection is much faster than usual. I wonder if this has anything to do with the city being deserted.

New Hurricane Threat: Turf Burn

The Mayor has just announced that the Superdome will be open as a shelter of last resort for "special needs" citizens, the indigent, and the elderly. Unfortunately they will still have to pay $9.00 for beer. (Ba-da-bum.) Oh wait, wait I've got another one! Exactly how is this different from when the Saints are playing? Ha! I kill me!

Oh for a digital camera

I just spent a few minutes breaking curfew on my bicycle getting pictures of the Uptown New Orleans ghost town situation with my $5.00 disposable camera. My local Walgreens is closed for some reason so I won't be able to post the photos unitl nobody cares about this anymore. Meanwhile, WWLTV has a place where you can share your hurricane photos if you happen to be more technologically advanced than I am.

Also: recap of my morning misadventure with the family here.

Back in NO

So at 7:00 this morning, we almost panicked. Or.. we did panic and then got over it. Dad and his parents and my brother and a cat a dog and a parrot named Miracle loaded into three cars and took off for higher ground. The objective was my Mom's house in Nashville, TN and its promise of free lodging so, unlike the rest of the metro area, we headed east toward Slidell and then north on I-59. There was NO PROBLEM getting out of the city at this time. Unlike the thousands of poor souls on I-10 West who are at this moment still stuck near Baton Rouge, we were able to get as far as Hattiesburg, MS before the 10:00 AM advisory convinced us it was safe to come back home. I'm at Dad's house right now and I have an hour to get back to my place before the 2:00 PM curfew. More to come.

Meanwhile: It's finally happened! The Saints really did move to San Antonio!

Hurricane Update

As of 6:45pm Monday here is the situation for Tuesday.

St. Bernard Parish: Voluntary evacuation issued. Public Schools Closed.

Plaquemines Parish: Voluntary evacutaion issued. Public Schools Closed.

Jefferson Parish: Voluntary Evacuation issued. Public Schools Closed.

Orleans Parish: Voluntary evacuation issued. New Orleans Public Schools closed. New Orleans Public Library: Open regular hours!!

Getting Nervous

So Ivan is starting to get all freaky on us. Anybody got any ideas?

Need an outrage fix?

The new Project Censored is out. The next person who complains about the "liberal media" to me gets a big fat punch in the mouth. (figuratively speaking)

Memos are likely real

So sayeth this Globe report.

Ok here we go. A great big Saints post

In this part of the world, the arrival of late summer and early autumn engenders a great deal of optimistic forward looking type thinking among the local citizenry. Much of this phenomenon is meteorological in origin. By this point in the year, New Orleanians have been sweating and suffering and shelling out for Clinton Syndrome inducing energy bills for a good four or five months. Summer in New Orleans is brutal and although these conditions will not actually improve for another two months (or sometimes longer) there is something about that "ber" on the end of the current month that breaks the sultry static of the season and reminds us that things do change, sometimes even for the better.

This annual infusion of optimism is a palpable event in New Orleans and its effects are felt in numerous varied spheres of daily experience generating all sorts of ridiculous expectations for future events. Case in point: Look at all the nutty folks who actually expect the New Orleans Saints to win more than they lose this year. The Times-Picayune's Jeff Duncan has them 10-6. Prominent Louisiana blogger, Ricky Prado predicts an astonishing 11-5. (another of his commenters has an NFC championship appearance.) An overwhelming number of callers to the Buddy D show, posters to those stupid forums and message boards, and random assholes I run into on the street have all gone loopy with autumn optimism. Obviously some antidote to this fall fever is required. Who then could be better to provide it than a guy still suffering the summery effects of a semi-functional air conditioner.

Let me preface these remarks by stating that this particular version of the New Orleans Saints (since 2000) is, for me, perhaps the most likeable group the franchise has ever produced. And this is coming from someone who as a teenager hung on every moment of the glorious '87-'93 era. Glory is, of course, relative since those teams did not win a single one of their four playoff appearances. But these were the first winning teams in Saints history which, improbably, featured a starting quarterback, a leading rusher, and a leading receiver who were all Louisiana products. Now that is hard to compete with. And yet, there were things about those teams which I absolutely hated. Coach Jim Mora and General Manager Jim Finks were (and in many ways still are) folk heroes of a sort. I couldn't stand either one of them. They carried themselves and treated their players and the local press with that brand of arrogance and condescension which usually derives directly from a need to hide an underlying incompetence. (Sound familiar, Mr. President?) Mora is the NFL's all time underachiever as a coach. It isn't hard to make a case that no coach has accomplished less with more talent than he. And Finks unforgivably ruined the Saints' best chance to win a championship, when he forced Bobby Hebert to sit out the 1990 season in a contract dispute and then added insult to injury by trading for Steve Walsh.


Could Hebert have brought New Orleans a Superbowl in 1990? The world will never know.

But we're not here to think about what could have been. The current group of Saints has much to recommend it (including an actual playoff victory) and includes no one who approaches the supreme jerkdom of Mora or Finks. Unfortunately they are also missing something else those earlier teams had in abundance; the ability to play defense. Not to be too flip here but, in football, that is kind of important. This year, the Saints plan to start a rookie at middle linebacker and a 34 year old man at one corner. These are not good signs. The defensive line should be serviceable. It will have to be better than that to hide the horrors lining up behind it. The offense should score points and could be among the best in the league if literacy advocate Aaron Brooks finally comes into his own. On the other hand, things can go downhill in a hurry if Deuce McAllister gets hurt.



Brooks needs to read the defense if he wants to pass the test this season. Is 2004 a make or break year?

In order to make this season a success in New Orleans, all of the following things need to happen: 1) Deuce needs to stay healthy. 2) The defense must overachieve spectacularly 3) Brooks, who is adequate, still needs to make a giant leap forward to realize his potential. 4) The slumlord needs to fix my a/c. One of these four things may happen. Certainly, all four will not. The way I see it, this adds up to an underwhelming 6 or 7 win season for the home team.

More predictions: Take heart, Saints fans. I suck suck suck at this. Nothing I forsee ever materializes in reality. For example, my primary fantasy team, The Portly Gentlemen, is already suffering due to my decision to start Marcus Pollard over Randy McMichael this weekend. So with that in mind, I've got the Eagles and Titans in the Superbowl this year. And, of course, the Saints will get off on the wrong foot against the Seahawks 24-14.

Note: Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will not be in attendance at Sunday's Saints/Seahawks contest.

Some notes on the "forgery" issue

First: The White House did not question the authenticity of these documents when CBS presented them.

Second: It's really disgusting to know ahead of time how this is going to play out. Something along the lines of, "Questions surround authenticity of documents. Can we know the truth? Experts in disagreement." For the Bush people, this is all they really need to put this issue to bed politically.

Third: An enterprising Kos poster has gone through the complaints about these documents and convincingly debunked each one. Unfortunately, the public's attention span is not long enough to deal with anything that goes past "Experts in disagreement."

You'd think we could build three football stadiums

According to a study from the Massachusetts Taxpayers Foundation, denizens of the Gret Stet of Louisiana pay $111.26 in state taxes per $1000.00 in income. This places Louisiana 10th nationwide and far above any other Southern state. What is really telling here is that when the results are sorted by sales and excise taxes only, we shoot all the way up to number 2. Only Hawaii's tax system leans (slightly) more heavily on the poor than the birthplace of Huey Long and the "Share our Wealth" movement. Tragic.

There is still time

For you to check out Nathan Newman's Labor Day mega post, which I wanted to link to a few days ago.. but there were Blogger issues. Newman is also part of the new Labor Blog which also merits watching.

He Said She Said

Ready made, simplistic media framing. Let's see how quickly they pick up on this.

Dick Cheney: "Go Fuck yourself."

Teresa Heinz Kerry: "Shove it."

Dick Cheney: "If you are against us you are with the terrorists."

Teresa Heinz Kerry: "If you are against us you are an idiot."

Question of the Day

By now, I'm sure you all know that the records show that the President of the United States, while serving in the National Guard, disobeyed a direct order and refused to show up for a physical examination. This, itself is a violation of the law, but beyond that, more journalists need to start asking why he would do this.
Josh Marshall:

And here we get down to a specific and perhaps touchy point. Why wouldn't Bush show up for that physical? An Air Force pilot's physical is a bigger deal than the one civilians get on a routine basis. But still, it's not that big a deal. Even if he didn't think it was necessary, why disobey a direct order to get around it?

And on this point let me make a more general suggestion. The White House's story has changed many, many times on the Guard matter. And they've been careful -- and wisely so -- to avoid make definitive statements that would limit their room for maneuver after future revelations.

More to come, perhaps? Should we ask Kitty Kelley?

NY Times Ed Today

What's totally unacceptable is to tell the American people that the mere act of voting for your opponent opens the door to a terrorist attack. For Mr. Cheney to suggest that is flat wrong. There was a time in this country when elected officials knew how to separate the position from the person. The American people, we're sure, would like to return to it.

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