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Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Great Beefy Mac Schism

No doubt there will be a sharp rise in the popularity of "Beefy Mac" in New Orleans for at least the remainder of this football season. Maybe longer. I'm a little surprised "Crunk" has maintained the shelf life it has so I'm not sure I have a bead on the lifespan of fads anymore.

I do know that more than a few of us are planning on adding some version of the dish to our game day repertoire. And so it shouldn't surprise anyone that some of us are planning on experimenting. Expect Saints tailgaters or party hosts to soon offer their guests Beefy Mac Po-boys, Vegetarian "Beefy" Mac, Curried Beefy Mac, Bacon Beefy Mac, Beefy Mac - Juicyfruit Sorbet, you get the idea.

This morning, what passes these days for the Times-Picayune's Food section offers a recipe by Ritz-Carlton M Bistro chef Emily Dillport that includes andouille. When your baseline for a dish is a mixture of canned tomatoes, Hamburger Helper, and Kraft Dinna there's obviously plenty of room for elaboration. But it's safe to say that the four elements, ground meat, tomatoes, pasta, and cheese sauce roughly define the consensus concept of the dish.

But here's where the trouble comes in. While we're all pretty much in agreement about what the essence of Beefy Mac is, the actual dish Drew Brees consumed prior to his demolition of the Indianapolis Colts last weekend is a radically different affair.
Undaunted, Brees called an audible at the line - the buffet line, that is. Displaying the quick-thinking skills requisite to his occupation, he felt the pressure and improvised.

"He takes a hamburger patty and chops it up over spaghetti and tries to make this homemade beefy mac," Payton said, half in jest, half in awe. "I asked him the question, 'Has this ever happened?' ... He said, 'It's happened a couple other times. And I said, 'So this is what you do?' And he's going through this thing."

Brees' improvisational culinary skills must have satisfied the gridiron gods of superstition. A night later he enjoyed one of the greatest games of his stellar career on Sunday night, passing for five touchdowns and was 31-of-35.


Brees may have had traditional Beefy Mac in mind, and it may be what he eats prior to most games. But last Sunday Night, when Brees threw 5 touchdown passes vs just 4 incompletions while leading the Saints to an almost unimaginable 55 point victory, he did this fueled by hamburger patties crumbled over spaghetti. This presents Saints fans with a gastronomic... and perhaps even spiritual.. dilemma.

Saints fans preparing their repast on future Sundays are free to create whatever delicious iteration of Beefy Mac their culinary imaginations will allow. But those seeking a deeper communion with Breesus at the moment of his transubstantiation will pay closer attention to his supper as described in the gospel according to Sean. There is no mention in scripture of whether tomatoes, or even marinara sauce was present. We do not know what kind if any cheese was applied. (One tantalizing clue here. Brees actually suffers from a range of food allergies including lactose intolerance.*) We know only that there was spaghetti and there was chopped (or perhaps crumbled) hamburger patty. But if we take a fundamentalist approach to interpretation, we have only two ingredients at our disposal.

One can easily imagine Saints fans dividing themselves into camps. Some may argue for a strict emulation of Breesus' example, while others may more liberally produce concepts they believe he would find pleasing. The church of Breesus may, in fact, be dealing with a full-on Beefy Mac schism here.

But this doesn't have to be a problem. We're a pretty tolerant fan base, after all. When preparing to entertain large groups of people, it's generally a good idea to design a menu that accounts for a wide variety of tastes, allergies, and religious orthodoxy. My advice is, go ahead and do that Beefy Mac and Pumpkin Pie thing you're thinking about this weekend. But maybe make a smaller pan of burgers and noodles just to keep everyone comfortably in the fold.

*Even more intriguing is this note from the article on Brees' training diet.
At home Brittany often makes wheat- and gluten-free pasta with marinara sauce, with a soyburger chopped in it."
Yet another Beefy Mac variation from Brees' own household!

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